Daily Communion

Dearest Lord, teach me to be generous,
teach me to serve You as You deserve:
- to give and not count the cost,
- to fight and not to heed the wounds,
- to labor and not to ask for reward except that of knowing I am doing your will. Amen.
(Attributed to Ignatious of Loyola)

I have been trying the past few months to slowly build areas of discipline (back) into my life. I have felt so inadequate in so many areas that at times I was tempted to despair. So I decided to approach the whole thing the way that I do when I am dealing with a behavior with the kids - I focus on the most important thing (at that point in time) for that week. With the boys I find that working on one behavior consistently for a week helps cement the idea and keeps the boys from being overwhelmed with expectations.

I figured for myself that the most important area of discipline to start with was my daily personal relationship with God. Notice that I did not say "quiet time." This is not just about putting in time with my Bible and rattling off a few prayers. This is about the heart of my relationship with my Saviour. My attitude, desires, and behavior stem directly from my connectedness to God. Connectedness is a result of prayer, Bible reading, meditation, communion, awareness.

I started with waking in the morning to spend a few minutes with God in preparation for the day before the kids wake. I read the Bible, pray, and journal a few thoughts. I focus in those moments on tapping into who God is and using that to shape my attitude toward the day.

I then started to focus on being aware of God throughout the individual moments of my day. To be more in constant communion with Him. To notice beauty and to have a heart of gratitude. I found a beautiful website/blog that inspires me in that arena. Another practical thing that helps me with this is to have scripture all over the house; handwritten verses on 3x5 cards in plastic picture holders are placed by the kitchen sink and in the bathrooms so that I can meditate on scripture even during the mundane moments of housework. I also like to keep worship music or the local Christian radio station (which has lots of great Bible study programs all day) playing on the cd player in the kitchen so that my mind is being filled with the Word.

I am by no means a saint in this area. Yet I have found that once I start to let these disciplines go by the wayside discontent, anger, impatience and lack of love soon follow. My desire is to love God with all my heart and to serve Him with all that I am. I cannot do that if I do not have a relationship with Him.

What practical things do you do on a daily basis to stay in communion with God?

Shame on us!

I went messing around with the blog layout the other day. I thought I would substitute the picture that used to be on the header (from May 2008) with a more up to date family picture. Then I ran into a problem. I did not have a good, more up to date family picture.
So then I thought, well, I will put up one of the boys together and one of me & Aaron together on the side. Then I ran into another problem. There is no picture of Aaron and I together since before I was pregnant with Nathaniel.
Seriously.
Crazy!
So, I have called my friend the photographer and we are going to get good family portraits done this fall.
Just be warned, if you are related to us you will probably get one as your Christmas gift.

Soccer Jeremiah's Way

After 2 weeks of not playing soccer due to rain Jeremiah finally got to get back out on the field this morning. It was cool and overcast. We got caught in a short drizzle but the rain held off long enough for Jeremiah to play 2 games of 1 hour each. He's taking a really good nap now! :-) This is how Jeremiah plays soccer:
- He absolutely obeys everything the coach says. While this initially sounds like a good thing it can be too literal. Like when he absolutely does not move from his defensive spot to kick the ball out of the way because at some point he has been told not to move.
- Running and shooting are his favorite things. Running doesn't necessarily mean running after the ball, just running in general with his head bobbing around to some music in his head and his arms sometimes flapping like a bird. Shooting doesn't happen often since his team doesn't quite yet understand the concept of getting the ball all the way to the other goal. Today he wanted to shoot so bad he shot into his own goal...
- Gatorade is his other favorite thing about soccer. He drank 3-4 bottles the other day. It may be time to ration the stuff.
- Jeremiah likes to run and bite his fingernails at the same time. This drives Aaron crazy and causes him to mutter under his breath, "I am going to tie his arms down to his side!"
- Jeremiah got to play goalie in the last quarter of his second game. Believe me when I say that since they were at the end of 2 hours of soccer none of the kids were paying much attention. Jeremiah was turning in circles, trying to stand on his head, and playing with the net. The first time he did run out to grab the ball he got his fingers kicked. After that he decided to stand and watch the ball roll past.

So, we have some technique issues to work on. :-) But at least he is having fun!

The Snickerdoodle

We had a delightful visit with this new little family on Sunday! I made myself stay away from my new niece the whole first week she was home because I had a cold. Also, I was trying to give the new family some space and bonding time. :-) So on Sunday it was so fun to catch up with Cherise (and also a bit surreal to have "mommy talk" with my sister) and of course get my fill of that sweet little bundle of baby.

This man is such a terrific father I know he is going to be an awesome uncle!

Jeremiah has nick-named Lilly "Snickerdoodle." I really have no idea where he got it from. But it seems to fit, especially since snickerdoodle's are also Chad's favorite cookie. You will just have to take my word for it that 10 seconds before we took this picture Lilly was perfectly calm and serene among her boy cousins. Those newborns sure do make a racket when they are hungry. :-)

Nathaniel likes to give her sweet little hugs. Again, take my word for it that 20 seconds before this picture was taken Lilly seemed to be completely fine with it.....sigh....

On a more introspective note: It really was an amazing thing to watch our siblings as parents. The beauty of the change in their eyes, the visceral protection in their body language, the softness and pride in their speech when Lilly was mentioned, even the exhaustion that the realities of parenting a newborn bring were a wonder to behold. Welcome to the world of parenting guys! It is a crazy, exhausting, emotional, fun-filled ride so hold on and enjoy every moment!

Water Everywhere

The farm of a friend of ours. They are flooded in.
We are praying the water doesn't rise to the bard and ruin the hay that they sell in the winter.

This scene from the town that Aaron grew up in.

It rained all week last week, which was actually a huge relief to me since I had a bad cold and the rain provided a good excuse to plop the kids in front of DVD's so that I could rest. (Please, I'm not the only mother that has done that...) On Sunday as we were driving home from Steve & Brenda's house the road we were on was flooded in some areas so we had to drive around to find dry roads home. Sunday night we got a record amount of rainfall and flooding began in earnest. Aaron went to school on Monday(no students) but returned home early. If he had left any later it would have been very difficult for him to get home. He was home today and will be home tomorrow. The parking lot of a grocery store in our town was under feet of water. Another store had the front wall cave in from all the water. A boy who attends Aaron's school drowned in the flood waters. You can read about it here as well as see pictures from flooding all around this area. Atlanta was a mess. The governor of our state is declaring a state of emergency for many counties.

We have been snug in our house. It has been nice to enjoy extra time with Aaron, rest, and get some things done. Today we enjoyed an evening walk in the sunshine. Thankful to get outside to stretch our legs and burn off energy. I realized again that we are blessed beyond what we can imagine. While the water wrecked havoc for others flooding homes, ruining crops, taking lives, we have been safe and dry enjoying a mini-vacation of sorts. These are the things that I can so easily take for granted. Tonight, I choose not to. I look around at my dry house, hear the sound of my children's laughter as they play with their papa, and know that these are blessings from my God. I also breathe a prayer for God's provision and comfort for those who have experienced loss.

Sewing!

I was so thrilled to inherit from Grannie Bettis one of her (many) sewing machines and this beautiful antique sewing machine table. The table is such a charming piece, the perfect blend of beauty and function.
I grew up watching my mom sew (there were no stores to buy clothes in Nigeria) and I know the basics. But I haven't sewn much because I could never quite get older machines that I had acquired to work. I also didn't have a designated sewing spot and I just wasn't inspired to haul everything out to the dining room table, sew for a few minutes, then have to pack it all away again.
But now in our guestroom I have a perfect little sewing nook. And after getting my in-laws help in getting this machine in good running order I was able last night to complete my first sewing project. I was so excited! Yep! That "thing" you see hanging on the chair is a nursing cover! complete with straps and boning! It was an easy project. I am so excited because now I have a cute, simple, handmade, practical, (and inexpensive) gift that I can give to someone having a baby. (I may even try to sell some once I perfected the process.)
I am going to make one more nursing cover for Cherise and then venture into other territory like pj's pants for the boys, decorative pillows, or finally finishing those curtains that my mom helped me cut out when I was pregnant with Jeremiah! :-) Anyone have any ideas for simple, quick sewing projects?

1st soccer game

Scenes from Jeremiah's first soccer game....

This is my favorite.
Jeremiah glorying in the love of running and feeling his shorts whip around his legs.

Finally have a uniform! A little big....

Aaron and I took turns keeping Nathaniel off the field.

Ready to go but not quite sure what to do.

"Excuse me! Excuse me!"

Running for the ball.

Oops, ran a little too hard. (That is Jeremiah there on the ground.)

What us sideline parents call "the scrum." All kids going for the ball at once.

Oops, another failed attempt.

And during half-time this is all Jeremiah wanted to do. Maybe he is a scholar, not an athlete. :-)

the big 3-0

Today is Aaron's 3oth birthday!

Aaron deserves a special home cooked meal and yummy treat for dessert. Instead I have a terrible cold and can barely get out of bed, much less cook a meal.

Aaron deserves a day full of fun surprises and special attention. Instead his car stopped running on his way in to work and we have no idea what is wrong with it.

I am disappointed that Aaron's special day is not turning out the way I had imagined. But I am thankful for this patient, loving, selfless man. Wish him a special Happy Birthday will you? He deserves it!

Meet Lilly!

I am an aunt!
Lillian Joy (Lilly) was born in the predawn hours of Saturday (incidentally also her dad's birthday). She is a beautiful little girl with a round face, pointy chin, and cute little lips. I received a text from Chad at 11:00pm saying they were at the hospital. An hour later a text that Cherise was in transition. And 2 hours later Lilly was born! We stopped by to see her after Jeremiah's soccer game. All three members of the new little family were exhausted from lack of sleep and many visitors. It is my prayer that they will get restorative rest now that they are settled in at home.
I have considered myself an aunt since Cherise found out she was pregnant. But what fun it was to finally meet this little girl we had all been anxious to welcome! I can't wait to be part of her life and watch the little person she will become.
Jeremiah is also really excited. He has been praying often for cousin Lilly to get here safely. On Saturday he was able to see God's answer to his prayers. Jeremiah says, "She is tiny like a little mouse!"
As I begin my week and think about the responsibilities of my day it brings a smile to my face and amazement at God's handiwork to think about little Lilly, so new to the world. May she grow healthy and strong. May her parents be granted grace, patience and wisdom as they embark on this journey of parenthood. May she know Jesus and serve Him with her whole heart and spirit.

Remembering More

Not having a TV tends to make us a bit disconnected from popular culture and current news.
So this morning it took me a minute to figure out what was going on when I turned on NPR and all I heard was someone reading names (a snippet of the memorial ceremony in New York). Then I realized, it was September 11th. The date that has so much significance. It brings back memories of horror, disbelief, sorrow, heroism, and fear.

Like the generation before me who told me the memories of where they were on the day JFK was assassinated I will pass on my memories of September 11, 01 to my children. Just like I could never fully understand the emotions on the day that was so significant to my parents my children will never fully grasp the depth of emotion in me as I stood in the lobby of the DFCS office watching the first tower smolder and knowing in my gut that a small plane off course could never do that much damage. No sooner had I verbalized that thought to my coworkers than we watched the second plane smash the second tower.

It is common knowledge that I am not a particularly patriotic person. My childhood experiences of living among people of many nationalities has shaped me into a person who doesn't ever feel completely at home here in the United States. I have never felt a strong affiliation to any particular nation.

Yet patriotism was not a prerequisite to feeling the sorrow, fear and loss of that day. The minimum amount of work got done as we congregated in the break room with the TV on. The images were almost too much to handle. At home I would sit in front of the TV for hours as the details unfolded. I found myself drawn to the stories of people searching for missing loved ones. I wept when I heard the last conversations of sons, daughters, husbands, wives, fathers, mothers. I marveled at the heroism of the men and women who went into the collapsing buildings in a desperate attempt to save the lives of others. I did not need to be patriotic to feel the fragile thread of mortality.

And yet, maybe my lack of patriotism also kept me separated from the extreme anger and need for vengeance that I sensed in the people around me. I felt sorrow for all the innocent life lost, but in some way it connected me to the sorrow of people who experience this loss of life on a daily basis. I grieved not just for those of us in America who were experiencing this wrenching terror but also for the mothers in Africa who watch their children die every day from preventable diseases, for the children sold into slavery, for the young girls whose bodies are sold for another man's pleasure, for the people in countries where terrorist attacks are a reality of everyday life as common as stepping on a bus or going to the market, for those who couldn't walk freely over their land for fear of landmines left behind from the last invader.

I grieved for this sinful world in which war, starvation and terror seem more common than uncommon.

And so, I use September 11 not just to remember and mourn the event that happened on American soil but also to remember and mourn the events that happen around the world every day that cause terror and loss of life. I also use September 11 as a reminder that this world is not my home. One day the wars and terror will cease. Come quickly Lord Jesus!

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. John 16:33

Learning Love

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.
-1 Corinthians 13:4-8a from The Message

Oh boy.
Let me tell you that I have not been loving the past few weeks (maybe months?). And by "not being loving" I mean that my actions have been the exact opposite of what is described in 1 Corinthians. With not caring more for others than for self, flying off the handle, keeping score of the sins of others, not putting up with anything, and not trusting God being at the top of the list.
Seriously.
The sin in my soul is deep and dirty.
I see my sin bringing visible distance between Aaron and myself, the cold silences, the indifferent kisses, the dimming of joy. I am stopped short at the sin I see reflected in the sarcastic tone of my son, his raised voice, his impatience, his disrespect.
Some days I plod through. Trying valiantly to love in action but failing miserably more times than I care to count. The weight of imperfection heavy on my spirit.
I cry out, "How can I love?!" more importantly, "How can You love me?!"
Then I hear a whisper,
For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person - though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die - but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:6-8)
I am reminded that my love cannot flow from myself. My love will always be imperfect. My attempts to force loving actions will fall flat and feel stale. I cannot feel and show love until (and here comes the hope and joy!) I feel this love myself.
So in a moment of quiet I purpose to glory in God's love for me. I choose to revel in His patience and kindness.
Have I flown off the handle? Yes.
Have I cared more for myself than others? You bet.
Have I wanted what I don't have? Please...
Have I been impatient? You don't really want to know.
Have I kept score of the sins of others? Check.
And yet, God shows His love for me!
I pray,
Jesus! Allow me to cast aside my attempts at love that come from guilt and outward expectations. Allow me to experience the depth of your love, especially in the most dirty and disappointing moments of my day. Thank you for loving me in a way I cannot comprehend yet somehow can feel.
Amen.

A pirate's life

Jeremiah has been into pirates lately. Very into pirates. We play pirates at least once a day (and I am begged to play it much more than that). Playing pirates consists of Jeremiah putting on a sailors hat, brandishing his foam sword, and running around the house growling things like "aarrgh!", "landlubber!" and "you scurvy dog!" His bed becomes the pirate ship complete with a homemade version of the jolly roger flag (skull & crossbones).

Yesterday during the singing part of worship I bent down to make sure that Jeremiah was reading the words from the power point and trying to sing a long. Jeremiah calmly says, "Yes mama! I'm singing in my pirate voice."

And sure enough, he was.

I realized later that the song he started using his pirate voice on was "O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast unmeasured boundless free. Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me."

I don't think that is a coincidence.

Great-grandparents

It is a cool, rainy morning and we have just waved good-bye to my grandparents. We just had a wonderful gift of a visit with them! They were able to spend 2 nights here (in our lovely guestroom! hint hint) and we spent our day yesterday playing, walking, chatting, coloring, drinking coffee - basically simply enjoying each others company. There are hints of fall in the air and the windows are wide open to catch the breeze. We were able to enjoy the deck and back yard. The boys were thrilled to help great-opa wash and clean his car. They were also thrilled by a special ice cream treat at Sonic after nap time and before dinner! I know I can always count on grandpa to offer a sweet treat. Last night my grandmother and I sat on the back deck and talked until late into the night.
What a blessing my grandparents are! They have served God faithfully their whole lives. They love God, their family, their community. When I think of the Bible's promises of blessing generations of those who fear the Lord my grandparents immediately come to mind. What a legacy they have given me (and my children)! Not just because they told us about God, but because they showed us in their lives how to love and serve God.