Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Trust


Our pastor has been preaching through the Sermon on the Mount during the season on Lent. They were all challenging, practical sermons that were bringing up real questions in my mind about what it looks like to follow Jesus every day in practical ways. I was beginning to feel real conviction about how comfortable and selfish our lives were becoming.

But we weren't sure what God was calling us to do. Open our home and foster children? Give more money to certain organizations? Find a local ministry that we could volunteer with as a family? Dig deeper to find needs within the church that we could help with? Theoretically I was willing to sell all of our belongings and move to Africa or something. We were processing all of these things.

Then, on Tuesday afternoon Aaron came home and told me that his contract at the school he teaches at will not be renewed in the fall.

Just like that, in that moment, I knew that this was what God was preparing my heart for.

Instead of calling me to the great and grandiose things that I had been thinking about God was calling me to trust Him and follow Him through a period of uncertainty for our family. God was taking away the certainty and comfort of Aaron's job and asking me, "Do you trust me?"

We have worked hard the past few years to get and remain debt free (except for our mortgage). We put Aaron through graduate school without going into debt. We were finally reaping the rewards of that work. We have a beautiful house, a growing savings account, and more financial freedom then we have had in a long time. I was starting to feel comfortable. Safe.

And God is saying, "Do you trust me? Will you follow me?"

Last night I started to cry. I said, "Why does it seem that every time we start getting financially stable and comfortable something happens to mess it up?!" Aaron replied, "Maybe we aren't supposed to be financially stable and comfortable. Maybe we are supposed to love and serve God and let Him take care of the rest."

So, we don't know what the future holds. The most obvious prayer is that Aaron would be able to find another teaching job before the summer is over. But that may not be God's plan. We know He is good and He loves us so we will take one day at a time and watch the plan unfold.


Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is today alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Matthew 6:25-34


Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Fire man




Last week we hung out with my friend Shanna and her son Eli. Eli's dad is a fire fighter which makes him a pretty cool dude in the opinion of my boys. Nathaniel was excited to see the fire truck. Jeremiah preferred to climb a small hill and sit under a tree. My camera battery ran out after 3 pictures. But we had a good day.

When he grows up Jeremiah wants to be a farmer and a painter.
Nathaniel now wants to be a fire man, "Like Mr. Dan!"

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Curriculum

Our ongoing adventure of schooling at home this past year has taught me some valuable things:

- Yes, it was just pre-K so I could relax a bit from the original routine I had in mind.

- After my initial despair when daily school time went out the window I saw that Jeremiah truly was learning through daily life (reading, helping in the kitchen, spending time outside, practicing writing things that he wanted to write, memorizing scripture, painting & coloring, looking at maps, playing some computer games).

- I need structure and accountability as we get up into the higher grades. I think it is ok for me to admit that I am not one of those homeschooling moms who will be able to pull pieces from everywhere and create my own curriculum. It is too overwhelming for me and I fear that I will leave out something important.

With that knowledge in mind I knew that we were going to have to research and choose an actual curriculum package. There are a lot of curriculum packages out there that we like, but let me be honest here, they are terribly expensive. So what were we to do?

A friend (who is a former middle school teacher) told me that residents of the State of Georgia were eligible to enroll in the Georgia Virtual Academy which uses the K12 curriculum for free.

Let me be clear here. This is not home schooling in the way that many home schoolers see it. Enrolling in the GVA is actually enrolling in a Georgia public school, it just happens that you as the parent do the schooling at home. Here are the pro's and con's as we see it:

Con's:
- It is a real school. There is required attendance (parent must check attendance on line) according to a set school schedule. (This will probably be fine for us since Aaron is a school teacher and I need the accountability.)
-
Less flexibility than most home schoolers like. The student has to complete lessons from the curriculum in order and submit them to the supervising teacher. (I was told though that students can work at an accelerated pace in their areas of giftedness and that if you as a parent maintain a close working relationship with the teacher you can avoid busy work.)
-
The curriculum is not faith-based. (This is not such a big deal to us, but in discussing it with other home schooling moms I have found it to be a deal breaker for some of them.)

Pro's
- Award winning complete curriculum. As I have done the research I have started to hear good things about the K12 curriculum in general. I like knowing that I will have everything at my fingertips with daily lesson plans as well as all the supplies needed.
- Support from a certified teacher. I like knowing that there is a teacher who will be evaluating Jeremiah's work and helping should any trouble spots arise.
- Cost. For us the curriculum is free.

We have started the enrollment process for kindergarten in the fall. If Jeremiah is accepted then we receive the curriculum in late July and get started sometime in August. I am excited to see how it will go and if this will be a good fit for our family.

Monday, March 22, 2010

1000 Gifts (13)


Last week started rough and ugly. Yet, God was gracious and by the end of the week we were all more joyful and life was more harmonious. So here are more of His good gifts:

- feeling joy again after a few days in "a funk"

- a whole day spent outside
- boys and sticks
- the simple joy of a picnic lunch at the park

- sweet, dirty toes
- Nathaniel's "Mama. Hey Mama. Look at me Mama. You listening to me Mama?" my face sandwiched in his little hands
- Nathaniel spending every waking minute of his day outside
- sitting next to my husband after a day full of work and watching the boys play in the golden evening light
- birds splashing in the bird bath
- a bright red cardinal bathing in the early morning light

- the way Jeremiah's hair turns into a bright blond halo in the spring sunshine
- quiet teaching moments with Jeremiah
- Jeremiah swinging blissfully in the evening light belting out, "EVERLASTING YOUR LIGHT WILL SHINE WHEN ALL ELSE FADES! AND THE CRY OF MY HEART IS TO BRING YOU PRAISE! FROM THE INSIDE OUT MY SOUL CRIES OUT!" unselfconsciously for the whole neighborhood to hear
- bright coral camilla blossoms
- the Cross

I see the cross and it's all I need to see

I see the cross and it calls me to believe

No other way to be reconciled,
to receive complete forgiveness
No other choice could have set us free,
could have paid the price of justice

So I come, as I am, to the place where mercy meets me
I see the cross

I see the cross, lifted high for all to see
I see the cross, it's the love the nations need

No other way to be reconciled,
to receive complete forgiveness
N other choice could have set us free,
could have paid the price of justice

So I come, as I am, to the place where mercy meets me
I see the cross

You suffered and died, poured out Your life
You showed us the way to truly be great
Yet this just begins the Father's full plan,
now there is a way
To share Your resurrection, to live forever
Through Your death and life

To share Your resurrection, to live forever
Through Your death and life
- Brian Doerksen

holy experience


I am becoming a joy finder and counting His gifts. I am up to 295 in my personal journal. I choose to share some here.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

We have been...

...burning fires and eating marshmallows



...making art

...baking brownies

...having puppet shows

...building cities with blocks (and knocking them over with dinosaurs)

...and sleeping well.

Just some random snapshots of daily life from the past weeks.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Completely random

Here is a list of completely random thoughts and events. Mostly because I am in a random mood.

1. Did you know that the Disney version of Peter Pan is not the only one!? I didn't until we went today to see a musical production of the Peter Pan play. It was so much fun! Jeremiah was entranced and Nathaniel actually watched the whole 2 hour production! The songs were catchy and fun so I ordered the soundtrack because it beats the pants off the Disney version. Check out samples here. When we got home Nathaniel designated himself as Captain Hook and Aaron as Tinkerbell. Still can't figure that out.

2. Our central heat stopped working completely yesterday. Thank goodness for our wall mounted gas heater and for temps that are in the 50's instead of the 30's.

3. The sermon Travis preached on Sunday was on the section of the sermon on the mount that talks about laying up treasure in heaven and trusting God to provide. Good thing that was fresh in my mind when the heat stopped working.

4. Day light savings time screws with my brain. It makes me think the boys have slept in when the clock says 8:00 a.m. and then I wonder why when the clock says 8:00 p.m. they are still not ready for bed. Both of those are really 7:00 to them.

5. Heard Jeremiah say to Aaron last Sunday morning, "I have my sword [brandishes foam sword], my fighting hat [places red cowboy hat on head], and my vacuum [flings small red toy vacuum in front of himself]! I am ready to fight you Smog!"

6. Nathaniel has started randomly telling me when he needs to go potty. I think he will take his own time and do it in his own way (as he does with everything else) but I am crossing my fingers and hoping we will be done with diapers by the end of this summer!

7. All of the parks in our town that have trails or tracks forbid bicycle riding. So where am I supposed to let Jeremiah practice riding his new bike? I am thinking of attending a city council meeting to bring up this issue.

8. The daffodils are blooming.

9. I should be making a menu/shopping list or folding laundry.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Drafts

My brain is turning into mush.
Twice now I have finished a draft I was working on and hit "publish" without checking to change the date of publishing. So, in case you missed them:

Letter to Jeremiah on his 5th Birthday
and
Journal Entry

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

5th Bday Party

Jeremiah was so excited about his party this year. He made his own invitations with paper, stamps, stickers, and markers and proudly handed them out at church. We had a fun afternoon celebrating our boy!
(The party was Saturday, February 27th.)

There is always much excitement when it comes to the cake.
This year Jeremiah chose a hedgehog. I think he turned out pretty cute.







I love seeing our living room full of people.


Reading a new book from oma.


Jeremiah closes his eyes for his big surprise from grandmom and grandad.


A new bike!


Off he goes...

Monday, March 08, 2010

Journal Entry

Here is my journal entry from the day my mom went back to Holland.

March 6, 2010

I watched Jeremiah's face crumple into tears as the reality of his oma walking away from him hit him. The inevitable separation caused by the barrier of the security gate. I watched him feel the impact of immediate loss, his body trembling with it. There was nothing to do but drop my bag, gather him into my arms, and rock him as we sat on the airport floor. People continued to mill around us oblivious to this moment. This moment when pieces of my childhood and my adulthood merged and I who was so often the grieving child must now be the comforting parent.

I knew the pain he felt because I have felt it too. More times than I can count I have felt the tears sting my eyes and the cold ache of sadness creep into my gut as I waved goodbye to someone I loved. I have been on both sides of the security gate and know that neither side is without pain. Goodbyes and separations have always been part of my life from the time we moved to Nigeria when I was 9 months old until now. I guess it comes with the territory of growing up in a missionary family. The goodbyes don't get easier. The constant feeling of missing someone never really goes away.

I knew that words would not be enough to lift the sadness my boy was feeling. There was nothing I could say to minimize his grief in that moment. Words would only sound trite to him, empty. So, I held Jeremiah. There on the dirty airport floor with impatient people walking around us I simply sat and loved and prayed and shed a few tears of my own.

1000 Gifts (12)

Today I am downloading pictures and smiling at good memories made.
My heart is full of thankfulness for:

My first born who turned 5 and is still surprised by his birthday cake:

This man who loves me patiently, tenderly, faithfully, quietly and the way we are growing together:

His love of the Word (he got a "real" Bible for his birthday and now insists on reading our morning Psalm for us):

A beautiful week spent with my mom (oma) in which we enjoyed each others company and the blessings were too many to count.




holy experience

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Handmade Valentines



The week before Valentine's Day I put out stamps, stickers, paper and crayons and let Jeremiah go to town. He worked hard for 3 hours and made special Valentine cards for all his aunts & uncles and grandparents. He did such a great job and showed so much creativity!

My Valentine cards from my boys. Jeremiah's says:
To:mama
From: Jeremiah and papa/we/love/you/just/the/way/you/are/but/we/like/you/much/better/than/you/are/i/love/you/
Jeremiah

Today Jeremiah made me a Valentine that he said was for next year. It says:
Dear mom
I:love:you:more:tehn:a:baer:loves:honey:to:
Love:Jeremiah

Isn't crazy how pieces of construction paper and penned letters can convey so much love?