Yesterday was a bad day. By bad, I mead B-A-D.
Maybe it was the fact that Nathaniel spiked a 103 degree fever and wanted to be held all day. Maybe it was the fact that it was Aaron's second day back at work for the new school year. Maybe it was the fact that on our second day of pre-K homeschooling Jeremiah showed his independent streak and refused to do part of the worksheets I had prepared. Maybe it was the fact that once Aaron did return home after a long days work we received a phone call that the plumbing in our rental property was backed up, for the 3rd time in 4 days, and he had to go work on it.
But I can't really blame it on those things. In the past I have handled things like that with grace and patience.
The truth...yesterday I simply did not want to be a mother. Or a wife.
I felt stifled by the fact that someone needed something from me every moment of the day. I felt frustrated that I hadn't been out of the house or interacted with anyone but my husband or kids for the better part of the week.
The truth...I sinned horribly. I yelled at the kids. I was upset with my husband for things beyond his control. I sulked. I was quick to spank Jeremiah for a small infraction.
These are the kind of parenting days that no one tells you about. They are the kind of parenting days that you are positive that no one else has ever had. They are the kind of days that leave you feeling extremely guilty.
Then something happened. At 11:30 at night Nathaniel needed me. I dragged myself out of the bed that I had just collapsed into and found myself strangely full of joy. Nathaniel was standing in his crib with his arms reached out to me calling, "Mama, need you!" Instead of weariness and resentment God filled my heart with calm and quiet. I got him a cup of juice and snuggled him. As I cuddled his little body and gazed on Jeremiah sprawled on his bed I sought God's forgiveness for sinning against these two precious little ones. I felt His grace. I felt the guilt wash away.
This morning Nathaniel slept until 7:30! I was able to greet him with a smile when I heard him call from his bed, "Goo-t nap mama!" Jeremiah slept until 8:00! As we had our morning snuggle time on the couch I asked him to forgive me. I told him that the way I had treated him yesterday was wrong. What joy to see my sleepy-eyed, tousled haired, batman pj clad little boy look at me clearly and say without hesitation, "Of course I forgive you mama! I love you!"
And with that a new day began.
Maybe it was the fact that Nathaniel spiked a 103 degree fever and wanted to be held all day. Maybe it was the fact that it was Aaron's second day back at work for the new school year. Maybe it was the fact that on our second day of pre-K homeschooling Jeremiah showed his independent streak and refused to do part of the worksheets I had prepared. Maybe it was the fact that once Aaron did return home after a long days work we received a phone call that the plumbing in our rental property was backed up, for the 3rd time in 4 days, and he had to go work on it.
But I can't really blame it on those things. In the past I have handled things like that with grace and patience.
The truth...yesterday I simply did not want to be a mother. Or a wife.
I felt stifled by the fact that someone needed something from me every moment of the day. I felt frustrated that I hadn't been out of the house or interacted with anyone but my husband or kids for the better part of the week.
The truth...I sinned horribly. I yelled at the kids. I was upset with my husband for things beyond his control. I sulked. I was quick to spank Jeremiah for a small infraction.
These are the kind of parenting days that no one tells you about. They are the kind of parenting days that you are positive that no one else has ever had. They are the kind of days that leave you feeling extremely guilty.
Then something happened. At 11:30 at night Nathaniel needed me. I dragged myself out of the bed that I had just collapsed into and found myself strangely full of joy. Nathaniel was standing in his crib with his arms reached out to me calling, "Mama, need you!" Instead of weariness and resentment God filled my heart with calm and quiet. I got him a cup of juice and snuggled him. As I cuddled his little body and gazed on Jeremiah sprawled on his bed I sought God's forgiveness for sinning against these two precious little ones. I felt His grace. I felt the guilt wash away.
This morning Nathaniel slept until 7:30! I was able to greet him with a smile when I heard him call from his bed, "Goo-t nap mama!" Jeremiah slept until 8:00! As we had our morning snuggle time on the couch I asked him to forgive me. I told him that the way I had treated him yesterday was wrong. What joy to see my sleepy-eyed, tousled haired, batman pj clad little boy look at me clearly and say without hesitation, "Of course I forgive you mama! I love you!"
And with that a new day began.
1 comment:
no temptation except that which is common to man...
i take joy that you face the same temptations i do, and experience the same joy of forgiveness when you screw up!!
i really needed to read this this morning, as i'm facing a day with the three kids on less than usual sleep and i've been up since 5 a.m. i'm so tempted right now to be a big grouch.
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