1000 gifts - another Star Wars birthday

 - a gift: the Boba Fett helmet that Jeremiah has been talking about for a while, I found on super-sale around Christmas time and saved for his birthday, it was so much fun to watch his excitement! (Which of course you can't see in this photo.)

 - store ordered cake: not our tradition, but still enjoyed

 - friends

 - our own little family

- birthday dinner at IHOP while the men went out to celebrate Caleb

 

We had fun celebrating Jeremiah this weekend!

how did we get to Seven?

How did this boy on the left suddenly grow up and turn seven years old? His face has matured and it is more and more difficult to see the baby he once was. Instead I get more glimpses of the man he will become. Last night I gave him my special "last night you are 6" snuggles and marveled at how tall he is. Wasn't it just yesterday that he had to have his head snuggled into that perfect spot on my shoulder before he could fall asleep? I said an extra prayer over him as he slept  his deep sleep, sprawled out on his bed in his pirate pajamas.  This morning dawned bright and clear and there was so much excitement because now he is seven and doesn't have to say he is "practically seven" any more. And my mama heart strings ached just a little bit in the midst of all the joy and excitement of this new milestone.

But 6 has been good and 7 holds bright promise. Six brought even more independence. There was a long visit with opa and oma and your first trip alone with them to Florida. There were long hikes in the mountains. And zipping around the yard on your bike without training wheels. There was soccer camp and the first time spending whole days away from us for a whole week. And you learned to swim! You started 1st grade here at home and became fascinated with archeology and ancient Egypt and Greek myths. You made your first public speech at the ground breaking for the Library renovation and I was so proud of you. There were loose teeth, finally! There were hours spent reading books, as many Magic Tree House books as you could get your hands on. And of course there was your continued fascination with Star Wars and other super hero's of all kinds. Most of all, your relationship with your brother has grown deeper and more true. You are real friends now and it is beautiful for us to see. And you asked questions about God that took my breath away with their depth and insight. We see the Holy Spirit working in you son, and our prayer is that you will continue to soften your heart to His leading.

Happy Birthday Jeremiah! You will always be our "little bear" no matter how big and grown up you become. 

1 year old 

2 years old (last party without a brother around)

3 years old

 
 4 years old

5 years old
6 years old (below)

Baby Shower

The stomach bug hit us hard this week. I am just now starting to feel even remotely like myself. Thankfully Aaron was home on his winter break, so he has been caring for all of us, plus the extra kids that stay at our house during the week. He is quite the man.

Last weekend was crazy. We had a baby shower for Cherise, who is expecting baby Dylan in early March. We are all eager to meet him!

We finished our last foster/adoptive parent training session. 

This weekend is Jeremiah's birthday party. Busy, fun times here!

Bedroom re-do

A few Saturday's ago I went into mad cleaning, rearranging mode. I kept dreaming of having a bed room that feels like a place to retreat to. I kept dreaming of a no-kids zone that was comfy, cozy, romantic and most of all clean. However, I also hate to spend money and even though we needed a bed frame I was too cheap and our mattress stayed on the floor. So, we did some swapping out of furniture and I got rid of a bunch of clothes again so I could get rid of a big wardrobe and we did some major deep cleaning.

Now I smile big and happy when I enter our room!

The bed frame came from the guest room. It was a Craigslist find that we got because it came with the brand new mattress we were buying. So even though the bed frame is more elaborate than our usual minimal /modern taste it was in our house and free. And I actually think it looks nice. Without the wardrobe in the room we were able to rearrange and add a little chair in front of the window. Bliss! I can sit and read or talk on the phone while I watch the kids play out in the back yard. Or, I can just retreat and sit quiet when things are getting too chaotic.

When I walk into this room at the end of another crazy day I feel like I automatically breath deep and relax. 

I feel that change is in the air for our family. Not just with the foster/adoption thing but maybe also in other areas. Aaron and I have been doing a lot of talking about our priorities, how we want to live our lives, crazy stuff like that. We signed Jeremiah up for baseball this spring, which will be a new experience for all of us. It is so nice to have a calm retreat to escape to.

Valentine's Day - Simply Special

We have never been big Valentine's Day enthusiasts. But this year I just felt like it was a good opportunity to make my boys feel special and loved. So they had a heart-shaped brownie with a note waiting for them when they woke up this morning! Because nothing says I love you like a decadent, heart shaped brownie for breakfast! They were also super excited to have mail to open - Valentine cards from Oma and Opa. I think I will make heart shaped pizza for dinner and we will enjoy a quiet evening together. Those are our ways of finding simple ways to make each other feel special.

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head, 

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. 

-1 Corinthians 13:4-8, The Message

What I learn when I admit my lack of control

We had our first home visit from a social worker last night. It wasn't a big deal. Just an informational type meeting designed to give the basic information of what DFCS (Department of Family & Children Services) does and what kinds of kids they have a need for placements for. This was not new information for us. I was a DFCS foster care and adoption case worker for 3 years. I spent a number of years teaching the classes that we are about to take.

But, it feels different to be the family on the other side of the table. As the social worker was giving us the statistics I was thinking about which of those statistics was "our child." I heard us giving our parameters of what we were willing to consider regarding age, number, and legal risk and I knew that the social worker was thinking that we weren't being very flexible. I knew that all the questions I wanted to ask didn't have answers, but I asked them anyway. 

At one point the social worker told us that there were 5 other families going through the approval process who had the same parameters that we do; foster to adopt, age 0-5years, 1-2 kids. My heart fell. The more families with these parameters the less chance that we get matched sooner. For a few minutes I allowed myself to become negative. I thought of all the ways this wasn't going to happen. I thought of all the kids that would be matched to other families. I started to wonder if it would even be worth it for us to pursue this. 

I started quickly to pray because I am learning that the only way to combat doubt and fear is through prayer and the Word of God. I am so thankful that it didn't take long before a sudden peace came over me. I realized that God has guided every one of our steps so far. He has shown answers to prayers that I didn't even know I was praying. How can I not also trust Him as the journey continues? Can I not also trust that if He knows and loves us and knows and loves our child(ren) that He will work out all the details? This process is an opportunity for me to let go of control, because I really have no choice. I have pretty much zero control. I can choose to let that make me anxious or I can choose to rest in the knowledge that I can trust the God who is in control.

If you know me at all then you know that I am a pretty controlling person. I like to think ahead. I like to make plans. I like to make plans for contingency situations. I like to have checklists and time-lines and to-do lists. I do not like unanswered questions. So I know that it is the Holy Spirit working in me when I honestly say that so far I have felt a great deal of peace, despite my lack of control of the situation. I have seen God work and answer prayer, and I know that He will work and answer prayer in the future. I know that His plans are good, even if they don't happen exactly the way I thought or on my time table.

So we are continuing one step at a time. We are trusting that as God leads us He will also provide for us. Our training classes will take place these next 2 Saturdays. There will be much to process and discuss. Will you pray with us that we will continue to rest in God's plan? And will you gracefully remind me of this post when my strength fails and I get anxious and doubting again? :-)

Expecting...

All week long I had a  little secret tucked away. Waiting quiet. Afraid to think that it was really real. Worried that something would change. Thinking that maybe speaking the words out loud would make the dream vanish.

But it didn't vanish. And my husband started speaking it out loud. That is how I knew it was a reality.

You see, we are expecting. But I am not pregnant. What?!

Last week Aaron signed us up for the foster/adoptive parent training classes that our county requires as the first step to becoming a foster/adoptive parent. This is how my husband works. He thinks and process in his head and then he speaks to me when his mind is made up. I have been yearning to adopt for many years. Aaron, being a more patient and rational person than I has been quietly waiting and praying. So, late on Sunday night, after we were tucked in and I was drifting off to sleep my husband says, "I think it is time for us to take the classes." Lo and behold he had already been in contact with the staff person in charge of the classes And just like that the expectation began to grow.

I kept quiet all week long because what is the protocol for letting people know that you are hoping to add to your family, but aren't pregnant? There obviously aren't going to be phone calls with squeals of excitement or conversation about how you feel, when you found out, whether or not you have morning sickness. It's just kind of this threshold that has been crossed, but so many more steps lie ahead. 

We are excited and completely terrified at the same time. Excited because we long to meet "our child" and welcome them as a member of our family. Terrified because there is pretty much nothing about this process that we can control. The classes we will take this month will be the first step. Then a case worker will complete a home study. In the mean time we will be having lots of conversations about what age, how many, what special needs, how this will impact us, how this will impact our kids, how this will impact our extended family. We have no idea when a child will be placed with us.

Aaron and I have both worked in the state system. Aaron was a medicaid specialist and I was a foster care and adoption case worker. We know that the system is messed up. We know that there are many ups and downs. We know that there could be really difficult and challenging situations ahead.  We know that there will be days when our strength will fail. We are not entering into this lightly. However, we also know that there are kids in our county who are abandoned, neglected, and abused who need to be loved. We know that we don't get to ignore that need just because we want to be safe and comfortable in our own little world. We know that the Bible is very clear about caring for "the least of these." We know that we have family and friends to love and support us. We know that our God is loving and good and will sustain us through the joys and the challenges that lay ahead.

So there it is, we are expecting! But thank goodness this time around I don't have to deal with morning sickness.