Sometimes, in the midst of the crazy and busy and frustrating and just plain exhausting, hope shines through bright and brilliant and breathtaking.
The past few weeks I have been feeling great discouragement in the mothering of my children. Challenging behavior has left me breathless in it's intensity and lost in my inadequacy. I have struggled in prayer and consistency. I say over and over again, "Your behavior is a reflection of your heart, son." And the behavior leaves me hurt and sad because of the depth of selfishness and sin that it reveals. Which of course leads to self-condemnation because it is my job, after all, to be the picture of the gospel that my children can see. And if they aren't showing the fruit of the Spirit it must be because the fruit of the Spirit is not in me as well.
This morning I was singing the words,
He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am tree, bending beneath the wind of His love and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware, of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affection is for me.
Praying and pleading to feel this truth as I changed wet underwear (for the 3rd time this morning), strapped on little shoes and zipped up puffy winter jackets.
Jeremiah stops me in mid stride.
"Mama, what does that mean? He is jealous for me."
I pause. There are things to do and places to be. I pull a knit cap over Nathaniel's ears.
"Well, what does the word jealous mean?" I ask back. I have learned that this son prefers to discover on his own.
"It's when you want something some one else has." The answer is quick. He knows this one, we have talked about it before.
"That's right. But, do you think that God wants our stuff?" I ask another question.
"No." The tone reflects that absurdity of the thought.
"So what do you think it means. That God is jealous for me?" I let the question linger. Snap down Nathaniel's coat.
I glance up at Jeremiah's face. He is grinning. His eyes lit up with wonder.
"It means that God wants ME! All of me!"
In that moment the beauty of truth in my child's heart blinds me. Because I see that this son, who prides himself on always having the right answer, is overjoyed by the truth of the knowledge and not simply by the correctness of the answer.
I pull him close. "Yes son, I whisper. He loves you so much that He wants all of you."
The self-condemnation of the past few weeks slips away because I feel this truth, He loves my son. I can trust the inner-workings of the heart of my son to the One who loves him jealously.
The past few weeks I have been feeling great discouragement in the mothering of my children. Challenging behavior has left me breathless in it's intensity and lost in my inadequacy. I have struggled in prayer and consistency. I say over and over again, "Your behavior is a reflection of your heart, son." And the behavior leaves me hurt and sad because of the depth of selfishness and sin that it reveals. Which of course leads to self-condemnation because it is my job, after all, to be the picture of the gospel that my children can see. And if they aren't showing the fruit of the Spirit it must be because the fruit of the Spirit is not in me as well.
This morning I was singing the words,
He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am tree, bending beneath the wind of His love and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware, of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affection is for me.
Praying and pleading to feel this truth as I changed wet underwear (for the 3rd time this morning), strapped on little shoes and zipped up puffy winter jackets.
Jeremiah stops me in mid stride.
"Mama, what does that mean? He is jealous for me."
I pause. There are things to do and places to be. I pull a knit cap over Nathaniel's ears.
"Well, what does the word jealous mean?" I ask back. I have learned that this son prefers to discover on his own.
"It's when you want something some one else has." The answer is quick. He knows this one, we have talked about it before.
"That's right. But, do you think that God wants our stuff?" I ask another question.
"No." The tone reflects that absurdity of the thought.
"So what do you think it means. That God is jealous for me?" I let the question linger. Snap down Nathaniel's coat.
I glance up at Jeremiah's face. He is grinning. His eyes lit up with wonder.
"It means that God wants ME! All of me!"
In that moment the beauty of truth in my child's heart blinds me. Because I see that this son, who prides himself on always having the right answer, is overjoyed by the truth of the knowledge and not simply by the correctness of the answer.
I pull him close. "Yes son, I whisper. He loves you so much that He wants all of you."
The self-condemnation of the past few weeks slips away because I feel this truth, He loves my son. I can trust the inner-workings of the heart of my son to the One who loves him jealously.
1 comment:
dont you just melt in the moments that they get it....truly get it! what a sweet blessing for you mama!
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