I just downloaded 48 pictures from our Thanksgiving trip! So browse through, if you dare.
While we were gone I kept wanting to blog, to capture memories in writing, but I didn't have easy access to a computer, and it was a week full of people and fun and not much down time. I am blessed beyond belief with this family of mine! My Aunt Carol and Uncle Daryl and their kids made us feel so welcome in their home for a few days. It was so nourishing to be in their house. They provided good conversations over meals, special treats for the boys (Star Wars pancakes!), and hosting family gatherings. Our friends, the Haymes, lent us their house while they were visiting family in Chattanooga, so we had a wonderful place to relax and enjoy our first Thanksgiving with my siblings and parents in longer than we can remember. We celebrated my Grandpa Viss' 80th birthday! What a joy to be part of that special time. He is an amazing man.
We had warm, gorgeous weather so we were able to spend a lot of time outside. The boys were great travelers and did terrific despite changes in sleeping and eating patterns. It really is a whole different world to travel with kids out of the baby/toddler stage.
And of course the big news is that my parents are back in the States for good! They said goodbye to their life in Holland of almost 23 years. Saying goodbye to them was not quite so painful because we know they are just a car trip away.
So we are back home. Reveling in the memories of a joyful week past. Ready to start getting out Christmas decorations and beginning our Advent practices.
It seems as if we are finally emerging from our sickness. Jeremiah slept the whole night through last night without a coughing fit. That seems like such a simple sentence, but his coughing fits were so bad and frequent that I knew he wasn't getting good rest at night. I still get exhausted pretty quickly, but I can tell that my antibiotics are finally kicking in. We are looking forward to packing up the van and heading north on Sunday.
But oh.my.goodness this is the most unprepared I have been for a trip ever.
Usually I start preparing for a trip weeks in advance. I make lists and start gathering things I think we will need. If we are traveling by car I usually bake healthy snacks for the road. I usually clean the house from top to bottom because I hate coming home from vacation to a cluttered, dirty house.
This time we are going to wing it. Which goes absolutely against my nature.
This week I ditched the lists and the plans because my priority was rest. We needed to all get better if we are going to actually enjoy our trip. So I am digging up enough clean clothes to pack today. We got some coupons for Chick-fil-A and I think I have enough granola bars in the pantry to fill in for snack time. We will definitely be closing the door on a messy house when we head out.
Thankfully the boys are older so winging it comes a bit easier. Some friends have let us borrow a portable DVD player for the van and we have a few new books and toys. They are better at sitting still and entertaining themselves. As for eating, thankfully we are past the feed every 2 hours stage so as long as we know where Chick-fil-A is along the way I think we will manage just fine. And honestly, if we forget something important we can pick it up at a store because Philadelphia has stores too! Imagine!
I realized this week that in the past, every time we have gone on a trip I stress and obsess but it always ends up being ok. Most of the time it ends up being better than ok, it ends up being great! So we will rest more today, do some last minute things tomorrow, and then hit the road! Our family is waiting at the other end and getting there to spend time with them is truly all that matters!
After finishing my workout Nathaniel looked at me and exclaimed, "Mama! You are so sparkly!"
For my birthday Nathaniel gave me a Cinderella birthday card complete with glitter and lights and "Bibbity-Bobbety-Boo" playing at the press of a button. He told me he picked it because it played my favorite song and because "I thought you needed a princesscard."
I told Jeremiah I was going to get my haircut. He said, "Why don't you wait until we get to Philadelphia?" I replied, "Because I want to get it done before we go to Philadelphia so that I will look pretty for our trip."
"I think you look pretty just the way you are now."
Aaron takes me shopping. All I see in the 3-way dressing room mirror are my imperfections, a body that doesn't match my idea of beautiful. He sees beauty and says so.
Why can't I learn to see myself the way the most important men in my life do?
The week unfolds differently than I had planned. Bathrooms stay dirty, laundry stays piled, and healthy snacks for the road remain uncooked as we give in to rest. A weekend of fevers and deep coughs for Jeremiah, 10 days of low-grade sick and lack of energy for me, a snotty nose for Nathaniel have us going to the doctor this afternoon. We are hoping for antibiotics to get us feeling like ourselves again.
And the lesson I am learning is to let go. To let go of my expectations and just be patiently present for what is. The fun and joy of our visit to Philly for Thanksgiving depends not on what I can check off of my to-do list but on the attitude of my heart. Sure, it is not ideal to come back from vacation to dirty bathrooms and piles of laundry, but the attitude of my heart not the condition of my house will determine my joy. I can grouch and worry and whine through this week as I think of all the things I would ideally like to do. Or I can purpose to create a peaceful, restful environment (despite the dirty dishes and the dusty shelves) for us all to heal.
So we stay in our pj's and drink lots of juice and snuggle on the couch and watch lots of movies and read lots of books and take long afternoon naps. And I feel so much grace as brothers call me with offers of help (not even knowing how sick we are) and emails encourage me to rest and remind me to just show up so we can be loved on. I watch the falling leaves pile high on the back deck littered with toys that really should be put away. But I breathe deep and turn away. Letting it go.
I am tired this morning. We have all been fighting off some kind of bug and while I am not sick enough to crawl into bed and ignore the world I feel generally tired, scratchy throat, and on the cusp of really getting sick. Last night I intended to go to bed early and get some good sleep. But Jeremiah was coughing, and then some drunk guy called our home phone, and then my brain was going with everything I need to get done, and then at 3:30am Jeremiah was coughing again and Nathaniel's sheets needed to be changed and I pretty much never got back to sleep after that.
The thing is that I have too much to do. I really can't afford to be sick right now. My to-do list for our trip to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving is a whole page long and so far nothing is crossed off. There are busy days scheduled between now and the time we leave. My house is in a constant state of disorder, and while I am not a perfectionist and can overlook disorder for periods of time, eventually the disorder gets to me and makes me anxious and irritable.
On Wednesday morning I canceled our weekly women's Bible study because it seemed like the right thing to do. I was looking forward to a day in my pajamas to rest and maybe try to bring some order to the house. Aaron called early. He had accidentally locked his keys in the car with the radio going. I would need to load up the kids to bring the spare key right away so the battery wouldn't die. I brewed some tea, grabbed some granola bars and loaded the kids into the car. This was not my plan for the morning and the irritation was on the tip of my tongue. As I drove through the beautiful fall colored back roads of North Georgia I pondered the verses from our Bible study this past week.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. No not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:4-7
I tend to read through these familiar verses quickly. I have heard them so much in my life that they don't really mean anything. My brain, busy with the business of myself and my day, skims these words and blithely moves on. Of course I will always rejoice, I think. Of course if I was like Paul and in prison for my faith I would rejoice, I am a good Christian after all.
On Wednesday morning as our van wound its way under trees aflame with fall the Spirit whispered to me. Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. Gentleness as a sign of rejoicing?! What does that mean? I have definitely not been gentle the past few days as I grouch through housework and berate through discipline and bark impatiently through instruction.
The Lord is near.Again, my perspective is so skewed. I go about my day with my needs and plans in mind. I push others aside in order to "get stuff done." How often do I look around my home and consciously think, The Lord is near? Would the laundry piled on the couch waiting to be folded really matter that much if I acted like The Lord is near? Would the way I speak to my kids or spend time with my husband or spend my few precious minutes of "alone time" change if I knew in my heart of hearts that The Lord is near?
Do not be anxious about anything...I assume that means the big things like poverty and persecution. But what if it means the little things like what will actually get done before we hit the road for our Thanksgiving vacation? What if it means the little things that I dismiss as petty, but that still make me anxious? The unwashed dishes and the disorganized closets and the looming empty suitcases and the boys who run outside without their jackets even though they are sniffling and coughing and the bills that have to be paid and the never ending grocery list and the dirty bathrooms?
As I drive and ponder I hear from the back of the van, "Please don't be angry mama, but I spilled some of my juice." My heart cracks wide at the first words out of my son's mouth, "Please don't be angry mama...." and the Spirit speaks again, Let your gentlenessbe evident to all. The lecturing words that were on the tip of my tongue fly away as I breathe deep. This is the practice of rejoicing in all things. The daily, disciplining work of actually being gentle and bringing peace. "It's o.k. sweetie." I smile to him in the rear view mirror, "It's just juice, we can clean it up together when we get home." And the tears well in my eyes because in that moment of my heart change I can feel that The Lord is near.
In our morning prayer time (using Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals) the daily readings have been from Revelation. I used to avoid the book of Revelation because I honestly have no idea what it means, and I am not one to sit and talk hours of theology over the end times because it seems kind of pointless. But our pastor recently reminded us that the point of the book of Revelation is really quite simple:
God wins.
And to read it from that perspective has been refreshing.
With that perspective in mind I share these beautiful verses that we read on Monday morning:
The second woe has passed; the third woe is coming soon.
The seventh angel sounded his trumpet, and there were loud voices in heaven which said:
"The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ, and he will reign for ever and ever."
And the twenty four elders, who were seated on their thrones before God, fell on their faces and worshiped God, saying:
"We give thanks to you; Lord God Almighty, the One who is and who was, because you have taken your great power and begun to reign.
The nations were angry; and your wrath has come.
The time has come for judging the dead, and for rewarding your servants the prophets and your saints and those who reverence your name, both small and great --
and for destroying those who destroy the earth."
Then God's temple in heaven was opened, and within his temple was seen the ark of his covenant. And there came flashes of lightning, rumblings, peals of thunder, an earthquake and a great hailstorm.
- Revelation 11:14-19
As I read this passage the boys were wide-eyes and completely still. Can you picture it? The angel sounding his trumpet and the loud voices in heaven and the elders falling on their faces proclaiming God's glory and truth and righteousness, and the heavens ripping open and the holiness of God flashing and thundering and shaking the earth? I get goosebumps when I read these reminders of the holiness and power of my God. Tears come to my eyes because I know that even though I stumble sinfully through this life, and I grieve over war and famine and death and injustice, God will win.
We were recently introduced to a new song that has quickly become a favorite for our family, The Earth Is Yours by Gungor.We turn it up loud and dance crazy around the house because we serve the God who created this earth and who will return to make all things that are wrong right again. God will win.
The Earth Is Yours by Gungor from the album Beautiful Things
Your voice it thunders
The oaks start twisting
The forest sounds with cedars breaking
The waters see You and start their writhing
From the depths a song is rising
Now it’s rising from the ground
Holy, Holy
Holy, Holy Lord
The earth is Yours and singing
Holy, Holy
Holy, Holy Lord
The earth is Yours
The earth is Yours
Your voice it thunders
The ground is shaking
The mighty mountains now are trembling
Creation sees You
And starts composing
The fields and trees they start rejoicing.
Now it's rising from the ground
It’s rising from the ground
Hear us crying out
Hear us crying out
Holy, Holy
Holy, Holy Lord
The earth is Yours and singing
Holy, Holy
Holy, Holy Lord
The earth is Yours
The earth is Yours
I have a confession to make: I secretly wish I lived on a commune, surrounded by people, sharing work and life and responsibility. This desire sometimes makes life in independent-minded America very difficult. Because I don't want to be busy with activities and play dates and coordinating schedules in order to build relationships and community. I want to share every day life with people.
The weekend of the Highlands retreat is one of my favorite weekends of the year because for the whole weekend we truly live in community. We share meals. We worship daily. We pray. We sleep (or don't sleep). We play games. We talk. We cry. We get on each others nerves. We watch kids roam and run. We laugh.We share. It's a slight foretaste of heaven and it leaves me longing for more.
