Kids in the kitchen

Jeremiah reads the recipe and instructions.

Mashing the banana's

Nathaniel really just wanted to eat.

Working together. Two sweet boys on their tip-toes.

Stirring it all up.

Oooooh...watching it bake.

The finished product! Smile and say "banana bread!!"

Honestly, I don't like having my kids help me in the kitchen. I know that in order to be a good mom, etc. I am supposed to let them help in the kitchen. But I know the limits of my patience and they do not extended to having boys under my feet while I am cooking, making big messes that I have to clean up. But the origins of that are for another time.

Yesterday Jeremiah found a recipe for Big Bird's Banana Bread in a library book and he insisted that we make it. We actually had fun doing this. (I measured everything in advance and put it in little bowls like on a cooking show.) It was an easy, nutritious, and good. I am sure this will get made again.

(Yes I know, Jeremiah's hair has not been combed. And yes, he wears his pirate t-shirt almost every day.)

Big Bird's Banana Bread
3 peeled, ripe banana's
3/4 cup honey
1/4 cup melted butter
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour

1. Put peeled bananas in a bowl and mash with the back of a fork.
2. Add melted butter.
4. Add rest of ingredients and stir until mixed together.
5. Pour into oiled bread pan.
5. Bake at 350 for 1 hour.

Embarassing my past teenage self

I was not the kind of teenager who was secure in my own skin and content to be an individual. I was convinced that everyone was watching me and judging my every move. Maybe the fact that my childhood was so radically different from anyone I knew made me desperately want to be your average Gap clothed teenager who you couldn't pick out in a crowd.

So you can image that I hated shopping at thrift stores. I would get embarrassed and frustrated and just wish that we could go to the mall like everyone else. I would pick through the racks as quickly as I could, throw what I wanted into a bag and jet out of there before anyone I knew could see me. (Never mind that many of my friends shopped at thrift stores.)

Fast forward 20 years and now that I am in charge of my own household and finances I love shopping at thrift stores. As I learn to stretch Aaron's teaching salary I am constantly amazed at the name-brand, good quality things that I can find for a fraction of the price if I just take the time to look.

Yet, aside from all the practical reasons for shopping at thrift stores the main reason I enjoy it is the surprise factor. Sometimes I find little fun things that just make me happy and that I wouldn't normally buy (especially at retail price). What do you think my teenage self would have thought of my 33 year old self getting all excited and squealing with glee in the Goodwill when I saw this Dr. Seuss step stool for only $3.99?! I'm sure she would have rolled her eyes, shrugged her shoulders, and gone to the other end of the store - which is probably what my boys will do in a few years.

Asking for joy

Ask and you shall receive, that your joy may be full. - John 16:24

"Jesus wants me to be a happy, joyous disciple. He revealed the Good News of my redemption and the promise of eternal life to fill me with a joy which this world cannot give.
As he himself said: 'All this I tell you that my joy may be yours, and your joy may be complete.' (John 15:11)
Today, Jesus, I do come to 'ask' and 'receive' what you promised. In my prayer I ask that I may be filled with a deep, quiet, interior joy and become a channel of joy to everyone along the path I travel.
'Rejoice in the Lord always! I say it again. Rejoice!' (Phillipians 4:4)"
- from Follow Me: A Daily Guide to Scriptural Prayer by David E. Rosage

I will admit that my personality tends toward legalism. I turn grace into religion, a list of rules I can try to keep and a checklist of things that I need to do. My heart is never satisfied with this but sometimes it seems easier.

After a difficult day yesterday I woke with a sigh. My mind was already running through the things I wanted to do today. My heart was already dreading the sacrifices I knew I would have to make in order to parent my boys and love my husband. I knew that I was supposed to see blessings in all, to keep counting the gifts even in the midst of sickness and mess and weariness. But honestly, trying to dredge up joy just seemed like something else I had to do in order to be a good Christian.

Then I read the above devotional. I felt tears well behind my eyelids as this wonderful truth flooded my spirit. I can ask God for joy! He loves me so deeply His Son died to cover all my dirty sin, even the ugly sins I committed just yesterday evening. Then I start to smile and feel irrational joy start to quietly push aside my attitude of tired resignation because, oh joy!, I know the dark ugliness of my sin and I marvel at the depth of love to completely cover it.

And just like that showing love and grace to my family becomes a delight and joy for me, not because I have to do it but because I want them to experience the love and grace that I feel.

Love is not easy

Before I became a mother no one told me I would have days in which:

- My 2 year old has horrible diarrhea, continues to eat like normal, and then vomits up everything he ate that day in the middle of nap time.

- My best laid plans of cleaning and working out fall by the wayside so that I can keep up with said diapers and vomit.

- All I want is to take a shower and make myself presentable before my husband gets home but I don't want to leave said 2 year old alone (for obvious reasons).

- My 4 year old desperately needs some one-on-one attention and I (selfishly) just can't seem to summon the energy.

- I speak ungraciously ("just wait one minute!") to said 4 year old when he asks for my help on his spelling work sheet causing his eyes to well with tears and him to leave the room with bowed head and resulting in heart stabbing grief for me.

So today my lesson in learning to love involved gently caring for a sick child without complaining about the dirty messes I had to clean up and putting aside my wants in order to give another child what he needed. There is nothing in the famous love verses of 1 Corinthians 13 that promise that love is easy.

1000 Gifts (8)

Last week was quiet. We stayed home all week just hanging out. In the past I may have been bored or anxious for life to be more exciting. But taking a minute at the end of each day to count my gifts made my heart overflow with thankfulness for all the goodness and beauty there is in the daily, simple moments of this life.

- warm sun, being outside!
- Nathaniel's spontaneous, "I wuv u mama!"
- the boys enjoying the food I made
- a chat with mom
- exercise
- yoga class, a stretched invigorated body
- knowing that dinner tomorrow is being prepared by someone else
- an organized linen closet
- lego's
- Jeremiah's sweet and immediate desire to comfort his brother when he fell
- grace-filled encouragement from a wise woman
- an impromptu dinner with friends, practicing hospitality
- watching Jeremiah take joy in entertaining a younger child
- Aaron and the boys dancing crazy together
- the boys excitement for Sunday school to resume
- watching Nathaniel give out many hugs at church, he is full of love
- tears during worship

I am numbering my gifts in my private journal. I choose some to share here. In my journal I am up to 172.

Who is this for anyway?

I continue to struggle in the area of consistent, loving, heart oriented discipline of my children. Some days go really well and some days just unravel and I feel completely out of control and out of my depth.

"Outward behaviors are only the manifestation of the real problem, which lies in the heart."
- Ginger Plowman

I have been challenged to use the Bible more and more in the correction and training of the boys. I believe that God's Word is powerful and effective and will speak much better to the hearts of my children than my words will. And yet in the middle of a discipline situation my mind goes blank and I sputter out lectures and arguments.

This week I copied verses from Ginger Plowman's Wise Words for Moms onto 3x5 cards. Each category of verses is in a different color (disobedience is blue, whining is orange, selfishness is pink etc.) with the verse written on one side of the card and the category on the other. I then put all the cards in a bowl in the middle of dining room table. Now, when I need to step in and use discipline in a situation the verses are right at my fingertips. They keep me focused on the goal of discipline (the heart, not authoritarian control). I am also able to give Jeremiah the cards so he can sit and read and think about his behavior himself. We are also working on memorizing one verse per week.

I started this "project" with visions of productive discipline solutions and compassionate, well-behaved children. But you know what? The same Word that I am praying will speak the heart of my children is speaking to my heart. Verses like:

Honor one another above yourself. - Romans 12:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths. - Galatians 4:29
Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control. - Proverbs 25:28

As I continue this journey of learning to discipline my children I find my own heart being disciplined and convicted. This parenting thing is turning out to be much more than I bargained for.

who needs tv?

I will admit that we have been using TV as a crutch the past month or so. Before Christmas the weather was so cold and there was so much to get done that the boys watched at least 1 (and most of the time 2) videos per day. While we were in Philadelphia they watched a few PBSkids shows every morning while Aaron and I got ready and cleaned up. When we got back I was so sick and tired (and it was so cold) that the boys watched many videos so that I could rest.

I am not against my kids watching TV. I think that there are times in life when TV has its place. However, I want to guard against it becoming a crutch for me and a given for the boys. So I knew that this week it was going to be time to cut back on the TV watching. And I will admit that I was a bit worried about that process. I prayed for extra grace, patience, and creativity.

God is so good in answering even the smallest and most selfish of prayers! The boys have not watched any movies since Friday and yet we have still managed to fill the days with things to do. The greatest blessing has been the warming temperatures. With their new found independence and creative play together the boys have been able to go out into the back yard and happily play without my constant supervision. They have been going on expeditions, finding dragons, feeding lions, hiding from wolves, and filling their treasure boxes. Who needs TV when there is all of that to do in our own back yard?

1000 Gifts (7)

- energy to tackle household chores and responsibilities again after 10 days of sick (Nathaniel sorts his toys into new storage bins.)

- friends for my boys (Eli's 3rd birthday!)

- friends of ours who love our kids
- worship, real and soul feeding back at the church we call home
- clean kitchen counters
- the kindness of the librarians to the boys
- realizing my life is here, in this small southern town, and it is good
- homemade granola
- a made bed
- skype
- making Lilly smile
- knowing Aaron is locking up the house and on his way to bed
- thinking
- a quiet moment on a rainy saturday afternoon to read, sip tea, and journal
- our morning Psalm, read together and giving us proper focus for our day.
Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. - Psalm 32:1-2
- sermon reminding me of God's grace which is bigger than my big, big sin

I've been absent from this for a few weeks with holiday traveling and then all the sickness we have had. But I have been slowly continuing to count my gifts in my journal and I am up to 138! God is good.
I strongly encourage you to check out the link to Ann Voskamp's blog. Beautiful photography and timeless truths. You will be encouraged.

The irony

The irony is that on the morning when I feel my energy surge back, the weather warms, and I want to leave the house for the first time in 2 weeks, my little boys instead play together for 2 hours (!). They run around half clothed making up little games that only they know the rules to. I hear chattering. Jeremiah bosses Nathaniel because that is what big brothers do. Nathaniel, who is grateful to be given so much attention, goes along with all of Jeremiah's instructions. Matchbox cars are involved as are constructed potato heads and random zoo animals.
Even though I am itching to get out of this house I sit quietly and let them play. The tears well briefly in my eyes because the moment is beautiful. I am thankful for their growing bond - boys becoming brothers.

My goal for 2010

On new year's eve my mom asked us if we had any goals or resolutions for the coming year. I didn't answer because I always have so many goals floating around in my head it was hard to sort through them. Believe me, I am more than aware of my many shortcomings and areas that need improvement.

I know that I need to practically serve my husband better. I know that I need to be more disciplined about rising early and making the most of my days. I know that I need to be more involved and present with my children. I know that I need to stop yelling so much. I know that I need to serve others more. I know that I need to manage my finances better. I know that I need to exercise and loose weight. I know that I need to spend more time in communion with God.

Then I realized the other day that it all boils down to this:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - I Corinthians 13:4-6

This year I want to learn to love better.

If I have a clean and most beautifully decorated house but have not love...
If I have well behaved and intelligent children but have not love...
If I have a healthy, skinny body but have not love...
If I live debt free, have a full savings account, and give my extra money to the poor but have not love...
If I rise early, complete my daily tasks and accomplish much but have not love...

So that's it for me. Love.

I know that this is not really a measurable goal and that the practicalities of it will look different every day. I know too that it is a goal that will take a lifetime, not just one year.

People we love!

Back...sort of...

We did actually make it back from Philly. We drove last Saturday and actually made really good time. But since then I have been sick in bed with a horrible sinus infection, Jeremiah had bronchitis, and Nathaniel the remnants of allergy/infection stuff. Thankfully Aaron has been well and taking care of us.
I have many pictures to download and things to post, but I haven't even had the energy to change my clothes, so all that will have to wait.
We had a good time though. Despite various people being sick and not all things happening as planned it was good to be together. The boys got lots of love and attention. What a blessing it was to get to spend the holidays together!