Yesterday I made a conscious decision to practice a parenting method of discipline that I had always said I would never, ever do. Funny how that happens.....
A few months ago we assumed Nathaniel was completely potty trained. For a whole week he used the toilet, on his own, with very few accidents. We high-fived each other and figured we had the 2 smartest, easiest to potty train kids in the whole world. That made us pretty good parents, because in the world of parenting your success is measured by your child's success. Ha ha!
They say pride goes before a fall. And Nathaniel must have decided that we were too prideful because he promptly decided to stop using the potty and do his business everywhere but the potty. Unless we begged, and reminded, and set timers, and prompted, he chose to either go in his pants or go all over the floor. No amount of m&m's or other candy bribe seemed to be enough incentive. He honestly and truly didn't care if his pants were wet. He seemed to think it was easier to go in his pants, dump the contents in the toilet, and then put on clean pants, then to just go in the toilet in the first place. Ugh!!
Now, let me be clear here. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit that is not very abundant in me. And potty training brings out the worst of my lack of patience. I huff and puff. I yell. I complain about the extra work for me. And after months of dealing with pee and poop I was losing what small vestiges of patience I still had.
In the past few days I noticed a pattern. I would ask Nathaniel if he needed to use the potty. He would tell me "no." I would ask him if he was listening to his body. He would tell me "yes." Then, less then 5 minutes later I would find him hiding somewhere and doing his business. So yesterday I made a clear and conscious decision. I told Nathaniel that if he peed or pooped in his pants after telling me he didn't need to go I would spank him. Yep. Everything I learned as a social worker about not spanking, especially for bodily functions, went out the window. Because I realized that Nathaniel was not trying his best and then having accidents, he was choosing to disobey. I knew that Nathaniel was capable of going in the potty, he was being passive aggressive in his disobedience.
Of course, he tested me. Less than an hour after our conversation and about 5 minutes after I had asked him to take a potty break and he had told me that he didn't need to I found him in his room taking off dirty pants and trying to dispose of the contents. I cleaned him up, talked to him about our earlier conversation, and then spanked him. It hurt. Him and me. I hated to do it. But I did, twice yesterday he received a spanking for going in his pants.
Last night before bed we talked about it again. We talked about outward obedience as a measure of the inward obedience of the heart. As I went to bed last night I prayed that I was not scarring my kid for life by my discipline methods of the day.
This morning when he woke up I went over it all again with Nathaniel. He knew the consequence for disobeying when it came to potty time. And lo and behold! In the midst of making Valentine cards Nathaniel ran to the potty, was gone a few minutes, then came running back shouting, "I WENT POOP IN THE POTTY! COME LOOK! I DID IT!" We did a silly, loud, happy dance and I told him I was so proud of him!
Funny, how potty training Nathaniel came to be about more than just where he went poop and pee. None of the tips or tricks that we heard or read about helped. For him, it was a heart issue of obedience and that had to be dealt with before the poop and pee could be dealt with. Today I am hopeful. He has, on his own initiative, stayed clean and dry all morning. This is a huge victory considering that for the past few weeks I have already changed his pants 3 times by this time.
This parenting thing is pretty complicated!
A few months ago we assumed Nathaniel was completely potty trained. For a whole week he used the toilet, on his own, with very few accidents. We high-fived each other and figured we had the 2 smartest, easiest to potty train kids in the whole world. That made us pretty good parents, because in the world of parenting your success is measured by your child's success. Ha ha!
They say pride goes before a fall. And Nathaniel must have decided that we were too prideful because he promptly decided to stop using the potty and do his business everywhere but the potty. Unless we begged, and reminded, and set timers, and prompted, he chose to either go in his pants or go all over the floor. No amount of m&m's or other candy bribe seemed to be enough incentive. He honestly and truly didn't care if his pants were wet. He seemed to think it was easier to go in his pants, dump the contents in the toilet, and then put on clean pants, then to just go in the toilet in the first place. Ugh!!
Now, let me be clear here. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit that is not very abundant in me. And potty training brings out the worst of my lack of patience. I huff and puff. I yell. I complain about the extra work for me. And after months of dealing with pee and poop I was losing what small vestiges of patience I still had.
In the past few days I noticed a pattern. I would ask Nathaniel if he needed to use the potty. He would tell me "no." I would ask him if he was listening to his body. He would tell me "yes." Then, less then 5 minutes later I would find him hiding somewhere and doing his business. So yesterday I made a clear and conscious decision. I told Nathaniel that if he peed or pooped in his pants after telling me he didn't need to go I would spank him. Yep. Everything I learned as a social worker about not spanking, especially for bodily functions, went out the window. Because I realized that Nathaniel was not trying his best and then having accidents, he was choosing to disobey. I knew that Nathaniel was capable of going in the potty, he was being passive aggressive in his disobedience.
Of course, he tested me. Less than an hour after our conversation and about 5 minutes after I had asked him to take a potty break and he had told me that he didn't need to I found him in his room taking off dirty pants and trying to dispose of the contents. I cleaned him up, talked to him about our earlier conversation, and then spanked him. It hurt. Him and me. I hated to do it. But I did, twice yesterday he received a spanking for going in his pants.
Last night before bed we talked about it again. We talked about outward obedience as a measure of the inward obedience of the heart. As I went to bed last night I prayed that I was not scarring my kid for life by my discipline methods of the day.
This morning when he woke up I went over it all again with Nathaniel. He knew the consequence for disobeying when it came to potty time. And lo and behold! In the midst of making Valentine cards Nathaniel ran to the potty, was gone a few minutes, then came running back shouting, "I WENT POOP IN THE POTTY! COME LOOK! I DID IT!" We did a silly, loud, happy dance and I told him I was so proud of him!
Funny, how potty training Nathaniel came to be about more than just where he went poop and pee. None of the tips or tricks that we heard or read about helped. For him, it was a heart issue of obedience and that had to be dealt with before the poop and pee could be dealt with. Today I am hopeful. He has, on his own initiative, stayed clean and dry all morning. This is a huge victory considering that for the past few weeks I have already changed his pants 3 times by this time.
This parenting thing is pretty complicated!
