Thanksgiving

Nathaniel woke at 5:30 this morning. Why is it that babies seem to have this 6th sense about waking early on the one morning that you really really wanted some extra sleep? So he and I have been padding quietly around the dark house trying to occupy ourselves until others awake and join us. There are 3 digital cameras resting here on the computer desk, each with our photo memories of a fun Thanksgiving day. Later today we will all download and compile our pictures so that we can share them with others that we love who were not here with us.
Yesterday was a great Thanksgiving day with the perfect combination of family, food, and good conversation. I realized yesterday that I can't even remember the last time that I spent Thanksgiving with my brothers. Our lives have been so fragmented as we reached adulthood that we have not built the traditions of family holidays together. So I think that my most cherished memories of yesterday will be of the time I spent with my brothers planning the meal, preparing the food, readying the house for a festive day, enjoying easy humorous chat while we went about our tasks. Jeremiah was of course in a frenzy of barely controlled excitement as the day progressed. His greeting for everyone was a bright and enthusiastic, "Happy Thanksgiving!" And I do believe that he ate his weight in sugary desserts.
After all the guests had left the 6 of us "kids"sat in the living room just hanging out with the Eagles game on in the background. The dishes had been done, the kitchen cleaned, the fridge stuffed with left overs and we were enjoying an evening drink and snack. As I sat in that moment enjoying the quiet that descended on the house I felt such peace and gratitude. I realized that we were the "next generation"to start making our own Thanksgiving traditions. while the generation to come slept quietly in the basement below. I marveled at the men my brothers had become and the women they had married. I thought about the thoughtful speech Ben had made about family loving each other despite differences in opinions. Then I realized that this Thanksgiving what I am most thankful for is the opportunity to share my siblings lives in a way that I have not been able to before. I am thankful for these moments we have to learn about each other as adults and to build our relationship in a deeper and new way. It is fun and rewarding.

Giving thanks

I am sitting in a house in New Jersey. I have spent the day grocery shopping and baking with various family members in preparation for tomorrow. Now the delicious smell of pie baking is wafting out of the kitchen and the house feels cozy and warm as the day darkens outside.
Thanksgiving is my favorite American holiday. I love the traditions of family, food, and fun that surround the holiday with out the pressure of giving gifts. I love the fall colors and the food that evokes the season (pumpkin, cranberries, squash). What I like most about Thanksgiving is the opportunity it gives us to pause after a busy summer and before a busy Christmas season to consider the blessings we have. With the emphasis on having a thankful heart the focus is on enjoying the simple pleasures of the day and not on gift giving and receiving. For me, the anticipation and preparation for Thanksgiving Day are a reminder to pause and consider all that I have to be thankful for.
The truth is that I have been blessed more richly than I deserve. I have salvation from sin and no fear of death. I have a husband who loves me patiently and selflessly. I have two beautiful boys who make every day an adventure. I have the love of extended family. I have more material wealth and possession than most people in the world.
When I spend a week in reflection of God's goodness to me I am often shamed by the selfishness that lurks in my heart. I have been richly blessed and yet there are many days when my heart feels discontent and dissatisfaction. The week of Thanksgiving reminds me that I am most content when I tune out the noise of the world around me (the world which is constantly trying to tell me that my worth comes from the things I have) and focus on the goodness of my God.

Sibling Interaction

I love some of the interaction that this video captures. As Nathaniel grows and is communicating better Jeremiah is learning how to play with him. He is starting to become very helpful and even protective. Nathaniel has learned that if he wants another bite of food after he has gotten out of his high chair all he has to do is toddle over to Jeremiah and smack his lips. He is rewarded with a bite of food from Jeremiah's plate. It is so encouraging to me to see these moments of brotherhood develop.
We are headed to New Jersey for the Thanksgiving week. Jeremiah is in an excited frenzy of activity as he anticipates our trip. As we were checking out books at the library on Friday Jeremiah proudly told the librarians, "We are not getting Thomas movies today because we are going to New Jersey for Thanksgiving to visit Ben, Ramona, Will and Mariana!" They were amused. I am looking forward to this trip. We have no plan or agenda other than just spending time with family and enjoying ourselves. I always enjoy road trips with Aaron. I love driving, listening to music, and the time to sit and talk without distractions.
Speaking of distractions. There is still much to do before we can load up the car. I hope that you all are able to spend time this week reflecting on God's goodness and grace.

Comfortable?

The sermons in our church the past few weeks have been very convicting. We have been learning about our brothers and sisters in Christ who are being persecuted for their faith and the sermons have been encouraging us to consider how we live our lives as Christians. My brain has been filled with so many thoughts and my heart with convictions. Here are some notes that I took 2 weeks ago. It has given me a lot of food for thought. One of my biggest fears in my Christian life is that I will just become comfortable. These sermons are challenging to move out of my comfort zone and see what God can do. I am still not sure exactly what that will look like but I trust the Spirit will guide.
--

Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. -2 Timothy 3:12
Suffering for a Christian is not just a possibility but a guarantee.
Deep inside we believe that God is there simply to meet our needs - rather than for us to glorify Him. We desire wealth and prosperity - which in history has lead to the ruin of nations.
1 Peter 4 - leisure and wealth promote sinning, suffering prevents sinning
Persecution of God's people happens for a reason - because God's people are living radically different from those around them. Therefore they are persecuted because they are living the light of the gospel to those who hate it. Christians are persecuted because they are living out the gospel in their lives.
As we think about others who are being persecuted the question should not simply be, "Why are they suffering?" but rather, "Why are we NOT suffering?"
We should be asking, "Lord, why am I not suffering for you? Do the people around me not see enough difference in me? Am I ignoring things your Spirit is prompting me to do?"
God is not here to serve us (prosperity gospel), we are here to serve Him.

Coloring

Nathaniel's first picture!

Nathaniel is into doing anything that he sees Jeremiah doing. His latest thing is coloring, to the extent that he figured out how to drag a chair over to the dryer and was able to reach the box of crayons. So I had to move them to a higher spot.

Yeah, we are going to color.

Let's see...what color to use?

Ooohh, this is a pretty color.

Yeah! Nathaniel is coloring!

Nathaniel has enough of coloring and just wants to grab hand fulls of crayons.

Technology

Nathaniel's sweet, sleepy after nap face.
It is the only time (other than when he is sick) that he willingly snuggles.

He usually isn't allowed to play with the phone and you can tell by his face that he is just waiting for me to notice he has it and take it away.

"talking" to papa

Kicked back. He is a natural.

Nathaniel has recently discovered the telephone. Not play telephones, this kid doesn't really play with real toys, but the wonder's of the real thing. I let him hear Aaron talking one day when he was being a bit whiny and now every time he sees me on the phone he comes over and demands (through pulling, whining, and general distracting tactics) to talk as well. It is so funny to watch the wonder in his face as he hears Aaron's voice coming to him. His eyes get big, his face is intent, sometimes he grunts or makes noises, and often he nods his head up and down.
Jeremiah has been talking on the phone for a long time now and demands to talk to whoever calls as soon as I am done. Many of our friends are so kind and patiently listen to a stream of Jeremiah's conversation. I remember when I used to do that for my friends when their kids were at this stage. A funny circle. But anyway, now that both boys are into the phone there is some intense sibling rivalry whenever Aaron makes his afternoon phone call home. You know the scene- boys grabbing, often screaming, not really wanting to wait their turn. It's a bit crazy.
It's amazing to me sometimes to think about the technology that my kids are growing up with. When we lived in Nigeria we were basically cut off from everyone in the States. The mail was not reliable, phones either, and of course no Internet or cell phones. I went to a boarding school because there were no other schooling options - homeschooling just wasn't done. When I moved back to the US from Holland talking on the phone was so expensive that I only talked to my family once every other week for no more than 30 minutes because it cost about $1.00/minute. I remember my freshman year at Covenant I was one of the few people who had a laptop (black & white screen) with Internet. My dad wanted to make sure we could be in touch and we were excited by the fact that we could email each other every day if we wanted to and it wouldn't cost a thing. No one had cell phones, shoot most of us didn't even have a car.
And now my kids are growing up in this technologically advanced age. At 3 Jeremiah has been taught how to work the phone in case there is an emergency. We have been Skyping with grandparents since he was an infant. He already has a hand-held game system that we use to keep him occupied on long trips. We have a DVR so Jeremiah already thinks that it is normal to pause or replay live TV. We have the option of homeschooling the boys because we can have access to good curriculum. I am sure that as they grow they will have cell phones and all kinds of other technological gadgets.
What is mind boggling to me is how to use all this technology wisely, responsibly, and safely. It definitely opens up a whole new area of parenting that I don't think my parents ever had to consider. But for now it is just fun to watch the wonder in my boys faces as they discover the magic of these technological wonders. I mean seriously, what must be going through Nathaniel's head when he hears Aaron's voice but can't see him? :-)

He speaks! (finally, sort of)

There is so much about Nathaniel that continues to charm me. He is a loving, energetic, humorous, adventurous child. Most of what is charming (and maddening) is his unpredictability. The first days and weeks of his life were spent sleeping. It was impossible to wake him if he didn't want to be awake. We thought we had a calm one on our hands. We were wrong. Once he woke up to the world he was wired. Sleep was difficult to obtain, sparatic and rarely on a schedule despite my best efforts. Even from early infancy he wanted to be held straight up so he could see everything. His crawling was a little later than the developmental books suggested but it was exactly 2 months from the day he crawled to the day he walked at 10 months. He has been non-stop ever since; walking, running, climbing and jumping.
One thing that has been consistent is Nathaniel's lack of "talking." Crying was such a rare thing that when he did cry we got worried because we knew something must really be wrong for him to cry about it. My best guess is that he is so physically active that talking is just not high on his priority list. And of course we were used to Jeremiah who at one year old knew all of his animal sounds, always had an extensive vocabulary, knew his ABC's before he was 2, and generally never stops talking.
So imagine my delight when in the past 10 days or so Nathaniel has started to express more of an interest in mimicking words! Here are the words he has started to say consistently:
ha = horse (he is obsessed with horses, can spot a picture of a horse from a mile away)
cah-p = cup
ba-ba = bye bye
i-s = eyes
doh = door
puh-puh = up

As fit's his personality Nathaniel's talking is completely random. Sometimes for me he will use a lot of words (I swear I have heard cheese & eat) but not that much with Aaron. And he still does not use our names consistently. I guess he figures he doesn't have to, he knows who we are. :-)

Another Year

Every year my birthday kinda sneaks up on me, and this year even more so. I still experience a small shock when I tell people my age (now 32) not because I am vain or care about the number, but because I feel like someone in their 30's should have their life more together than I have mine. I still feel so immature and so selfish in so many ways. I still struggle daily with self discipline, controlling anger and loving others more than I love myself just to name a few. I wonder what God would have me accomplish. Is living in this small town, working part time at a fast food restaurant while trying to be a wife and mother really accomplishing anything for the Kingdom?
Despite all the self-examination and probing questions I have been asking myself recently I feel thankful for life I have been given. I have a husband who is more gentle, patient and loving than I deserve. I have two beautiful sons who light up my life every day. I am surrounded by family and friends who care for me. I am healthy and my physical needs are all provided for. I am the daughter of a Father who loves me so much He has washed my sins away and sees me as perfect through Christ.
When I was a teenager I envisioned my adult self as a jet-setting, high powered, international business woman traveling the world and meeting all kinds of interesting people. When I was in college I envisioned myself as a counselor to third culture kids, maybe working at a boarding school in Europe or Africa. I never once envisioned myself as a wife and mother, living and working in a small town in conservative, southern America - much less liking it.
I have no idea what God has in store for my future. I have some vague plans (adoption? more social work? moving?) but I trust God's plan, whatever that may be. In the mean time I am working more at enjoying each day for the beauty it brings and lessons it teaches me.
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Loving Fall

Fall always seems to be a time of reflection. With the days shortening and all the fun holidays just around the corner I find myself cherishing quiet moments in the day where I can sit, think, and just be for a few minutes. My mind has been full of deep, complicated thoughts recently and some days I just feel that time is slipping through my fingers. I think that is why I am making a concerted effort to just enjoy the moments of the day that I am given; Nathaniel's sweet kisses, Jeremiah's probing questions and enthusiastic energy, the loud banging and drumming that I hear all day long as they both make their own kind of music, the mornings spent exploring our yard, the after nap snuggles. All of this feels fleeting and poignant to me right now. I have not been taking many pictures lately because I just let myself get too busy. So yesterday I decided that we would just enjoy the morning with no agenda other than to spend time together and for me to take some pictures. It was going great until Nathaniel decided there was no way he would sit still for anything, Jeremiah started whining because he didn't want to sit in the "dirty leaves", and the camera batteries died. :-) But we did enjoy our morning.

MIA

Well, things were running along fine and smooth. I had a good schedule down with the boys. I was getting things cleaned and organized around the house. I had plans to go through the boys clothes, organizing, storing, weeding out. Then, BAM! Instead of spending my week in all of those noble pursuits I spent the week laying on the couch coughing, sneezing and trying to keep the boys out of too much trouble. By the end of the week my house was a disaster, I had not made it out of my sweats, and I was still exhausted and trying to fight off this nasty cold.
It is funny how a week like that can frustrate me. But I know that God's grace carried me through because now that I reflect on it the week was not so bad after all. I took extra time to snuggle the boys. We read tons of books, played dinosaurs on the floor, cozied on the couch watching Elmo or Thomas. Somehow I stayed patient and loving despite feeling like crap all week. God provided people to work for my on Friday and Saturday nights so that I didn't even feel guilty about calling in sick to work.
I awoke this morning still stuffy and snotty but with renewed energy. I am thankful for this home that God has given me and the family He has given me to serve. Instead of despairing at the repair I have to do after a week of minimal maintenance I am thankful for the energy I do have to tackle the tasks that God has given me. I am thankful for the lessons that my Father gently teaches me in the midst of daily life.

Voting

Today's voting experience was a little surreal. First because I had to drag myself out of the house. I have a horrible cold that has me congested and exhausted. Second because while I knew who I was voting for I was basically voting on one issue alone and really felt torn, even to the second that I turned in my final ballot. Third because I felt proud that no matter what the outcome of the election, history will be made today.
There were no long lines at my polling station, a positive to living in a small town. I had both of the boys with me and the poll workers, mostly senior citizens, were so thrilled to see them learning to do their civic duty at such a young age. But I witnessed something quite moving while I was there. At least 3 men admitted when they got their sticker that this was their first time voting. I would say they were middle aged, obviously blue collar workers in their camo baseball hats and Carhartt coveralls. When one man told the poll worker that he was a first time voter she jumped up and gave him a big hug. It was a beautiful sight. A visual reminder that politics does not have to be divisive and that our individual vote is important.
Once we had gotten our stickers and were headed out the door Jeremiah exclaimed, "But I thought we were going to vote on a BOAT!" Hee hee. I can never stay to serious or contemplative when this one is around.

Perspective

Hosanna In the Highest
I see the king of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes

I see his love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing

[Chorus]
Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest x2

I see a generation
Rising up to take their place
With selfless faith
With selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees
We're on our knees

[Chorus]

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from earth to
Eternity

With the election approaching and Christmas around the corner (strange events to connect I know, but hang in there) I have been thinking a lot about how God works in history to further His kingdom. Many Christians that I know have expressed fear over the possible outcome of tomorrow's election. I can't say that I feel any fear. I felt my fear when I watched the twin towers fall on 9/11, knowing that the American people would have a choice about how to react. I felt my fear when I watched with a sinking heart the news coverage of the Iraqi invasion, knowing that this event would change the world forever and that my children may have significant challenges to face as a result of this rash decision. I know who I will vote for tomorrow. But I do not vote with unreserved support or even a strong desire that he will win. I think about the future that my children will face. I pray daily that my sons will be strong men of God who will face whatever challenges they face with faith. This election has caused me to fix my eyes on my eternal home. In the past few weeks I have become acutely aware that this world is not my home. For that I am thankful. The song that I quoted above expresses my thoughts, especially the last bridge.

Halloween 08

The fearless safari explorer on the hunt for.....

the cutest little lion ever! (I know, I said the same thing about Jeremiah.)

The lion eating his favorite: rocks.

Aaron as a farmer.

Below: I was a marathon runner. Not very original, but I had to work and I wanted to be comfy. Also, if you know me you know it really was a costume because I highly doubt that I will ever run a marathon. Ever. :-)

The scene on our front step on Halloween. This year the boys really got into giving out candy. Jeremiah claimed it as his job that "I don't need you to help me with!" Aaron told me that Nathaniel discovered he could give kids candy too and was trying to chase them down with candy in his hands while Jeremiah was yelling, "Come over here guys! We have candy!" These kids crack me up!