now he is 8

 

 

On Saturday we had a little party for Jeremiah who turned 8 on Monday of this week. The one thing he wanted to do this year was play laser tag with some friends. So we kept it nice and simple with cake and icecream at our house (and presents of course!) and then we all loaded up and went to play laser tag. Nathaniel was picked up and taken to another friend's birthday sleep-over so we took Jeremiah out for dinner. Then we spent the evening back at home building new Lego sets and watching documentaries about space. It was a perfect way to celebrate our growing boy.

I am loved

 

It has been a rough week for me. But how can I not feel loved when at the end of a long day I come home to pretty flowers and written words of affirmation and encouragement from this man who knows me well and loves me steady? How can I not feel loved when the morning light streams in and the two tousled boys at the breakfast table are full of chatter and fun? How can I not feel loved when I do a concordance search of "love" in the Bible and start writing down the hundreds of verses?

Tree Climbing

 Jeremiah loves to climb trees. But we don't have any good climbing trees in our yard. That is until Aaron put a ladder in our beloved magnolia tree so that Jeremiah could get up to where the climbing is good.

 

 

 

 Cay you spot him up there?

Stretching our legs

It has been a long, dreary, wet, dark January. We have all been cooped up in the house for too long which doesn't always bring out the best in us. This morning when the sun beamed bright and burned away the fog it seemed the best thing to do was to ditch our school books and "to-do" lists and head outside. We went to one of our favorite spots and spent a hour traipsing through the woods, soaking up the sun, listening to the rush of water, slogging through mud, and watching minnows dart in the creek. I lay on a bench in the sun while the boys roamed. I could hear their voices ringing as they went on their own adventures and made their own discoveries. Boys need space to run and wander. They need to blaze their own trails and make their own way. Yet one of my boys always returns to me and takes my hand to help him down the rough parts.

We needed this gift of a day. We needed to stretch our legs, fill our lungs with fresh air and soak up some Vitamin D. We needed to laugh and see beauty in the world around us. And we got home pleasantly tired and ready for naps.

the lost month...

Last week Wednesday I began to slowly feel better and more like myself. Since then my appetite has been returning and with it my energy. It was very strange and frustrating to feel so unlike myself for so long. It feels good to be catching up with friends, getting the house back in order, serving healthy food, and getting back to doing our school work. It feels like we kind of lost the month of January and here we are starting February already. We ate a lot of processed food, watched a lot of television, got behind in some of our school work, stayed at home, and let the bathrooms get disgustingly dirty. Yet we survived and in some ways even thrived. Jeremiah was so helpful, from helping make meals to entertaining Nathaniel. The boys played for hours together. Aaron was so loving, kind, and generous in his care of me.

So we are jumping right in to February which promises to be a busy month for us but full of good things.

a new niece!

I have lived away from my family for more years than I have lived with my family. It is just a fact of my life. Some of the people I love the most are not a daily part of my life. Most of the time I am okay with it. It is not ideal but we were all raised to be independent people and so we pursue our lives and passions without guilt. We have learned how to communicate and maintain relationship over time zones and telephone wires. But last week Saturday when my sister-in-law called to tell me that she was in labor (finally!) I wanted to curse the miles between us. It suddenly wasn't enough to be receiving the updates via text message. I wanted to be there, in the waiting room with the rest of my family, ready to celebrate this new little life. As the pictures come up on Facebook I want to be there, welcoming them home as a new little family, watching them revel in the awe of being new parents, making meals, and of course snuggling the baby. Sometimes, distance just sucks and there is nothing to do about it. Thankfully we all live on the same side of the ocean now so hopefully it won't be too long before we can visit and enjoy all the new baby sweetness but for right now pictures and text messages and Skype and Facebook updates will have to do. 

Welcome to the world little Lieke! We love you and can't wait to meet you!

Sickness...

We are officially 2 weeks behind on our core curriculum for school. The boys have both been sick. I have been sick (again). I had a wisdom tooth removed. Aaron has been home taking care of us for 6 days straight and today he went back to work. The mornings are the worst for me. All the congestion makes me nauseous and the fact that I haven't eaten much makes me weak.

This morning I was tempted to despair. It was very slow going getting breakfast out, refereeing the boys arguments, getting school started, looking around the house and seeing everything that needs to be done but having no energy to do it. I just want to feel well again so I can have energy to do everything that I need to do.

This morning I read from Because He Loves Me by Elyse Fitzpatrick:
In my own life I frequently have to pray this way [reminding self of the basics of the gospel] numbers of times before I can silence the dreadful harping of my proud heart. I have to remind myself over and over that his righteousness is now mine and that the way my heart harasses me is more a function of my pride and self-sufficiency that a sincere desire for godliness. If godliness before him is what I was really after, then one look at the cross and empty tomb would suffice. But I can see that I'm frequently more concerned about whether I approve of myself than the fact that he approves of me. I sinfully long to be able to look at my life and feel good about my personal accomplishments -See what a good mother I am!- and it's that desire that spawns crushing guilt. The only was to silence my heart and find solace is to continually remind myself of my new identity in Christ and to be satisfied with that alone. If  I try to be satisfied in my own accomplishments or identity, I'll never know the comfort he promised. "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laded," he calls, "and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matt. 11:28-30)

When I come to him in meekness and dependence, I'll learn the difference between proud self-condemnation (which is all about me) and humble conviction of sin (which is about him, his grace, and his law). His yoke is easy; his burden light. I can come to him and find rest for my soul, but I must come in humility and brokenness (1 Pet. 5:5).

So today I am coming to Him in humility and brokenness. I am trusting that my worth has nothing to do with how much school or house work gets done. If I need to rest I will rest. I will not beat myself up over all the things I think I should be doing (making meals for friends who just had babies) but simply do the next thing in front of me. I will trust that He has already perfected me and given me just what I need for today.

Good stuff

I finally feel the calm of "normal" life returning! The Christmas decorations are put away and the house has generally been tidied. The kitchen is restocked with healthy food and a meal plan hangs on the fridge. Regular bedtime and morning routines are once again in place. We have started school again.

My alarm goes off at 6:00am but I am slow to wake. At about 6:30 I get my cup of coffee from the pot that Aaron has set and fresh for me every morning. I take it back to bed and in the cozy light read my Bible, scribble in my journal a bit, and pray. Most mornings I hear the boys starting to stir at about 7:30 and I am ready to greet them with enthusiasm and joy. This morning Jeremiah wakes before Nathaniel and joins me. He snuggles under the covers and we chat. He tells me about a scary dream he had a few days ago but didn't want to talk about. As I look at his face I marvel at the blue of his eyes. I catch another glimpse of the young man he is becoming. At a pause in the conversation he gets up. Before I can ask what he is doing he is back with his Bible. He turns to the back where he has found a kids Bible reading plan. He enthusiastically begins reading in Matthew and in no time at all has checked off 3 days worth of reading.

Nathaniel is obviously slow to wake this morning. At about 8:30 he joins us, dressed in his favorite sweat pants. It is his 3rd day in a row in the camo pants, but I let it pass. He crawls up and snuggles because morning snuggles are one of his favorite things.

The morning unfolded and it was good. We enjoyed breakfast. We prayed and I loved hearing the boys voices praying for others. We cleaned up the school room and got rid of a lot of clutter without any arguments or frustration. We did school work and spent an hour snuggled on the couch with our read-aloud.

And I realized that these are the moments to cherish. I spend so much time wishing I was a better mother, beating myself up over all the ways I fail or all the things I leave undone, that I miss these moments. I miss the good stuff that is going on here. 

Christmas Pictures

 Uncle Ben is always fun to hang out with.

 Sunday afternoon football watching.

 Ready for Christmas Eve service.

 Watching the snow start to come down!

 Silliness. 

 Oma & Opa's house on Christmas Eve. Just enough snow to make it magical. 

 First clue to the treasure hunt for their presents.

 Teaching Opa to play Temple Run.

 Jeremiah gets the glowing Buddha that he was eying during the White Elephant gift exchange.

 Stockings at Grandmom and Grandad's house

I didn't take very many pictures at all this year. So here are some of the ones I did. Good memories.

A quietly merry Christmas

It has been a quiet Christmas. We went to Philadelphia for a week and reveled in the quiet joy of being surrounded by family. I was pretty sick, but kept hoping that I would suddenly wake up better. Back at home, loaded with antibiotics, and starting to feel more like my normal self and I am realizing just how sick I was. But it was lovely to be with my parents, rest on the couch, watch my kids play with their grandparents and uncles and aunts. It was lovely to just let Christmas happen without feeling the need, or desire, to frantically plan events, details, perfection. We didn't even take many pictures, which I will probably regret later.

My heart has been tender lately. I feel emotional and vulnerable. I am trying to let myself just be and not try to fix. I am searching God's Word and world for His love for me. I am seeking and asking. His love has been taking me by surprise, brilliant, brief moments of deep awareness that flit across my consciousness and are quickly gone. I want to grip tight to those moments but I rest knowing that they will come again.

Today we began bringing order back to the chaos that is our house. Clutter and disorder stresses me out so I slowly began taking down the decorations, vacuuming the play/school room, trying to get the boys to organize their new toys. Aaron goes back to work on Wednesday and I want us to be ready to jump back into our normal routine.

This is the first year that Jeremiah has been aware of "New Year." He heard there is supposed to be a party at church and is excited. I have no desire to stay up until midnight and was hoping for a quiet night at home with hot chocolate and a good book. I guess we are going to have to come up with some kind of compromise.

Now, it is time for a nap.

Small Group and Community

 The kids waiting on the Christmas parade. It is small town and corny but the kids love it. It is mostly a hit because they get free candy. And this year a guy was dressed as a Storm Trooper so that was an added bonus for our boys.

Decorating and eating Christmas trees at our small group Christmas gathering. 

Every Sunday night a group of people meet at our house. A gaggle of kids ranging in age from newborn to elementary school aged make noise and play games and wander through our time of discussion and prayer. This group of people, unlikely friends to outside eyes, they know us. We discuss Sunday's sermon and how to apply it to our lives. We pray together. We cry together. We ask questions about God's Word together. We celebrate with each other and we mourn with each other. We try to help each other practically as best we can. These people are part of our community. Our family. The wise old gentleman and his wife who have lived long and seen much and pray deeply and still get teary eyed over the wonder of God's love. The family from a country far away whose culture is different and who show us what sacrifice and commitment and hard work and faith look like. The family of blended cultures whose language I don't always understand but who are quietly, patiently, hard workingly faithful and wonderfully encouraging. The farmer's family who work the earth and run summer camp and provide us with good food and let our kids run wild over their land. There are other families who come and go as their schedules allow.

We are not perfect. We have much to learn about being more intentional, about loving each other well. But every Sunday night we make the effort. We gather. As time has passed and we have shared, struggled, and celebrated together our bonds have formed. These people are part of my tribe, my family.

"The Day That Our Lord Came Down"

At the concert the other night we were introduced to another band, Pas Neos. We have really enjoyed their music. They have deep, spiritual, meaningful, biblical lyrics. The boys especially like me to crank up the CD and rock out. They were an amazing band to watch live. And again, we were in a small, intimate venue which makes a concert experience so much more intense I think.

Anyway, I love Christmas music but over the years I have been more selective about what Christmas music we purchase. I want music that reminds me of the miracle of Christ coming to earth. This song has been on repeat in my kitchen this week. It is a perfect Advent song.



The Day That Our Lord Came Down
(Num. 24:17, Mt. 2, Lk. 1&2)
 Rejoice O daughter and highly favored one! The Lord of hosts gives the holy hill to your Son! Blessed among women is the mother of Immanuel!

This day your eyes have seen salvation, Israel's splendor and consolation. the King became humanity's crown the day that our Lord came down.

Look to the heavens, a guiding sing in the eastern sky! her dawning leads you to the birth of Dayspring's light! a star out of Jacob, and a scepter from Israel. Glory to God in the highest - and eternal life among those of His delight! the praise of the host of heaven sounds, the day that our Lord came down. 

He has made a better way! The Savior come in infant frame, amidst scattered sheep, a Shepherd's found, the day that our Lord came down. He has made a better way! The Firstborn Lamb and Child of Praise, the glory of God shone in Bethlehem town, the day that our Lord came down. 

(From The Wheat And The Tares cd)

Concert - Future of Forestry

We went out last night. Actually paid a baby sitter and went to see Future of Forestry in concert. We were wavering about going but we finally made the decision to just do it. I am so glad we did. This was an amazing, soul nourishing, worshipful experience with talented musicians.

Enjoy this video of "O Holy Night", one of my favorite Christmas songs. Then find them on YouTube and watch more of their music. Really amazing stuff. And if you get a chance to see them live, make it happen, you won't regret it.

Randomness

It has been a quiet week around here. I came down with a bad cold. I have spent most of my time resting in bed while the boys amuse themselves. I am going to brag on them. They have played so well together and done such a great job of keeping themselves occupied while I rested. Jeremiah showed so much maturity and independence, even making lunch a couple of times. And of course Aaron has been amazing, working hard all day then coming home to cook dinner and deal with the evening routine.

This year I am learning to embrace imperfect. To just take one day at a time. We have decorated our tree and put up our Jesse Tree. But not much else "Christmas-y" has happened. I am okay with that. Our favorite Christmas tradition anyway is to sit in front of the tree and read Christmas books, and that happens a lot. Tonight we will go to the annual Christmas parade in our town. It is nothing spectacular to adults, but the boys love it and we will go as long as they want to. Our Jesse Tree tradition has been somewhat simplified, we are following 24 readings from The Jesus Storybook Bible. We are re-using our ornaments from our Ann Voskamp readings.  Our Christmas cards are done. We didn't have a good, recent family picture so I made a collage and called it a day.

We do have preparations to make for spending Christmas week in Philadelphia. But again, simple, imperfect, easy are all being embraced.

School this week has consisted of Jeremiah doing his math work sheets on his own. He has been spending a lot of time doing creative writing in the new book he bought, Write Your Own Story Book. Literally, he has been spending hours concocting stories. So I am calling that Language Arts for the week. One evening he crawled up into bed with me for some snuggles. He had his book and read me some of what he wrote. I asked him why he liked writing so much. He said, "Because you can use your imagination. It's like writing down what you see in your brain. Like writing your brain down on paper." He then concocted a plan in which he would write stories and give them to the people we know at the Library to read. If they like the stories then maybe he could get them published. His exact words, "I want to write some books and have them published so that they can be at the library and for sale at bookstores and yard sales."

So there you have it.