disciplining the heart

Write a note to Jesus:
"I: did
Jesus: what: kind of: a: atutud [attitude]: is thes [this] I: have: a bad: atutud [attitude]
[picture of frowning face]
Pless [please]: [forgive] the: evil I: have: ben [been]!
[turn over page]
Please
Jeremiah
Amen"

We have been struggling with how to discipline Jeremiah. As parents we have always wanted to focus on the heart issues of our children, not just the outward behavior. We believe that the outward behavior flows from the heart and we want our children to see that connection. Obviously we want our children to be kind, loving, and obedient but we cannot require that behavior without helping our children to see that the kindness, love, and obedience must also be in their hearts.

However, dealing with heart issues is hard. It is actually much easier to do time out, spank, or take away a privilege and require unquestioning obedience than to try and figure out how to deal with the sin in your child's heart. And as we have entered into a stage when the anger, desire for control, selfishness, and unkindness are more visible in behavior I have been at a complete loss. The "behavior modification" techniques that work on unsuspecting and unquestioning toddlers just doesn't cut it with the more mature 4 year old.

In some of my reading I came across the idea of a "prayer chair." The prayer chair works like a time-out except that it is focused on the child spending time with God in order to have the Spirit work in the child's heart. You set aside a certain spot (chair) with a Bible, one or two "spiritual" books, a song book, paper, writing instruments (all age appropriate). Then, when a child is really struggling with a certain emotion based behavior they sit in the designated spot and spend the time with God in whatever way they choose.

We did this in it's entirety for the first time this past Sunday. It had been a long and busy week(end) for Jeremiah. Five days of extra activities and excitement had worked it's magic and by the time we got home from church Jeremiah was a crying, screaming, defiant mess. It was clear that our "traditional" methods of discipline were not going to deal with the heart of the issue. So, Aaron sat Jeremiah down at his little table with a child's Bible, his Sunday school papers, a pencil, and a blank sheet of paper (Aaron printed "Write a note to Jesus:") on the top. Aaron spent a few moments with Jeremiah talking about the attitude in his heart and asked Jeremiah to spend some time talking to God.

The above note is what came out. With no help or prompting from us Jeremiah wrote that whole thing.

He came out of his room calm and peaceful, ready to continue our day with a more loving and obedient attitude. We all prayed together and Jeremiah asked our forgiveness for the way he spoke to us. We of course freely offered that forgiveness.

Now, I know that this (like any method of discipline) is not the magic bullet for everything. But I am so thankful that we seem to have found an effective way for Jeremiah himself to work out the motives of his own heart in his own way.

That night after the house was quiet I was prompted to pray even more fervently for the working of the Spirit in the heart of my children. It is scary because I cannot control that aspect of my children's lives. I can show them the gospel. I can read them the Bible. I can pray with them. I can sing in worship with them. I can take them to church and Sunday school. I can memorize scripture with them. But I absolutely cannot control the working of the Holy Spirit in their hearts. That is between God and them.

Of course I have hope! The Bible is full of promises that I cling to for the salvation of my children!

1000 Gifts (4)

- The Japanese maple that flames with light every late afternoon, what I see from the kitchen feeding my soul as I labor to feed the family.
- 33 years of experience, blessing and goodness.
- Pumpkin scones with cinnamon glaze.
- A nap in the sun on a Sunday afternoon.
- A brisk walk in the crisp air with the blue sky above and brilliantly colored leaves.
- Jeremiah's straight back as he enthusiastically rides his tricycle.
- Little blue eyes full of mischief and wonder.
- Good books discovered at the library.

Who I am now

It is a stunningly gorgeous fall day. There is one tree across that street from us that is stubbornly hanging on to the most brilliantly yellow leaves I have ever seen despite the fact that all the other trees flung down their leaves in the rain on Tuesday. The sunlight is filtering golden and warm through the various foliage in our back yard so that I see ever changing glimpses of breath taking beauty every time I pass a window. This home is truly a blessing and a gift. Who is this woman who has willingly tethered herself to a physical location and yet sometimes wakes at night longing for change?

On this the morning of my 33rd birthday my sons gifted me with extra sleep. I woke from a deep sleep at 7:30 a.m. (!) to see two little blond headed boys beside the bed ready for our daily ritual of morning snuggling. Nathaniel with his ever present "ba" (pacifier) in his mouth settled in on one side fingering my face with his tiny fingers as is his morning custom. Jeremiah with his ever present Bob under his arm settled in on the other side turning his chin into my shoulder and laying his cheek close to mine. We lay there quiet and still as the light began to filter through the curtains. I have learned to treasure these early moments of stillness with my otherwise rambunctious boys. Who is this woman who has embraced motherhood so completely and yet also chafes against the restrictions and sacrifice?

As I approached this birthday I have been thinking about who I am now. I have started to share with Jeremiah the places of my childhood as I have encouraged his fascination with maps. The confusion in his eyes when I point to Nigeria, West Africa and say, "This is where mama lived when she was a little girl" mirrors the confusion of belonging that I feel in my heart. My finger easily traces up the map to the Netherlands. There is no way the few inches on 2 dimensional paper can show the extreme differences in scenery, smell and experience. My finger then makes the journey back across the expanse of blue ocean to Georgia. This place where the roots of Jeremiah's childhood are growing deep. This place that will most likely be the heart-homeland of my children and while loved by me will never quite be my heart-homeland. Who is this woman who yearns for roots and rootlessness together?

I have spent the past year in great impatience. I have been straining at the bit trying valiantly to see the road ahead. Asking God questions of what and why and how. Wanting to serve more and worship more deeply. I have also been impatient with myself. Striving for better within my spirit, emotions, and physical body. Often brought to tears by my imperfections. Who is this woman who values honesty and the reality of human imperfections and yet longs for perfection?

Maybe part of aging is realizing that the answer to "Who am I?" will always be complex and evolving. And that in the complexity is beauty, depth of character, and room for God to continually be molding me.

Hear my prayer, O Lord; give ear to my pleas for mercy!
In your faithfulness answer me, in your righteousness!
Enter not into judgment with your servant, for no one living is righteous before you.

Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God!
Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground!
- Psalm 143:1,2 & 8,10

Learning to give

Jeremiah proudly shows the things he chose for the Operation Christmas Child box.

It was a lot of fun for me to watch him walk around the store saying, "Let's get THIS for the little boy! And this! And this!" I did have to convince him that the child shovel (like the one he has to help me in the yard) would not fit in the box. But he was convinced that a little boy would love it.

The box is all packed.

Nathaniel's drawing for the boy whom the box will go to.

(Nathaniel has this thing with making round shaped swirls instead of just crazy scribbling. It is interesting.)

Jeremiah works hard on his drawing.

The finished product: Our home and family.

Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required. - Luke 12:48
Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors him. - Proverbs 14:31
Do not neglect to do good and share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God. - Hebrews 13:16

As we learn about, and labor in prayer for, the persecuted church this month we are also preparing for Thanksgiving. It is a strange dichotomy. The increased awareness of the sufferings of others leads to a greater gratitude for what we have been given. I check books out of the library to read to the boys about the Pilgrims, the Native Americans, and the first Thanksgiving. Every night for their whole lives we have talked about what we are thankful for during our evening prayer time. Yet, during the month of November I try to help Jeremiah and Nathaniel purposefully focus on the many blessings that we have received.
So it has been completely natural for us to participate in Operation Christmas Child . As the Christmas decorations go up, and I have to battle the boys away from the ever expanding toy department when we go to Wal-Mart, it seemed only fitting that we take a few minutes to spend a very few of our dollars in order to bless an unknown child who does not have what we have. We took a few weeks to talk to the boys about what Operation Christmas Child is. We had discussions about children in the world who do not have enough food, medicine, clothes, toys or even a house to live in. Through conversation we prepared the boys to go into a store and think only about choosing things that would make someone else happy.
I was so proud of the boys today! They had truly generous little hearts, and I had to keep reminding them that everything had to fit into one small box as they kept piling things into the buggy. I never once heard the words, "mine," or "can I have this?"
I think often about how I can teach my boys to be generous and un-selfish. I know that I fail constantly in being a living example of generosity and self-sacrifice. Yet, today I saw the first seeds of excitement and enthusiasm as the boys learned a small lesson in giving.
We will pray over the box as it leaves our home. Of course we want the physical items to bring joy to a child, but more importantly we pray our box will be the tool for someone to share the eternal joy of Christ with a child. We truly have been given much, it is our prayer that God will strengthen us to be faithful in what is expected of us.

The faith of a child

Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body. - Hebrews 13:3

Last Sunday was the National Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church. During our service we prayed by name for specific people who are currently imprisoned for loving Jesus. I think it made an impression on Jeremiah because today he remembers the name of the man our group prayed for and that he is imprisoned in China. We brought home a prayer guide for this month so that we can pray every day for our brothers and sisters who are suffering for the name of Christ. We help Jeremiah find the country of the day on a map, we talk about the suffering specific to that country, and then we pray.

What a wonderful opportunity this has been for us to start talking to the boys about suffering for the gospel. We want them to be aware that even though being a Christian in America is easy, there are many people around the world who are persecuted for their faith. I want my boys to look beyond themselves and this comfort oriented, selfish culture that we live in to consider the persecution and sufferings of others. I want my boys to know that there may come a day when they are called to suffer for their faith (in fact the Bible says to expect suffering if you follow Christ, don't hear that preached about much in this time when the "prosperity gospel" is more popular - but I digress).

Tonight our prayer guide asked us to pray for the children of those who were imprisoned. As we discussed this I asked Jeremiah to think about what he would feel like if his papa was put into prison for loving Jesus. Jeremiah immediately responded with great confidence and gusto, "He wouldn't stay in jail! God would send a big earth quake and papa's chains would fall off and he would walk right out of there! Just like Paul & Silas." I got teary eyed at the conviction in my son's voice as well as the knowledge that the seed of God's Word is in his heart. The faith of a child truly is an amazing thing.

If you want to know more about the persecuted church around the world, how to pray and practical ways to help I highly recommend the websites of International Christian Concern and Voice of the Martyrs.

Weekend Fun

Look closely - they are both in there!

What a blessing it was to have a weekend with nothing planned. We were able to take full advantage of the beautiful weather and work outside all day on Saturday. We raked, we mulched, we blew leaves (gotta love having a leaf blower), we mowed (well, Aaron mowed), we painted the shed door red, and generally started to ready the yard for winter. The boys jumped in leaves, hunted fallen dogwood berries in the grass, found mushrooms growing prolifically in a section of the back yard, rode their tricycles, collected acorns, and pretended to paint everything they could reach with water and paint brushes (great idea grandma Viss!).
I looked at my calendar tonight and suddenly realized that every weekend this month is now booked up. We will be doing fun things, but it was nice to have a day for just the 4 of us to enjoy each other.

Embracing November

I love Christmas.
But, I think that I love the fall season and Thanksgiving more.

I do not want to be rushed through November in a frantic dash toward Christmas. I do not want to battle commercialism and consumerism for the next 2 months as the world around me tells me to "buy more." I do not want to read another blog with helpful tips for preparing for the busy-ness of the holidays. I absolutely do not want to start counting down the days until Christmas!

I want to savor November. I want to enjoy the changing leaves, the mellowing light, the early dark that encourages more time for snuggling baby boys (and handsome husband!) and reading good books. I want to slow down, be intentionally thankful, plan hearty fall meals, make hot chocolate on the stove with real milk. I want to use my birthday to reflect on God's work in me over the past year. I want to quietly begin working with my hands to make simple gifts for those I love, praying for the one I am gifting as I work.

I am choosing to embrace November!

God Himself Is With Us

Despite the beauty of the day I am feeling worn and irritable. So I simply post this amazing hymn, praying the truth and beauty of the melody and lyrics will shift my focus from me to Him.

God Himself Is With Us

God himself is with us: let us now adore him,
and with awe appear before him.
God is in his temple, all within keep silence,
prostrate lie with deepest reverence.
him alone God we own, him our God and Savior;
praise his Name forever.

God himself is with us: hear the harps resounding!
see the crowds the throne surrounding!
"Holy, holy, holy," hear the hymn ascending,
angels, saints, their voices blending!
bow thine ear to us here: hear, O Christ, the praises
that thy church now raises.

O thou fount of blessing, purify my spirit;
trusting only in thy merit,
like the holy angels who behold thy glory,
may I ceaselessly adore thee,
and in all, great and small, seek to do most nearly
what thou lovest dearly.

Words: Gerhardt Tersteegen, 1729;
trans. Frederick William Foster and John Miller, 1789, alt.

One Thousand Gifts (3)

- Good friends

- Warm snuggles, heart warming laughter, and the wonderful beauty of a full moon on a fall night on our annual hayride. (This picture looks a bit different from the first official picture taken of Aaron & I as a couple at our first Harvest Party together 12 years ago!)


- The clear presentation of the Truth of the Gospel to attentive little ears.

Another Harvest party on Saturday night! We figured it was our 12th as couple! The cold rain stopped, the clouds parted, and the full moon shone bright and glorious. Marshmallows were roasted, chili was tasted, good conversation was had around a roaring fire, sleep was sweet and deep. Nathaniel had so much fun the first words out of his mouth on Sunday morning were, "Want to go to 'nother harvest party NOW!"

Family Picture Day

On a beautiful fall day last week we all got into our matching, we-are-the-cute-family picture clothes and a friend came over to snap some pictures. It was still hard to get one with all four of us looking good at the same time. However, some of her shots of the boys took my breath away! (I am not posting those now because I am still deciding which to use for Christmas pictures...)

This morning I woke up tempted to grouse and complain (grandparents coming to visit, house still in chaos, Nathaniel pitching fits, an ongoing battle with ants, remnants of a cold making my head hurt). Then I saw these. I am blessed beyond what I can ask, deserve, or imagine! Thanks be to God for His indescribable gifts!

Pictures by Michelle Carter at Michelle Carter Photography. Thanks Michelle!

One Thousand Gifts (2)

5. the beautiful flowers that surprise me every time I look out the sun room window on my way to do laundry

6. imagination
7. round orange pumpkins
8. bright fall sunlight filtering into the livin groom
9. Lilly's sweet infant smiles
10. good coffee and chat with a friend
11. vibrance of fall leaves
12. early morning snuggles, warm and cozy before the day begins

Being boys

When we are out at the store I often get told, "You have your hands full!" I find this funny since I only have 2 kids. But I guess the fact that they are boys ups the ante a little bit. And it is true that there is never a dull day when you are raising boys....

On the first sunny afternoon (after more days of rain than I care to count) the boys spent almost an hour picking the new growth buds off of our bushes. I think it was a good sacrifice to make for an hour of the boys getting along and me being able to cook dinner in peace.

It has been cold here! By cold I mean that we went from beautiful fall days of 70 degrees to highs in the low 50 degrees. Nathaniel was jealous of Jeremiah's Super Mario hat so he got to choose a hat of his own.

Nathaniel is currently obsessed with lions and the Lion King movie. But our video tape player eats VHS tapes now so he can't watch it. This results in one pouting episode per day. However, he can usually be distracted by Ice Age or Shrek. He is not a fan of Thomas the Tank Engine.

Jeremiah has announced that he will do school on Wednesday and Thursday only. Fine with me. He is currently very into maps, geography, and learning about countries. Yesterday he announced that he wants us all to go visit the Great Wall of China. Nice to know that the traveling DNA made it through to him!

Next week is our last soccer game of the season. It has been fun for us all. Jeremiah has learned a lot and gotten a lot of exercise. We have learned that Jeremiah is not competitive by nature, yet. I'm fine with that. I'm not either. We've also learned that Nathaniel probably is. He runs to the soccer field saying, "I play! My coach! Goal!" We spend game time keeping Nathaniel off the field. He has an awesome dribble.

Jeremiah was reading Prince Caspian by himself the other day. I have no idea how much he was retaining, but he was reading away. Aaron and I are learning that trying to spell out things that we don't want him to hear just doesn't work much any more. "Mama, why did you spell park?!"

Yesterday while we sat in the sun a lady bug was discovered on my book. The boys spent half an hour examining it and carrying it around on a leaf. The both cried genuine tears of sadness when it flew away.

It is LOUD at my house. There are sibling spats, good natured wrestling, singing, running, playing music, and pretend play going on constantly. When it gets to be too much for my quiet loving, introverted self I remind myself that there will come a day when my house will be empty and quiet and I may actually miss all the noise.

One Thousand Gifts

1. a crackling warm fire on a cold, dreary night

2. my husband's strong, gentle, patient hands

3. a moment of patience in the midst of an impatient week

4. pure, childlike laughter and joy




I have started keep this list of gratitude in my head. What a difference it makes in my daily life and attitude to keep myself aware of all the gifts that God gives me both great and small! So, I have decided to join the Multitude Monday community on the Holy Experience blog.

Making more natural stuff

My younger self would have never in a million years imagined that I would actually make my own diaper rash cream.
But I did.
And it is awesome!

"Why did you do this?" You ask...
Because we use cloth diapers now and you can't use all the traditional diaper rash creams that you get at baby showers because the ingredients (which are impossible to pronounce, and do you really want them on your baby's little bottom?) make the diapers less absorbent. And you need a diaper to actually absorb.
Because even though Nathaniel gets fewer diaper rashes than he did with disposables, he still does get them and I don't like switching back to disposables just so that I can use diaper rash cream. That kind of defeats the purpose of switching to cloth diapers in the first place.

But even if I didn't use cloth diapers I would still make this stuff! (And I probably will make this stuff and package it nicely for my friends having babies.)

"Why?" You ask again...
Because the ingredients are all natural. The ingredients are soft on baby's skin and actually good and nourishing for it.
It smells naturally good as opposed to processed, scented, fake good. There is a huge difference.
And I have never seen a kid actually ask me to put diaper cream on his bottom. Really. It is kind of freaky. I intended to just use this stuff when a diaper rash appeared, but Nathaniel asks me to put it on every time I change his diaper. He is also very possessive, "Mine dipe cw-eem!" he exclaims clutching the jar.

I got the recipe from this site (a great site for all kinds of natural tips, tricks and recipe's).

Homemade Natural Diaper Cream
1/8 cup coconut oil (extra virgin is preferred)
1/4 cup raw shea butter
3-4 tablespoons talc-free cornstarch or arrowroot powder

Combine coconut oil and shea butter in small bowl with a hand mixer.
Add cornstarch or arrowroot powder one tablespoon at a time until it reaches desired thickness (should look and feel similar to whipped icing).
Transfer to container of your choice.
Makes about 1 cup.

Strange Fall Days

It has been a strange fall so far. Lots of rain. Lots. The fire pit that we bought with visions of cool fall evenings enjoying the cozy warmth of a fire and marshmallow toasting sits still unused. During Aaron's fall break we had 2 clear days. We made the most of one of those days by weeding, spreading mulch, and clearing leaves.

Watch this mom!

Coming to get you!

Determined....

Yipee!

The mischievous grin...

Then there is this barefooted, diaper wearing, running machine

I dare you to resist this smile!

You simply can't resist the cuteness...

And of course, gotta have the brotherly wrestle in the leaves!