1000 Gifts

 On Saturday we headed out to one of our favorite places, The Pocket. It was a day for:

 - changing light; sparking on water and sending long shadows

 - super hero poses

 - wildflowers already blooming

 - wildly flowing water after days and days of rain

 - conquering climbs

 - clearing the path

 - resting in a warm spot of sun

 - crisp blue skies

 - getting off the beaten path 

 - a refreshing perspective

 - peaceful, hilltop fields 

 - boyhood wonder

 -holding hands

-discovering places with memories ("This is where we had a picnic with oma and opa!)

 

- contemplation.

5 Minute Friday: Tender

Time for 5 Minute Friday again at Gypsy Mama. Which is good, because it has been a day to be outside soaking up sun and warmth and I am grabbing a few stolen minutes of quiet before the dinner prep begins.

Today's Prompt: Tender

GO

We have spent the week studying Colossians 3:12-14. Discussing ways to have compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forgiveness and love. And some days I just stand and wonder what I am doing in raising these man-cubs. They run wild and play rough and speak loud and laugh crazy and explode with anger. And I too am dealing with my own stuff and know too well the ways I fail to model these tender things. I know when I too bubble over and snap impatient and turn selfish.

All too often I think, How in the world am I to raise these boys to men?

God encourages though. He shows me glimpses of the grace that is growing in their hearts. Today we gloried in the unseasonably warm air. We hiked back roads of a friends farm and yes, the boys ran wild and stomped muddy and pushed each other over and battled with sticks and spoke unkindly. But as we hiked back for lunch I looked up the road and there was my 6 year old son ("practically 7 mama!") walking hand in hand with his 3 year old friend. Their blond heads bobbing and their chatter floating back to us who walked behind. He was slowing his steps to match his friend skipping alongside. He was listening and caring and being patient. How my heart swelled!

A tender moment, granted to me by a tender God who is lovingly leading us all down this path together.

STOP

Bowling

 Aaron gives basic instructions.

 A bunch of boys.

 Jeremiah's bowling poses.

 Checking the score, because we have all of the sudden developed a competitive nature.

 Nathaniel's lean. 

Because we all know that leaning helps move the ball. 

Nathaniel gets a spare!

Kendal's pose. 

 

 

Saturday was a rainy day after a week of rainy days. Getting out of the house during the week is more challenging now that we have an extra kid here so by the weekend we all needed to get out and find something fun to do. I was thinking about what to do when it occurred to me to text my friend and see what they were up to. In no time at all we had made plans to go bowling together. We are so blessed by our friendship with this family. If it doesn't sound too corny I think it is safe to say that we are heart-sisters. It's a rare thing when the dads, moms, and kids all enjoy being together. 

5 Minute Friday - Vivid

Today's Prompt:  Vivid

GO

Vivid. Images that burst through of the men these boys of mine are becoming. They race toward me on a rutted country road. Their legs pump hard at the pedals, their faces full of animation, their voices ringing loud in the woods. And I see it flit, the faces of boys transformed to men. 

Vivid. Conversations that take my breath away. Conversations that show their hearts and point to their growth into men of integrity. A pang of sorrow and joy as a son shows the man he will become when he says, completely unscripted because we have never had this conversation, "I think I would wait to kiss until my real wedding, not at a play pretend wedding." And I see it, vivid, the image of him standing tall at the front of a church waiting with anticipation for his bride. 

Vivid. This life that seems so monochromatic. These small moments that are building a future.

STOP

Go check out The Gypsy Mama's site for more on Vivid. Good stuff.

Colossians 3 Activity

 

I am learning that things don't have to be perfect for them to be fun and thoughtful. I have spent a lot of time meditating on Colossians 3 in the past few months.  I thought there were some verses in the chapter that would be good for our family to memorize. This morning as we were talking about it during breakfast I realized that I could simply and easily make a visual to go with our verse as well as incorporate some crafting for the boys. 

All I did was cut a big piece of craft paper (I love having a large roll of craft paper in the house!), write the beginning part of the verse on the top, and stick it onto the dining room wall. As we discuss each aspect of what we are to "put on" the boys will create something and add it to the poster. Today we started with "compassionate hearts" so I cut out hearts and let the boys decorate them. Easy peasy.While they colored we talked about what it means to be compassionate and I wrote the definition of compassion (from the dictionary) on another heart to add to the poster. We talked about specific ways we could show compassion to each other at home and to others outside of our home.

Again, this wasn't a fancy or time consuming activity. But the boys enjoyed it and it is a good visual reminder for us all of the verses we are learning. Simple and imperfect is better than nothing at all.

Put on the, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which you were called in one body. And be thankful. -Colossians 3:12-14

1000 Gifts - A great day

We needed today. A day just for the 4 of us, with no responsibilities or demands on our time. A day waiting to be unwrapped. A day to just enjoy being together, to savor the moments. To breathe deep and count the moments like pearls beautifully strung. So we loaded up bikes and bundled into jackets. The sky was grey and the air nipped at our cheeks but we needed to be outside. Boys need to room to roam. They need to run free and wild. They need forest trails to explore and wide spaces to echo with their ringing calls. And parents need to walk quiet and realize again the joy of their little ones. To not hurry or worry about to-do lists. To hold hands and just smile at each other and the beauty of this shared life without need for words or grand gestures.

The count continues with the beautiful gifts of today:
- heavy grey clouds
- little hands in mittens
- red cheeks and noses
- bright blue eyes
- bicycle helmets
- Jeremiah racing ahead, so proud of how much better he has gotten at riding his bike
- Nathaniel fast and furious on his 2 wheeler with training wheels
- bare tree limbs etched black against steel winter sky
- boys voices ringing from a trail in the woods, they are off on an adventure, "PAPA! YOU HAVE GOT TO COME SEE THIS!"
- his hand holding mine
- a shared smile
- a simple picnic lunch, even in the cold

5 Minute Friday: Awake

Another Friday, another chance to just stop and write for 5 minutes. No editing, no over thinking, no back tracking.

Today's Prompt: Awake

GO

I have been dull the past 2 weeks. Exhausted. Moving by rote. No energy or thought for anything besides the tasks I need to accomplish that day. Getting us back into a routine and caring for children who are not my own was a bit more challenging than I thought. 

One thing though. I am forced awake in the early hours. Before the kids rise I have to be up and dressed for the day. A cup of coffee in hand. Ready to greet the kids that are dropped off at the door before my kids have even left their beds. 

This morning I "slept in" and missed my quiet time. Missed the dark, quiet house and my few minutes to myself. Missed the time to read a verse and be strengthened for the day to come. Missed the time to come awake; to myself, to the day, to the challenges and joys that will be part of every moment.

I am a person who loves my sleep, but this morning I missed my special time to come awake. Go figure.

STOP

Encouragement

There are some days when I wonder if we made the right decision to home school our children for now. Like this morning when it just seemed like no one was listening and I stormed out of the room frustrated.  Or the morning when we were supposed to be writing a compare/contrast paragraph and I realized that I had never taught Jeremiah the basics of paragraph writing. Mornings when the chaos in the house just seems to be too much and I wonder if anyone really is learning anything. Days when we take breaks and it seems as if we are just being lazy. 

Our family and friends are incredibly supportive and I rarely encounter negativity from others. My struggle is within myself. I think that I am not doing this right. I convince myself that someone else could do this better.

Then there are some days when I get thrilled down to my toes and I know that this is right. Like the day when Jeremiah insisted we by him a "Fiber Optics Lab" that he found on the sale table at The School Box. I wanted to put it back. Christmas was barely over and already all the new toys had been retired to a box in the corner. I felt like we didn't need more stuff. But Aaron and Jeremiah insisted and boy, was I proven wrong! Jeremiah spent the rest of that rainy Saturday afternoon building burglar alarms and light meters and an alarm clock. It has been the most played with "toy" in our house. I watched him read, comprehend, and follow complex directions. I watched him problem solve when something didn't work quite right. I watched him learn.

And last night I got a thrill when Jeremiah got close to beating Aaron in chess. He is getting much better. He is learning to think strategically and plan ahead. He is learning to concentrate. Then there is the life lesson of being gracious in defeat.

Or when Nathaniel walks up to a map and points out the countries we have been learning about. I get a thrill when I see him confidently showing off where Greece and Egypt and Mesopotamia are. (Yes, I know Mesopotamia is not a modern day country, but we are learning about ancient civilizations this year.) I realize in those moments that he is picking up on much more than I think he is during our shared learning times.

So, we keep at it. We read. We play. We write. We observe. We work. And I think we learn, even on the days that it looks like we are being lazy. Learning isn't confined to classroom hours. It happens as we live and explore this life together. For right now, this home schooling thing is right for us.

Caramel Apple Layer Cake with Apple Cider Frosting

Have you discovered Pinterest? If not, you should. It is basically a virtual bulletin board where you can "pin" things you want to remember when you run across them on-line. Since all the boards are public you can also see what other people are pinning. It is prettier that the bookmark folders and actually for me better organized since I can make up a bulletin board for various topics. There are beautiful and inspiring and helpful things on there. There are also crazy, ridiculous things on there.  It can also be a time-suck.

But...I have tried some new recipes that I found on Pinterest. I like to try a new dessert every Christmas. I usually prefer a dessert that contains chocolate. However, when I ran across this Caramel Apple Layer Cake with Apple Cider Frosting on A Hint of Honey I just had to try it. It was delicious! A very moist and tasty cake that is not too rich. One thing I would change next time is to make a cream cheese frosting. I am not a fan of super-sweet icing and this one was just a tad to sweet for me.

Caramel Apple Layer Cake with Apple Cider Frosting

3 3/4 cups all purpose flour
1 Tb baking powder
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups light brown sugar
3/4 cups canola oil (I use coconut oil for all my baking now which gives a better flavor I think!)
3/4 unsweetened apple sauce
3/4 cup caramel sauce
2 tsp vanilla
3 eggs
1 1/2 cups butter milk

for frosting:
7 1/2 - 8 cups confectioners sugar
3/4 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup apple cider
3/4 tsp ground cinnamon

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour 2 (8 or 9 inch) round cake pans.
2. In a large bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon and salt. In a 2nd large bowl beat sugar and oil with electric mixer until combined. Add applesauce, caramel, and vanilla, beat for 30 seconds. Then add eggs 1 at a time. Add flour mixture in 3 parts alternating with buttermilk and beat until combined.
3. Pour batter into pans and bake 35-40 minutes.Let cool 10 minutes then remove from pans. Cool completely.
4. Frosting: Put sugar, butter, cider, cinnamon and salt into a large bowl and beat with an electric mixer for about 5 minutes. Frost cake and allow to sit one hour before serving. (I drizzled some of the extra caramel sauce on top!)

The Tooth Fairy Visits (finally)

The gap you can hardly see because his permanent teeth are already right there.

 

Ick! 

We've reached a milestone. On Sunday night Aaron yanked Jeremiah's bottom front baby teeth out. I couldn't watch. I have already declared this part of parenting Aaron's responsibility. Jeremiah was so excited! He immediately wanted to call people to tell them all about it so he called Oma & Opa, Grandmom & Grandad ,Uncle Ben & Aunt Ramona, and Uncle Will. He called his friend Carter the next day. 

There has been some confusion as to what the Tooth Fairy is supposed to do. We have never really discussed the Tooth Fairy so there hasn't been any real clarity about her role in this whole situation. At first Jeremiah read in a book somewhere that when he lost a tooth he got to put it under his pillow and make a wish. Then he was informed by someone else that the Tooth Fairy would bring him a dollar for each tooth. He was pretty excited about that. Then he decided that a wish was better and started to wish for all kinds of elaborate toys. So we decided to set a realistic expectation so that I wasn't dealing with a disappointed kid first thing on a Monday morning. We said that the Tooth Fairy brings a small treat the first time you loose a tooth and after that a dollar per tooth. So Jeremiah was pretty stoked when he woke up on Monday morning to find the Tooth Fairy had left him a deck of Star Wars playing cards and two dollars! 

It is so funny to hear a lisp in Jeremiah's normally clear and well enunciated speech. He sounds a bit like Daffy Duck any time he says a word with an "s" in it. De-th-pickable.

1000 Gifts - The 2012Joy Dare

The boys have wanted a pet for a long time. We keep putting it off for various reasons. This past week they "adopted" the stray cat that frequents our yard. They named it "Della" and play with it and want us to feed it. Nathaniel even let it in the house last week and was going to hide it from me. Yikes. 

Last week was rough. We dove straight back into school, keeping Jude, and also added another 5 year old boy to our household 3 days a week. I was wiped out by 4pm every day and in bed asleep before 9 most nights. Some things went well, and some things didn't go so well. There were moments when I was able to breathe deep and keep my cool and there were moments when I let impatience rule. 

I took up the 1000 Gifts count again. It is always in the back of my mind, but I find when I don't keep out a journal and physically write down the blessings I see they flit through my mind and are quickly forgotten. And here is a confession, the tone in our home has been a bit off lately. We are too quick to complain, whine, raise our voices, or speak impatiently. All of us. 

"A nail is driven out by another nail; a habit is overcome by habit." -Erasmus

So I take up the Joy Dare given by Ann Voskamp. The dare to count 1000 gifts in 2012. The dare to capture 3 gifts every day. Each gift a nail of grace driving out the nails of discontent, anger, and selfishness.  

January's Joy Dare:

5. something you're reading - Study on Galations by Tim Keller for my discipleship group, you're making - clean bathrooms, you're seeing - boys playing wild in the back yard, 65degree temps in december!

6. one thing in your bag- Burt's Bees chapstick, your fridge - the ingredients for weekly movie & pizza night, your heart - repentance, imperfect but learning

7. 3 graces from people you love - a hug from Aaron right in the middle of Costco, Nathaniel grabbing my hand and lisping "I love you mama!", forgiveness freely given by Jeremiah 

8. light that caught you - soft, gray, filtering light through bedroom windows on a rainy Sunday afternoon perfect for napping, a reflection that surprised you - me looking good in my dress pants that had been a tad snug but now fit well, a shadow that fell lovely - Aaron with me

5 Minute Friday - Roar

 

Joining 5 Minute Friday at The Gypsy Mama.

The Rules:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – don’t edit; don’t second-guess.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Must: leave a comment for the person who linked up before you – encouraging them in their writing!

Today's Prompt: Roar

GO 

I often roar, loud and ugly. I watch my kids shrink back as I roar red and mean. I want what I want. I want quiet and control and good behavior. I want a few minutes to myself. I want to roar. In that moment the roaring feels right and wrong. 

When did I become this person? This person who bullies with her roaring? This person willing to stomp all over the soft souls entrusted me in order to get my way? 

I do value words. I truly believe that "a soft answer turns away wrath" and that the words we speak imprint themselves and can either build up or tear down.  I see the damage my roaring does. I beg grace to cover my sin.

I fight the roaring, button my lips, swallow the loud. I breathe quiet desperate prayers begging for help. I wrestle with the roaring beast that threatens to erupt. When I wrestle it down and pin it hard I know that it is all grace. Only by resting in the love and security of the gentle Lion can I overcome my harsh roar. 

STOP

Consistency

"Just for today I will ask for his grace to be consistently consistent. I will create safe rhythms that our children can find security in. I will create daily ceremonies because every day we are CELEBRATING the gift of now."

(from 10 Grace Prayers for Joyful Parenting by Ann Voskamp.You can get a copy by clicking on the link.)

This quote by Ann Voskamp is posted in my kitchen. It's in a place where I spend so much time and find myself retreating to when I need a moment to breathe. Yesterday I stood in tears in my kitchen and just looked at it. Desperately needing for the grace to somehow transfer from the paper and seep into my soul, even more, to change my actions. 

We had gone from a quiet, restful Christmas week to a whirlwind of activity. Add to that the fact that we had basically not been back into our normal structure and routine since Thanksgiving and you have a recipe for disaster. Nathaniel had not had a nap in more days than I cared to count. Jeremiah was beside himself with excitement that we had another friend staying with us. Both boys were out of control and after a day of constant disciplining, time outs and reminders I was out of control too. I had lost it. I mean that in the most literal sense, I had yelled and slammed doors and thrown toys into boxes in a fit of anger. It was not pretty. I am exceedingly thankful for the grace and forgiveness my children showed me yesterday!

These words gracefully calmed my troubled spirit yesterday afternoon. It was obvious that the tone in our home was a direct result of our lack of structure the past month. If I keep my kids out past their bed time, spend our days running around and skipping naps, entertain them by sticking them in front of a screen, let them eat mostly sugar and other treats then how do I expect them to behave? If I keep myself up past my bedtime, spend the day running around with little rest, and eat mostly sugar and other treats then how do I expect myself to behave? 

We have been dealing with issues of whining, complaining, anger, and lack of self-control. While I do believe that these behaviors need to be addressed I can also see that these behaviors are a direct result of the way we have let our home and life become un-structured in the past month. So it is time for us to settle back in and focus on our daily rhythm. It is time to set up the structure that makes my kids feel secure. It is time for all of us to get enough sleep and eat nourishing food. It is time to use our brains and play games and read good books. 

When I first became a parent I inwardly chafed at the idea of being "stuck at home." But now I find myself craving the grace that comes from consistency and structure. I find joy in the routines that we establish to celebrate this life that is uniquely ours.

Christmas Catch-Up Part 1

 The blog was quiet around Christmas time. So it is time to play catch up. Here are some pictures from our Christmas week with Oma & Opa here.

A painting project in the works

Special breakfast on Christmas Eve morning

This year we had each boy choose a gift for the other brother. Jeremiah remembered going on a treasure hunt to find his presents last year and really wanted to do that for Nathaniel this year.  He and Aaron worked on this map.

 Nathaniel was super excited with the gifts that Jeremiah picked for him. Actually, the most played-with gifts of the year so far are the gifts that the boys picked for each other.

 

You never know what is going to show up in our Nativity scene.

The above 4 pictures are my favorite pictures from our Christmas Eve day. We chose to open presents on Christmas Eve day so that we could dedicate Christmas Day to the celebration of Christs birth. I love how these pictures accurately capture the essence of our day; restful, cozy, relationship building.

College friends

I graduated from Covenant College in 1998. That is 13 years and a lifetime ago. For 2 1/2 out of the 4 years I was at Covenant I shared a 4 person room with these 2 girls. They could tell you some stories! I didn't have sisters growing up so this college rooming experience was in a sense my introduction to sisterhood. I learned so much! As you can imagine our room was the scene of many crazy, fun, exciting moments as well as many dramatic, hurtful, growing moments. 

On Saturday night the 3 of us sat on a porch and chatted. The time was too short to fully catch up on each others lives but we made a valiant attempt. The last time we saw each other was 9 years ago at the wedding of another college roommate. Since then we have all had many life changes. And yet, we are in some ways unchanged. We spoke with the same mannerisms and shared the same laughter. As we talked it seemed unreal that 13 years had passed since we shared our daily lives. No matter how much time passes between our meetings there are things that these girls know about me that no one else can never fully know or understand.

I am really bad at maintaining long distance relationships. Life as a missionary kid with people constantly coming and going from my life has made me focus on the relationships that are right in front of me and present. Even though many years have passed since our last meeting the experiences I had with these ladies forms a constant bond because we played such a major role in each others lives during a very formative time of life. These are relationships worth maintaining. Let's not wait 9 years to meet again!

A New Year

After a quiet Christmas week we hit the ground running. Late nights. Lots of sugar. No structure. A recipe for disaster in this family. We spent yesterday in Athens, Georgia. A college roommate of mine was getting married and what a joy it was to celebrate with her! We stayed with friends (another roommate of mine from post-college years) and talked away the hours while our two boys played with their three girls. We caught up with another college roommate of mine. We laughed and reminisced and passed along news of college buddies and traded parenting war stories. We actually rang in the new year at a pub in downtown Athens with these old friends from two very different era's of my life, joined together by this mutual friend's wedding. A small world indeed.

Today my blog reader and Facebook feed are full of people setting goals or picking an inspirational word for the year or looking ahead to big things they have in store. Which is all great. But honestly, I am tired. I have no word for 2012. No inspiration. No new goals even. Right now just looking at my calendar for the week ahead and seeing it full of obligations is a tad overwhelming. I am hoping a good 10 hour night of sleep will help my perspective a bit.

I feel like 2011 was full of introspection and self-evaluation. I feel like God was pulling back layers of my heart and life and revealing what was beneath. I slowly but consistently worked on some areas in my life that needed improvement and discipline. So I don't feel the need to use January 1st as a day to start something new. Rather, I hope to quietly continue and build on the progress that I made in the year passed:

- To continue to wake before the kids to have communion with God.

- To continue to take care of my body through regular exercise and healthy, nutritious food.

- To continue to serve and love others selflessly. (How is that for a vague goal that can never be completely achieved or measured?!)

I am trusting the words of Philippians 1:6 & 9-11 to be true:

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus...And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

I haven't thought much about what this year will hold for us. We don't have any big plans. We know that God is in control and we can rest in His faithfulness and goodness for whatever 2012 may bring.