I am tired this morning. We have all been fighting off some kind of bug and while I am not sick enough to crawl into bed and ignore the world I feel generally tired, scratchy throat, and on the cusp of really getting sick. Last night I intended to go to bed early and get some good sleep. But Jeremiah was coughing, and then some drunk guy called our home phone, and then my brain was going with everything I need to get done, and then at 3:30am Jeremiah was coughing again and Nathaniel's sheets needed to be changed and I pretty much never got back to sleep after that.
The thing is that I have too much to do. I really can't afford to be sick right now. My to-do list for our trip to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving is a whole page long and so far nothing is crossed off. There are busy days scheduled between now and the time we leave. My house is in a constant state of disorder, and while I am not a perfectionist and can overlook disorder for periods of time, eventually the disorder gets to me and makes me anxious and irritable.
On Wednesday morning I canceled our weekly women's Bible study because it seemed like the right thing to do. I was looking forward to a day in my pajamas to rest and maybe try to bring some order to the house. Aaron called early. He had accidentally locked his keys in the car with the radio going. I would need to load up the kids to bring the spare key right away so the battery wouldn't die. I brewed some tea, grabbed some granola bars and loaded the kids into the car. This was not my plan for the morning and the irritation was on the tip of my tongue. As I drove through the beautiful fall colored back roads of North Georgia I pondered the verses from our Bible study this past week.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. No not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:4-7
I tend to read through these familiar verses quickly. I have heard them so much in my life that they don't really mean anything. My brain, busy with the business of myself and my day, skims these words and blithely moves on. Of course I will always rejoice, I think. Of course if I was like Paul and in prison for my faith I would rejoice, I am a good Christian after all.
On Wednesday morning as our van wound its way under trees aflame with fall the Spirit whispered to me. Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. Gentleness as a sign of rejoicing?! What does that mean? I have definitely not been gentle the past few days as I grouch through housework and berate through discipline and bark impatiently through instruction.
The Lord is near. Again, my perspective is so skewed. I go about my day with my needs and plans in mind. I push others aside in order to "get stuff done." How often do I look around my home and consciously think, The Lord is near? Would the laundry piled on the couch waiting to be folded really matter that much if I acted like The Lord is near? Would the way I speak to my kids or spend time with my husband or spend my few precious minutes of "alone time" change if I knew in my heart of hearts that The Lord is near?
Do not be anxious about anything...I assume that means the big things like poverty and persecution. But what if it means the little things like what will actually get done before we hit the road for our Thanksgiving vacation? What if it means the little things that I dismiss as petty, but that still make me anxious? The unwashed dishes and the disorganized closets and the looming empty suitcases and the boys who run outside without their jackets even though they are sniffling and coughing and the bills that have to be paid and the never ending grocery list and the dirty bathrooms?
As I drive and ponder I hear from the back of the van, "Please don't be angry mama, but I spilled some of my juice." My heart cracks wide at the first words out of my son's mouth, "Please don't be angry mama...." and the Spirit speaks again, Let your gentleness be evident to all. The lecturing words that were on the tip of my tongue fly away as I breathe deep. This is the practice of rejoicing in all things. The daily, disciplining work of actually being gentle and bringing peace. "It's o.k. sweetie." I smile to him in the rear view mirror, "It's just juice, we can clean it up together when we get home." And the tears well in my eyes because in that moment of my heart change I can feel that The Lord is near.
On Wednesday morning as our van wound its way under trees aflame with fall the Spirit whispered to me. Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. Gentleness as a sign of rejoicing?! What does that mean? I have definitely not been gentle the past few days as I grouch through housework and berate through discipline and bark impatiently through instruction.
The Lord is near. Again, my perspective is so skewed. I go about my day with my needs and plans in mind. I push others aside in order to "get stuff done." How often do I look around my home and consciously think, The Lord is near? Would the laundry piled on the couch waiting to be folded really matter that much if I acted like The Lord is near? Would the way I speak to my kids or spend time with my husband or spend my few precious minutes of "alone time" change if I knew in my heart of hearts that The Lord is near?
Do not be anxious about anything...I assume that means the big things like poverty and persecution. But what if it means the little things like what will actually get done before we hit the road for our Thanksgiving vacation? What if it means the little things that I dismiss as petty, but that still make me anxious? The unwashed dishes and the disorganized closets and the looming empty suitcases and the boys who run outside without their jackets even though they are sniffling and coughing and the bills that have to be paid and the never ending grocery list and the dirty bathrooms?
As I drive and ponder I hear from the back of the van, "Please don't be angry mama, but I spilled some of my juice." My heart cracks wide at the first words out of my son's mouth, "Please don't be angry mama...." and the Spirit speaks again, Let your gentleness be evident to all. The lecturing words that were on the tip of my tongue fly away as I breathe deep. This is the practice of rejoicing in all things. The daily, disciplining work of actually being gentle and bringing peace. "It's o.k. sweetie." I smile to him in the rear view mirror, "It's just juice, we can clean it up together when we get home." And the tears well in my eyes because in that moment of my heart change I can feel that The Lord is near.
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