Another Year

Every year my birthday kinda sneaks up on me, and this year even more so. I still experience a small shock when I tell people my age (now 32) not because I am vain or care about the number, but because I feel like someone in their 30's should have their life more together than I have mine. I still feel so immature and so selfish in so many ways. I still struggle daily with self discipline, controlling anger and loving others more than I love myself just to name a few. I wonder what God would have me accomplish. Is living in this small town, working part time at a fast food restaurant while trying to be a wife and mother really accomplishing anything for the Kingdom?
Despite all the self-examination and probing questions I have been asking myself recently I feel thankful for life I have been given. I have a husband who is more gentle, patient and loving than I deserve. I have two beautiful sons who light up my life every day. I am surrounded by family and friends who care for me. I am healthy and my physical needs are all provided for. I am the daughter of a Father who loves me so much He has washed my sins away and sees me as perfect through Christ.
When I was a teenager I envisioned my adult self as a jet-setting, high powered, international business woman traveling the world and meeting all kinds of interesting people. When I was in college I envisioned myself as a counselor to third culture kids, maybe working at a boarding school in Europe or Africa. I never once envisioned myself as a wife and mother, living and working in a small town in conservative, southern America - much less liking it.
I have no idea what God has in store for my future. I have some vague plans (adoption? more social work? moving?) but I trust God's plan, whatever that may be. In the mean time I am working more at enjoying each day for the beauty it brings and lessons it teaches me.
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9