Love is not easy

Before I became a mother no one told me I would have days in which:

- My 2 year old has horrible diarrhea, continues to eat like normal, and then vomits up everything he ate that day in the middle of nap time.

- My best laid plans of cleaning and working out fall by the wayside so that I can keep up with said diapers and vomit.

- All I want is to take a shower and make myself presentable before my husband gets home but I don't want to leave said 2 year old alone (for obvious reasons).

- My 4 year old desperately needs some one-on-one attention and I (selfishly) just can't seem to summon the energy.

- I speak ungraciously ("just wait one minute!") to said 4 year old when he asks for my help on his spelling work sheet causing his eyes to well with tears and him to leave the room with bowed head and resulting in heart stabbing grief for me.

So today my lesson in learning to love involved gently caring for a sick child without complaining about the dirty messes I had to clean up and putting aside my wants in order to give another child what he needed. There is nothing in the famous love verses of 1 Corinthians 13 that promise that love is easy.

My goal for 2010

On new year's eve my mom asked us if we had any goals or resolutions for the coming year. I didn't answer because I always have so many goals floating around in my head it was hard to sort through them. Believe me, I am more than aware of my many shortcomings and areas that need improvement.

I know that I need to practically serve my husband better. I know that I need to be more disciplined about rising early and making the most of my days. I know that I need to be more involved and present with my children. I know that I need to stop yelling so much. I know that I need to serve others more. I know that I need to manage my finances better. I know that I need to exercise and loose weight. I know that I need to spend more time in communion with God.

Then I realized the other day that it all boils down to this:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - I Corinthians 13:4-6

This year I want to learn to love better.

If I have a clean and most beautifully decorated house but have not love...
If I have well behaved and intelligent children but have not love...
If I have a healthy, skinny body but have not love...
If I live debt free, have a full savings account, and give my extra money to the poor but have not love...
If I rise early, complete my daily tasks and accomplish much but have not love...

So that's it for me. Love.

I know that this is not really a measurable goal and that the practicalities of it will look different every day. I know too that it is a goal that will take a lifetime, not just one year.