Being like brother

Nathaniel spends most of his day trying to get to his brother. Jeremiah spends most of his day trying to avoid being messed with (having things taken, being crawled over, etc.).

Watching Mr. Rogers.

"Let me outside too!"

"Why can't I have some of his popsicle papa?"

And yes, that is a leaf on his chin! :-)

Beneath the cross of Jesus

I don't really have a lot of time to blog today. But this hymn has been floating around in my mind since we sang it on Sunday. It is so beautiful and I especially love the images in the first verse of being in the shadow of a mighty rock, home in the wilderness, and rest from the burning heat and burden of the day. To me every word in this hymn is laden with meaning. My soul was fed and encouraged by this hymn. I hope yours is too.

       Beneath the cross of Jesus
 I fain would take my stand,
 the shadow of a mighty rock
 within a weary land;
 a home within the wilderness,
 a rest upon the way,
 from the burning of the noontide heat,
 and the burden of the day.

       Upon that cross of Jesus
 mine eye at times can see
 the very dying form of One
 who suffered there for me;
 and from my stricken heart with tears
 two wonders I confess:
 the wonders of redeeming love
 and my unworthiness.

 I take, O cross, thy shadow
 for my abiding place;
 I ask no other sunshine than
 the sunshine of his face;
 content to let the world go by,
 to know no gain nor loss,
 my sinful self my only shame,
 my glory all the cross.

Sobering

My plans for this morning were to do a lot of chores around the house and make a cute blog post about the latest doings of the boys. Instead I have just spent the better part of the morning reading the blog of the Macha family. I received the link from my dad, along with the news that Nancy Macha has had a recurrence of cancer and is very very sick. I have spent the morning reading about their journey, being touched by the poignancy of every day moments, marveling at their faith, wondering at God's plan.

Cancer seems to be everywhere these days. Aaron's Grannie is struggling with her 3rd round of cancer in her life and is even now in the hospital recovering from a life threatening reaction to the recent chemo she received. My grandpa has been diagnosed with prostate cancer and starts treatment soon. A woman in our church just finished her treatments and battle with breast cancer and has been declared cancer free.

The Macha family has been part of the background of my family life for as long as I can remember. They are part of the community in Philly that we always returned to from Africa and they are part of the mission agency (World Harvest) that we served with while in Amsterdam. While I don't know them well they are still part of the memories I have of childhood and part of the group of people that I always think of as strong and invincible.

I have been sobered this morning not only because of the reality of illness (and death) but also because of my lack of faith. I have spent the better part of this past year and a half whining about various things - my difficult pregnancy, our lack of finances, my lack of sleep, our crazy busy schedule with Aaron in school and work, the challenging behavior of Jeremiah, etc. etc. etc. My whining has been a result of my lack of faith in God's care and love for me and my family. It has been a result of my focus on myself rather than on my Savior and the work of his kingdom.

So this morning the dishes remain stacked in the sink, the beds remain unmade, and laundry remains piled on floor while I have been driven to prayer and reflection. My prayer is for healing for those I know with cancer. My prayer is also that my faith will be made stronger and that I will live my life from the eternal perspective for God's glory rather than my own comfort.

Digging in the dirt

My mom is a great gardener. She loves to dig around in the dirt and her garden always looks so great. I love the look of a great garden but am not so excited about all the work it takes. Since the boys love being outside I have found myself tackling small yard work projects as they play. Yesterday I transplanted some hosta that keeps springing up in odd places in the middle of the grass. It was a pretty easy project with quick and gratifying results.

Nathaniel loves being outside! As soon as I open the door he starts wiggling and talking baby talk - demanding to be put down so he can explore. And boy does he explore!

"This little watermelon plant looks interesting."

"I wonder what will happen if I dig up all this pine needle mulch?"

Blissfully dirty knees and feet. You should have seen the dirt under his fingernails!

Jeremiah poses by the finished product (the bunches of hosta). How's it looking oma?

The bags that you see are vegetables we are trying to grow. The only place that gets enough sun in our forest of a yard is right along the front of the house. So it looks kind of funny..... Jeremiah is very proud of the vegetable plants (he is standing next to the red and yellow pepper plants) and can't wait to pick something off of them. I am hoping that they will produce. We planted tomato, peppers, squash, cucumber, and of course a water melon.

Random Reflections

Love those faces!

Nathaniel is fearless and loves being pushed around the house on the popper.

Brother hugs.

Look at that smile! (And check out the top teeth!)

In no particular order:
* "Sleep is a privilege."
This was said to me by a good friend at church who has raised 5 children. I was talking (read: complaining) about how working late 3 nights a week and Nathaniel's crazy sleep habits have me getting about 4 hours of sleep per night on average. She was sharing how this attitude helped her not be angry or bitter about her lack of sleep when her kids were young. I am still working on it....

* Nathaniel is almost definitely allergic to dogs.
A few months ago we gave Penny Lane away for a whole number of reasons, one of the main ones being that Nathaniel had pretty much been constantly congested since birth and the only thing we could figure was that he was allergic to the dog. I didn't really think about it again. This week we are keeping Chad & Cherise's puppy Wicket and Nathaniel has been a snotty mess since the dog came to stay. That has of course made sleep even more difficult. And I realized that he has not been congested since Penny Lane left....

* I love weddings!
I was asked to do the coordinating of the wedding of a young couple in our church. It was the first wedding I did where I wasn't really good friends (or related) to the couple so I was interested to see if I would enjoy it as much as I usually do. The wedding was last Saturday and it was fun to do. I enjoyed organizing the rehearsal (got them all in and out of there in less than an hour!) and making sure that things ran smoothly for everyone on the wedding day. This couple's first kiss ever (at least together) was in the wedding. It was beautiful and moving and a testament to the fact that it is possible to maintain integrity and purity even in this sex-crazed culture.

* Jeremiah likes to throw blankets on top of Nathaniel and then watch Nathaniel try to figure out how to crawl out from under them. Nathaniel doesn't think this is very funny.

* I was a selfish, impatient, lazy mother yesterday. I am asking God for strength to do better today.

Answer to prayer

I just had to share this answer to prayer that is another encouragement of how much God cares for us.
On Aaron's graduation day his grandparents handed him a card. Assuming that it probably contained some cash (since that is what grandparents do! hee hee) we made sure to put it in the bottom of the stroller and I kept an eye on it all day to make sure it didn't get misplaced in all the crazyness. As we were loading up the car after the ceremony I specifically took the card out of the bottom of the stroller thinking "We don't want to lose this."
When we got home and looked through our things the card was gone. We searched everywhere and it was no where to be found. Aaron even called the restaurant where we had eaten to see if it was there. No luck.
We found out from Aaron's grandparents that there was in fact cash in there.
Aaron sent a college-wide email asking if anyone found it to sent it to us. I had little hope that would actually happen.
I was really upset with myself. I couldn't figure out where it had gotten lost, especially when I thought I was being so careful and responsible. I was mad at myself for losing what was meant to be a gift for Aaron. I was upset thinking of all the ways we could have used that money but now it was gone.
After 2 days of stewing over it I prayed and let it go. I realized that I was taking on too much guilt for the lost card and that since there was nothing more to be done I should just stop worrying and trust God to bring peace to my heart - even if we never got the cash back. I prayed for peace, I prayed that I would let go of my guilt, I prayed that God would somehow return the money to us, that whoever found the card would feel led to return it. That was a few days ago and I haven't thought about it since.
The card arrived today in the mail! It hadn't even been opened. There was no return address or any way for us to see who found it and sent it. Under Aaron's name (which was written in his grandmothers handwriting) was our address neatly written in what looks like female handwriting.

Aside from the monetary gift I am so thankful for God's clear way of showing His love and care for us. What an incredible, tangible way for God to reach down and say, "I love you!"

Encouragement

"Motherhood brings as much joy as ever, but it still brings boredom, exhaustion, and sorrow too. Nothing else will ever make you as happy or as sad, as proud or as tired, for nothing is quite as hard as helping a person develop his own individuality - especially while you struggle to keep your own." - Marguerite Kelly & Elia Parsons

I have been struggling this week with this whole motherhood business. Constant discipline issues with Jeremiah, sleep issues with Nathaniel, as well as the continual picking up, cleaning up, wiping up-but-the-house-still-looks-just-as-dirty-at-the-end-of-the-day stuff just has me down and discouraged. The other day I read a story on a friends blog that reminded me that I get down and discouraged because I focus on myself not on glorifying God in the moments of my day. I have no idea who wrote the story or where it came from, but I thought it was worth copying and sharing.
---

Invisible Mothers...

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The Invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this ? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:
'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Music suggestions anyone?

Now that I find myself home all day every day with the kids (gotta love those gas prices...) I find myself wanting to listen to more music. We now have Pandora Radio set up on our computer which makes it fun and easy to listen to all kinds of music and artists. I love to listen to music but I have this kind of mental block any time I walk into a CD store or look at a website like this. I have no idea what to listen to. I don't know where to start. It's almost like too many options just paralyze me.

So here is your chance to tell me who you think I should listen to.

I am desperate here.

Baptism

The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off - for all whom the Lord our God will call. - Acts 2:39

I will establish my covenant as an everlasting covenant between me and you and your descendants after you for the generations to come, to be your God and the God of your descendants after you. - Genesis 17:7

Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved - you and your household. - Acts 16:31

Nathaniel was his usual charming self and laughed and giggled at Travis.

Travis has the tradition of walking through the congregation with the child before asking the congregation to take their vow of assisting in the spiritual nurture of that child. It is always a meaningful moment for the parents and for the congregation. Nathaniel loved being able to see and smile at everyone.

1. Do you acknowledge your child's need of the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ and the renewing grace of the Holy Spirit?

2. Do you claim God's covenant promises in his behalf, and do you look in faith to the Lord Jesus Christ for his salvation, as you do for your own?

3. Do you now unreservedly dedicate your child to God, and promise, in humble reliance upon divine grace, that you will endeavor to set before him a godly example, that you will pray with and for him, that you will teach him the doctrines of our holy religion, and that you will strive, by all the means of God's appointment, to bring him up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?

--

Every time I hear the questions asked at baptism I am reminded of the depth of God's love for my children. I am reminded that I cannot make my children believe the gospel but I can pray and teach and love. I am reminded that God's promises are real and true. I am reminded that the hardest part of being a parent are those things that we cannot control. I have seen the blessings of faith throughout the generations of mine and Aaron's family and I trust God to continue those blessings, for His glory, in the lives of my children. I am thankful that the salvation of my children is not dependent on what I do or don't do as a mother but rather rests in the perfect love of God for them and His sovereignty in their lives.

Happy Mother's Day

Being a mother has brought me more joy than I had ever imagined. Even on the most difficult or frustrating days there is always a moment of laughter and joy that reminds me of the privilege I have of raising these two precious little ones. Being a mother sends me to the foot of the cross every day, reminding me of my need for my Saviour. I am an imperfect, selfish mother. But I know that God is bigger than I am. I know that he loves me even more than I love my children. I know that he has washed away my sin and that before him I stand righteous. I know that in him I have everything I need.

Jeremiah was so thrilled that Caleb & Moni spent the night here on Saturday. We did our best to keep him quiet so that they could sleep, but by 8:30 he wanted to go and see them. They got some special Jeremiah cuddle time.

Jeremiah and Nathaniel had to "help" grandmommy open her presents.

Nathaniel decided he wanted to climb the stairs to go be with his brother. This kid is fearless!

Nathaniel was also baptized yesterday, but that will be a different post.

Graduation

He did it! On this bright, warm afternoon Aaron walked across the stage at Berry College and received his Masters of Education degree. He was the second to last person to walk and we cheered loudly. Congratulations honey!

The scene of the graduation. It was a beautiful afternoon and I like the relaxed, family friendly atmosphere of having the ceremony outside. It allowed us to let the kids play and crawl around during the long ceremony.

Papa and his boys before the ceremony.

Both Jeremiah and Nathaniel were born while Aaron was in grad school.

Jeremiah tries papa's hat on for size. I had a mother's pang when I saw this picture and realized that one day my little boy could be graduating from college....

Processing in.

Having received his diploma he gets his cool cowl.

The boys did pretty well during the ceremony. They were both really tired (it was nap time) but there was enough to distract them.

All of us.

You did it!

The graduate.

Change of plans

Ever have one of those days where you had everything planned out to do and then it all changes? That is what happened to me today, but it was not a negative or stressful thing. The change in my plans today actually helped me relax and spend some fun time with my boys.

This morning as I was at the grocery store trying to get all the shopping done for this weekend my phone rang and Aaron told me that his cap and gown needed to be picked up from his advisers office before 4:30 this afternoon. I decided that this would be something I could do and told him not to worry about it. I quickly finished the shopping, loaded the boys up in the car, and headed out on our little road trip. Berry College is about a 45 minute drive from our house (imagine in Europe driving 45 minutes each way just to pick up something!) along a nice strip of country road. The sky was clear, the sun was shining, and wild flowers were growing in perfusion along the center median. Nathaniel fell asleep and Jeremiah was quietly playing his Leapster so I was free to listen to music and just enjoy the drive. The Berry College campus is beautiful (you really should check out the link, it is a pretty amazing place) and we took some time to walk around a bit. Jeremiah enjoyed watching the workmen setting up for tomorrows graduation and we even saw a fawn meander across our path! As we left I realized it was almost lunch time so on a whim I pulled into McDonalds. Jeremiah was thrilled with his chicken nuggets and the toy car that came in his happy meal. He played enthusiastically on the playground with another 3 year old boy while I sat with Nathaniel enjoying a coke and burger. Nathaniel contentedly munched on french fries (that boy loves those things!) and wiggled with excitement every time he saw his brother emerge from the tunnel of the slide.

When we arrived home I realized that what could have been a stressful chore actually turned into a pleasant outing. I enjoyed taking the boys somewhere new and just enjoying time away from the house. I love driving (I get that from dad) and the drive and scenery soothed me. There is still alot to be done in preparation for this weekend, but I am sure that everything will happen in time. I am sure too that Caleb & Monica won't mind if my house isn't Better Homes & Gardens ready when they spend the night. :-)

We are looking forward to graduation tomorrow. I told Jeremiah all about what was going to happen and taught him to say "Yay papa! I am so proud of you!" when Aaron walks across that stage tomorrow.

Busy Days

Time just seems to be flying by.

Every night I fall into bed wondering where my day went. Some days I feel a sense of accomplishment. Some days I wonder how I can feel so exhausted but not feel like anything got done.

I have felt a certain shift in the emotional environment of our household. Even though we are still busy with everyday life there is a certain edge of exhaustion and panic that is gone. It feels like the events of Aaron's upcoming graduation, a short break from evening classes, and my stopping work with MCC have all conspired to help us mellow out a little bit and find some semblance of "normal" in our routine. I personally feel more relaxed and able to focus of caring for my husband, the children, and the house.

Since we are an active family of 4 there is still all kinds of stuff going on and this week has been no exception. I have been working on rearranging some furniture and cleaning out the spare room (again). I have also been trying to clean out the attic little by little. Cherise came over one day to help make Mother's Day cards and love on the boys. Caleb & Moni will be spending Saturday night here after graduation so I am trying to make sure that the house is at least basically clean and a place is ready for them. I have some grocery lists to make and cooking to do for Mother's Day. All of this in the few spare moments between laundry, making snacks, changing diapers, nursing the baby, disciplining Jeremiah - you get the picture.

Today I feel fulfilled and at peace in the life I find myself in. It is a cool spring morning with the feel of rain in the air. There is a lot to be done and I am tired from working last night, but I am taking a moment to enjoy a cup of coffee and enjoy this moment of peace and contentment. I feel blessed to be married to a man who loves me more than I deserve, privileged to be a mother to 2 boys who fill me with joy every day, and grateful for the grace I feel from my Saviour even (especially) in moments when I despair at my sin

Latest Hijinks

Nathaniel seems to have hit some kind of developmental growth spurt. All of the sudden he seems to accomplish something new and interesting every day. I wanted to post pictures with this but life has been so busy that I haven't even taken any pictures in the past few days. So you will just have to use your imagination.

* Four top teeth have finally broken through! The problem with getting teeth (aside from the wakeful nights) is that they change the look of my baby's face. All of the sudden I see a little boy smiling at me and only glimpses of the baby remain.

* Crawling, crawling, crawling! This one just won't stop. He figured it out one day and has been enthusiastically exploring the house and chasing Jeremiah ever since. The problem with crawling is that it presents me with undeniable evidence of the dirtiness of my floor. I was doing the laundry the other day and wondering where the big dirty stains on the knees of Nathaniel's pants came from.....

* Imagine this, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and I have just fallen into a deep sleep after getting home from work after midnight. Nathaniel starts to cry and I am just too wiped out to go to him so I ask Aaron to get up. Nathaniel keeps crying even as Aaron is soothing and rocking him. In his most pitiful of whines we hear, "maaah-maaah-maaah-maaah!" It must be a fluke, he can't be talking already. But the next night he repeats his performance. The only time he will say my name is at 3 a.m. when he wants me.

* Nathaniel loves being outside. When we were platning vegetable plants in the front yard he was right there with us crawling through the grass and dirt and "helping" us dig holes. He evn ate grass!

* Jeremiah is learning lessons is sharing and learning to put the things that he does not want chewed on or destroyed out of Nathaniel's reach. But it is fun to watch the relationship between these brothers develop. The other day I was in a frantic hurry trying to get myself and the boys out the door by a certain time. I plopped the boys in their room and told them that they needed to play for a little bit so that I could get ready. As I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth I hear hysterical laughter coming from the bedroom. I poked my head around the door and witnessed Jeremiah and Nathaniel playing cowboy, a game which consists of Jeremiah putting his red cowboy hat on Nathaniel's head. Nathaniel laughs hysterically because the hat is too big and falls over his eyes. He then takes the hat off in a version of pee-a-boo. Both boys dissolve into fits of laughter. Repeat.

Life is busy but good. We are thankful for all of Gods blessings to us.

YEAH!

Aaron just called me. He did it!
He will graduate with a Master's of Education on Saturday, May 10th!!!!!
God is good!
I am so proud of my man!

A Friendly Reminder

If you can, please pray for Aaron today at 4:00 pm.

That is when his oral exam is.

Pray that God will give him clarity of thought and the ability to clearly communicate the knowledge that is in his head.