Monday morning

Pictures of us visiting Dylan a few weeks ago when he was just a week or two old. The boys love him! Jeremiah especially likes to talk about him and hold him and waits to see if he is awake. 

Monday morning again and it feels good. I am a crazy person who actually likes the fresh start of a Monday morning. I like waking, working out, setting coffee, puttering around the house getting it back in order, looking at the details of the week ahead. There is something beautiful about the week stretching ahead with its work and obligations yes, but also with its joys and precious moments. 

Jeremiah is supposed to be working on his school work before we head to the library but he got a new Lego set last night and I am giving him extra time to play with it. Plus, I hate to interrupt when the boys are playing well together. I love hearing them getting along.

I am trying to keep this week relatively quiet for us. We do have places to be in the evenings but I am trying to keep the days clear for us to enjoy this spring time together. The past few weeks have been hectic with very little breathing room and it is time to take a break, create some pockets of free time, and just be together without hurry or a schedule.

Later this week we head to Philadelphia! We will spend a few days of spring break there and be back home for Easter. I am ready for a change of scenery and some time with my family. It will be a short visit, but I am so thankful that they live close enough now that we can just hop in the van and drive on up!

I have been streaming Pandora through our new DVD player to the television during the day. I usually leave it on a channel of hymns that provide a nice backdrop to our day. I kept hearing this beautiful hymn that was new to me that I really liked. Lo and behold, we sang it in church this Sunday! It is truly my prayer that whether my circumstances be calm or stormy that I will see Jesus as the pilot of my life. Take a minute to listen to the embedded video? It is a beautiful melody.

Jesus, Savior, pilot me
Over life’s tempestuous sea;
Unknown waves before me roll,
Hiding rock and treacherous shoal.
Chart and compass come from Thee;
Jesus, Savior, pilot me.

 Though the sea be smooth and bright,
Sparkling with the stars of night,
And my ship’s path be ablaze
With the light of halcyon days,
Still I know my need of Thee;
Jesus, Savior, pilot me.

 As a mother stills her child,
Thou canst hush the ocean wild;
Boisterous waves obey Thy will,
When Thou sayest to them, “Be still!”
Wondrous Sovereign of the sea,
Jesus, Savior, pilot me.

When at last I near the shore,
And the fearful breakers roar
’Twixt me and the peaceful rest,
Then, while leaning on Thy breast,
May I hear Thee say to me,
“Fear not, I will pilot thee.”
- Edward Hopper, 1871

Bounty hunters & Pirates

Life with boys is never dull...

Random Updates

There is so much going on around here that I don't really know what to say. On the flip side, there isn't really anything exciting going on around here so I don't really know what to say. Such is our life I guess, to us it is full and busy, but to others it is probably just normal and boring. Anyway, here are some updates:

Adoption

We had our first home visit from the social worker yesterday. No problems. We should be approved by the first week of April. After that it is just a waiting game. I have been using this time to read a lot about attachment and adoption. I know that I can never be truly prepared, but I want to at least have some knowledge to draw on when the time of placement arrives. However, doing lots of reading also has the effect of scaring me out of my mind at times. When I start getting frightened I take deep breaths and pray. Sounds cliche, but it works. Here is an excerpt from an email I sent to family about our home visit yesterday:

The boys remain excited. Their little hearts have proven to be so generous and compassionate. Today the social worker was asking them questions about what they thought it would be like to have another brother or sister and their answers were so thoughtful and encouraging. Nathaniel was so sweet, the social worker was asking what he would not like about having another child and he kept insisting, "There is just nothing I won't like! I like having lots of kids around. I want another brother really badly!" He was very insistent on explaining to her in great detail just how many toys and books and games and beds we have. It was cute. Jeremiah just stated matter of factly, "I want another brother. And God tells us to take care of orphans and share with people who don't have as much as we do. So of course we want to adopt children who don't have anyone to take care of them!" The faith and obedience of a child is a beautiful thing. 

 

Home Schooling 

We have 9 weeks of our curriculum left and 4 weeks of Math. It will feel good to be done for the year and take a nice long break. I continue to be surprised at how much I enjoy schooling the boys and how well it works for us right now. We are already thinking through curriculum and choices for next year. We will be visiting a science class that Jeremiah may attend in the fall. Nathaniel has been begging me for reading lessons and we are using the book Teach Your Child To Read In 100 Easy Lessons. He loves it! His letter recognition is getting better. Next year we will continue with reading and some basic math.

Baseball

Jeremiah begged us to play baseball this spring. And despite always saying that we would only be a 1 sport per year family we signed him up. His try-outs were last night. He has been assigned to a team and we start practice Thursday night. This all new territory for us. We arrived at tryouts last night with an old glove and no other gear to speak of. Most of the other kids were well provisioned with special bags to hold all their special gear. We shall see how it goes. Baseball tends to be pretty competitive around here and some of these kids have been playing since they were 3 years old. Jeremiah is excited though. He loves to practice throwing and hitting.  

Extra

We are planning on spending a few days in Philadelphia during Aaron's spring break. I am looking forward to the break and a change of scenery. 

Our time keeping our little 5 year old friend is coming to an end. Last week he didn't come to our house because his grandparents were in town and my boys missed him intensely. The 3 of them play very well together.

The weather here has been gorgeous. The boys have been spending hours and hours outside. I feel the need to spring clean and purge us of stuff. This always makes Aaron nervous.

A good day

It has been a good day. The best kind of day when nothing really special happens, but life just unfolds quietly as the day progresses. The kind of day where I feel rested and present and that our schedule is working. A day to enjoy the sun on my face as I hang clothes out on the line.  A day to rake up the fall leaves that I neglected in the fall and to enjoy the bright blooming of our daffodils. A day to watch Aaron and the boys practice baseball as the shadows lengthen. Just a good day full of simple pleasures.

Longing (and a new nephew!)

Yesterday morning the text blipped on my phone: "Cherise's contractions 10 min apart. Midwife on the way." I walked around all day with the phone in my pocket. All day long my thoughts were with my sister and brother-in-law who were laboring to bring their second child into the world. I resisted the urge to call and ask, "How is it going? What's the progress?" but they were never far from my mind and in between school work and laundry and feeding the kids at my house I offered up prayers. Jeremiah and Nathaniel were excited. They asked every few hours, "Is Dylan here yet?! When can we see Dylan?!" Bedtime came and there was still no news so I double checked that my phone was still on and the volume still up as I lay down to sleep. But sleep was elusive and every little noise jolted me awake, to check my phone again. Then around midnight it came, "He's here! Mother and baby well." My heart leaped and I turned over, finally ready to sleep.

Last night, my nephew Dylan was born. He is a Leap Year baby! Just squeaking in at 11:59pm on February 29th. This morning we oohed and aahed over the picture posted on Facebook. We waited anxiously for word from the family as to when would be a good time come and meet him. I couldn't wait to kiss those chubby cheeks in person!

One of the most difficult things for me in this adoption journey so far is the fact that I feel all the anticipation and longing of a woman who is pregnant and eagerly waiting the moment when she sees her baby face to face - but my body is not pregnant. There is no outward, visible signs of what is happening in my heart. Therefore very few people acknowledge, or ask, or want to talk about it. When I was pregnant people were always talking to me with excitement, asking me questions, discussing pregnancy and child rearing, and wondering how my other kid would adjust. I was obviously, visibly pregnant and so people reacted to that. The adoption process is not visible. No one else can see that we are working through the process of completing paperwork and being approved. No one can see the longing that is inside my heart.

But that longing is there! I know that our child is out there somewhere, and I can't yet physically touch  them. Just like a woman who is pregnant and always aware of the child growing within her, this child that we are planning for is always in the back of my mind, on the perimeter of my consciousness. I think and wonder and dream and pray. I am reading books in order to be better prepared. On Sunday mornings during worship tears spill and my heart aches because I actually feel the absence of this child that is not here yet. When we pile on the couch to read books I miss the child that we know is coming.

I am a verbal processor. I need to talk about my feelings. I need to hash through every possible scenario out loud. I need to dream out loud and be excited out loud. And without the outward physical signs of what is going on in our hearts the opportunities to talk about it are few. People don't ask, and it feels a tad narcissistic to bring it up in the course of a regular conversation.

In the absence of people to talk to I talk to God. I pour out my heart to Him. It's an almost constant conversation in my head. When I start getting anxious and worried I whisper, "You are in control, God. Please give me peace and take away this fear." I ask Him all my questions, nothing  is too mundane, "How is this going to work, Lord? Are we going to get a boy or a girl? How are we going to arrange their rooms? I wish I knew an age so I could start collecting what we need! How long are we going to have to wait?" As Jeremiah and Nathaniel ask me questions I ask for wisdom, "How do I answer this question? How do I prepare them? Will they love their new sibling?" And when the excitement and joy are just too much I rejoice, "Thank you God! You are so good! Thank you for bringing us to this point! I am so excited to be adding another child to our family!"

Oh Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you. -Psalm 38:9

For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. - Psalm 107:9