1000 Gifts (17)

My gift journal continues to fill. Some days I scribble and scribble my hand not able to keep up with the gifts that I try to record. Some days I sit and reflect and have to dig deep because distraction or grumpiness or selfishness have blurred my vision and the gifts seem few and far between. Yet, I am starting to see a change in my consciousness. Even on hard days when I feel trial and temptation I feel the need to praise. I am learning that because God is good His gifts are in fact surrounding me even when I am prone to despair. And I am learning, to quote a friend, that "God's definition of good and my definition of good have not always been the same."

- communion with Him, early in the morning
- watching the boys be welcoming and sharing
- grocery shopping and dinner at Panera, alone (!)
- gentle spring rain
- vulnerability
- thunderstorms
- knowing I am not alone
- deeper honesty
- knowing we are being prayed for (and feeling that)
- walking home from church, Jeremiah's hand in mine, talking about what he learned in Sunday school & singing worship songs
- Nathaniel's head on my shoulder as I worship
- confession of sin
- hamburgers on the grill
- yard sale finds (God's provision)
- beautiful flowers cut from bushes in the yard, arranged in mason jars

I keep a gratitude journal with my gifts now numbering 364. I share some of them here. You can read more, or join the community yourself by clicking on the button below.

Feeling truth

It has been a rough week for me. One thing after another seems to be piling up on me. I am thankful that I have largely responded to various people and situations with grace but I have felt and underlying current of anxiety. Yesterday I was snappy and short tempered. I just wanted to be left alone. I had to ask Jeremiah's forgiveness numerous times for losing my temper with him.

I have been remembering discussions we have been having in Sunday school as we discuss the book Waking the Dead by John Eldridge. This world is not as it seems. There is a spiritual battle waging around us. We are an important part of that battle. When we are following God from our heart and seeking to bring the Kingdom the enemy will attack us. I have felt the stings of the enemy's arrows this week as he seeks to steal, kill and destroy.

This morning all I really wanted to do was stay in bed. As the sun rose and the responsibilities of the day loomed ahead I asked God to encourage me. I asked for grace and strength. I pleaded for a filling of the Spirit that I could physically feel and know. The Bible promises that we will be strengthened when we are weak and filled when we are empty. I needed those promises to be really true, not just theoretically true.

As I was making breakfast the song Days of Elijah came on the radio. Jeremiah came running into the kitchen saying, "Turn it up mama! I love this song!" Nathaniel immediately asked to be picked up so we could dance. So there we were, dancing around the kitchen and singing at the top of our lungs. Then, as we repeated, "There is no God like Jehovah!" getting louder and louder with each repetition Nathaniel looked straight at me and said, "MAMA! ALEXANDER IS OUT OF PRISON!"

(Note: Alexander is the director of the puppet ministry in India that our dear friend Ms. Linda planted this year. He was beaten and imprisoned for doing puppet shows and sharing the gospel with children. He has a wife and 3 year old daughter. We have been praying daily for him and found out yesterday that he was released on bail.)

It was in that moment that I felt grace, peace, and strength literally flood my heart. Really. In a way that I cannot explain and that would make non-believers scoff. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, as I stood in my kitchen worshiping and witnessing the faith and joy of my children, that God is real and His promises are true. His kingdom is advancing and He will return on the clouds to make everything new. Hallelujah!

There is no God like Jehovah!

Once a month cooking

Another post on mundane domestic topics. Which will undoubtedly bore most of you to death but is such an exciting epiphany for me that I just have to share.

See that picture? That is my freezer full of food! Not just random food but prepared meals for the month of April. As in, I didn't have to make a single meal plan or unwillingly spend an hour in the kitchen every night preparing a meal from scratch.

My friend and I spent 8 hours one day in the beginning of April following the instructions and cooking all of the meals that we got from the site Once a Month Mom. It was so easy. And we actually enjoyed the day together (since our kids were being cared for by their fathers) cooking and chatting. We certainly were tired by the end of the day, but the satisfaction and the payoff made a little fatigue well worth it.

I can't tell you how much this has changed my life. And I don't think I am exaggerating here. I disliked all the time and energy that went into meal planning, grocery shopping, and daily cooking. Those were just not chores that I enjoyed. So for the last 2 weeks I have felt such a freedom! With a selection of quick breakfast foods weekend mornings have been less stressful. Lunch time remains mostly the same since my boys love peanut butter and jelly. So we have been using the lunch items for dinner or snacks. Which brings me to dinner.

This is how I now prepare dinner.

On Monday I consult the check list of foods that are in the freezer to see what we have. I chose the meals we are going to have that week and take them out of the freezer to thaw in the fridge. Each day I look briefly at the completely prepared meals in the fridge and either dump one in the crock-pot to cook all day or grab the dish and stick it in the oven about 30 minutes before we want to eat. I add some fresh veggies and sometimes some rice or bread and voila! dinner is done!

I estimate that in the last 2 weeks I have already saved between 14-20 hours of time!

Not to mention the fact that I feel a huge burden off of my mind. And I don't have to do my usual large, long weekly grocery shop with 2 kids in tow. And the hour before dinner is no longer the crazy, hectic, insane hour that it used to be. And I have been able to easily invite people over for dinner because I know that I have enough food, and it's already prepared, and I can actually enjoy my guests. And I have been able to enjoy this beautiful spring weather out in the yard with my husband and kids instead of watching them play from the kitchen.

My friend and I are both so excited about this that we have another cooking day planned for early in May.

1000 Gifts (16)

- the azalea bushes surrounding the house, all in bright overwhelming riotous color
- the peace that comes with sitting on the grass, back against a strong tree, and breathing deep
- Jeremiah kindly and gently taking Jude by the hand
- honesty
- a night out with other couples, dinner shared, coffee savored, conversation flowing, laughter easy
- walking to church in brisk air and clear sunshine
- encouragement from a mature sister in Christ, "God gave you your sons. He will also give you what you need to raise them."
- Jeremiah's made up song
God is love
God is love
God is love
Because He died on the cross
(tune of "God is so good")
- tears in worship as we sing
As we all bow down, as we all come casting off our crowns
Father hear our cry, we want to see you glorified

As we join as one, as we live to let your kingdom come
Father in our lives, we want to see you glorified

Glorify your name! Glorify your name! Glorify your name! We want to see you glorified!

Seeing

I am learning to see beauty in the little things around me. On days when I feel my voice getting clipped and impatient and my shoulders tensing up I take out my camera and try to get a new perspective. I wander about the yard looking at light and color. I try, mostly in vain, to capture the way the spring sunlight is filtering through the trees. I try to capture the brilliance of the evening sun setting a bright pink azalea bush aflame.

It's not so much about the photography (which I think is ok but doesn't have that wow factor that I see on other blogs). It's about breathing and seeing. It's about noticing the detail in the creation that I usually just give a cursory glance to. I see God's love and care and creativity in every single flower. I watch the birds splash in the bird bath and feel simple joy. I lay in the grass and feel the last warming rays of the spring sun touch my face.

In taking those moments to notice I realize that I too am noticed.

A good morning

Yesterday I got a little bit overwhelmed. And I mostly left the boys to their own devices when it came to entertaining themselves. Filling out stacks of application forms and putting together resume packets tends to have that effect. So today I decided that a morning of my undivided attention and some outdoor fun was in order. We went to the Chickamauga battlefield and...

...played in a dried out stream bed

...climbed Wilder tower






...ran through the fields

...had sword fights with sticks.

We also had a picnic lunch. Laid on blankets in the shade of a maple tree and made up stories while we watched the light filter through the new leaves. Sneezed a lot from all the pollen drifting through the air. Hunted wild flowers in the grass. Laughed.

It was a great way to spend the morning.

Tuesday morning randomness

Last week was Aaron's spring break. We had a wonderful, busy week full of work and fun. I feel refreshed and ready to tackle the busy-ness of the next few weeks and months. The boys were so excited to have so much time to spend with their papa. The weather was beautiful and they probably spent every waking minute outside. They have been sleeping well!

We were not able to do a lot regarding Aaron's job situation last week as all the surrounding school systems were also on spring break. However, we were able to have a morning date together and really talk about our thoughts and feelings. We continue to both feel a total lack of panic. This is truly only by God's grace. We really do feel that God is in total control of this situation and that He has a good plan for Aaron's career and for our family. I must also say that we have felt an incredible amount of support and love from everyone around us. Our small group is praying diligently and many of our friends and family have given such loving support and encouragement.

This week is the week where we really start sending out Aaron's resume and application to various school systems around us. I have spent a lot of time on the phone making initial inquiries. This morning I was tempted to despair because everyone was telling me that they don't know if they will have any job openings or not. But I was able to take a moment to pray and feel God's love and presence around me.

We bought Jeremiah some Shel Silverstein books and he is enthralled! He loves the silly rhymes and crazy words. During rest time he sits outside in the grass reading and reading. He has also started to make up stories of his own. I really must write them down as they are quite interesting and involved and full of detail.

Spring truly has sprung here! Our yard is beautiful and we have been taking full advantage of it. Most lunches and dinners we eat out on the deck. We had small group out on the deck this past Sunday and we also had our first of hopefully many cookouts with friends this past weekend. One of our "mystery" trees turned out to be a lilac! The numerous azalea bushes are now in full bloom and the dogwood trees surrounding us are just gorgeous. We feel so blessed to be living in this house with this beautiful yard that we enjoy so much.

So, that is my randomness for today. The pictures above are of the tiny wild flowers that grow in our grass. It always makes me sad when Aaron mows and they are gone, but then a few days later I see them again. They are such beautiful little "weeds" that remind me to see grace and joy in even the most seemingly mundane moments.

1000 Gifts (15) Easter

- Christ is risen! He is risen indeed!
- trees beginning to blossom
- a red tulip among the yellow daffodils
- a day spent with my family in Christ
- the boys playing freely and enthusiastically with room to roam
- joyful, silly traditions (cascarones, the smashing of the eggs)
- sitting in the shade of a flowering tree and chatting with my lady friends
- watching my husband quietly serve, always with joy
- seeing my boys making memories alongside the children of my friends from college
- laughter
- feeling part of community, developing roots
- the truth of this song on Easter morning:
Oh to see my name written on His wounds
For through your suffering I am free
Death is crushed to death, life is mine to live
Won through your selfless love

This the power of the cross
Son of God, slain for us
What a life, what a cost
We stand forgiven at the cross

I am counting my gifts along with the gratitude community. They number 322 in my journal, some of which I choose to share here.

Outside with Jeremiah

I realized the other day that I have taken tons of pictures of Nathaniel lately. I couldn't figure out why the pictures of Jeremiah just weren't turning out right. Then I realized it was because he usually knows when I am taking pictures of him so he puts on his little fake smile, or tries too hard, or moves too much.

The other day while Nathaniel was napping I observed Jeremiah entertaining himself in our backyard. I was laying in the sun on a blanket and thankfully had my camera with me. I think these pictures do a pretty good job of capturing the essence of my boy enjoying a warm spring afternoon.

Trust

Our pastor has been preaching through the Sermon on the Mount during the season on Lent. They were all challenging, practical sermons that were bringing up real questions in my mind about what it looks like to follow Jesus every day in practical ways. I was beginning to feel real conviction about how comfortable and selfish our lives were becoming.

But we weren't sure what God was calling us to do. Open our home and foster children? Give more money to certain organizations? Find a local ministry that we could volunteer with as a family? Dig deeper to find needs within the church that we could help with? Theoretically I was willing to sell all of our belongings and move to Africa or something. We were processing all of these things.

Then, on Tuesday afternoon Aaron came home and told me that his contract at the school he teaches at will not be renewed in the fall.

Just like that, in that moment, I knew that this was what God was preparing my heart for.

Instead of calling me to the great and grandiose things that I had been thinking about God was calling me to trust Him and follow Him through a period of uncertainty for our family. God was taking away the certainty and comfort of Aaron's job and asking me, "Do you trust me?"

We have worked hard the past few years to get and remain debt free (except for our mortgage). We put Aaron through graduate school without going into debt. We were finally reaping the rewards of that work. We have a beautiful house, a growing savings account, and more financial freedom then we have had in a long time. I was starting to feel comfortable. Safe.

And God is saying, "Do you trust me? Will you follow me?"

Last night I started to cry. I said, "Why does it seem that every time we start getting financially stable and comfortable something happens to mess it up?!" Aaron replied, "Maybe we aren't supposed to be financially stable and comfortable. Maybe we are supposed to love and serve God and let Him take care of the rest."

So, we don't know what the future holds. The most obvious prayer is that Aaron would be able to find another teaching job before the summer is over. But that may not be God's plan. We know He is good and He loves us so we will take one day at a time and watch the plan unfold.


Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is today alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Matthew 6:25-34

Fire man

Last week we hung out with my friend Shanna and her son Eli. Eli's dad is a fire fighter which makes him a pretty cool dude in the opinion of my boys. Nathaniel was excited to see the fire truck. Jeremiah preferred to climb a small hill and sit under a tree. My camera battery ran out after 3 pictures. But we had a good day.

When he grows up Jeremiah wants to be a farmer and a painter.
Nathaniel now wants to be a fire man, "Like Mr. Dan!"

1000 Gifts (14)