A quietly merry Christmas

It has been a quiet Christmas. We went to Philadelphia for a week and reveled in the quiet joy of being surrounded by family. I was pretty sick, but kept hoping that I would suddenly wake up better. Back at home, loaded with antibiotics, and starting to feel more like my normal self and I am realizing just how sick I was. But it was lovely to be with my parents, rest on the couch, watch my kids play with their grandparents and uncles and aunts. It was lovely to just let Christmas happen without feeling the need, or desire, to frantically plan events, details, perfection. We didn't even take many pictures, which I will probably regret later.

My heart has been tender lately. I feel emotional and vulnerable. I am trying to let myself just be and not try to fix. I am searching God's Word and world for His love for me. I am seeking and asking. His love has been taking me by surprise, brilliant, brief moments of deep awareness that flit across my consciousness and are quickly gone. I want to grip tight to those moments but I rest knowing that they will come again.

Today we began bringing order back to the chaos that is our house. Clutter and disorder stresses me out so I slowly began taking down the decorations, vacuuming the play/school room, trying to get the boys to organize their new toys. Aaron goes back to work on Wednesday and I want us to be ready to jump back into our normal routine.

This is the first year that Jeremiah has been aware of "New Year." He heard there is supposed to be a party at church and is excited. I have no desire to stay up until midnight and was hoping for a quiet night at home with hot chocolate and a good book. I guess we are going to have to come up with some kind of compromise.

Now, it is time for a nap.