Nathaniel turns 4 years old

Jeremiah used some of his own hard earned money to buy his brother a gift.
I think it was appreciated.

A ukulele! "Now I can play with a band!"

Dear Nathaniel,
I blinked and here you are turning 4 years old! I know that I say this on every birthday but it really does seem like just yesterday that you were a warm, cuddly newborn. The years have flown by and turning 4 means that you truly are not a baby any more.
This past year has been a big year for you, son. You broke your collar bone. You mastered potty training. You decided that you wanted to be a part of our daily school time. You insisted you were big enough to sit through the church service with us instead of go to the nursery. You finally stopped getting up in the middle of the night to crawl into our bed.
Maybe it is because you are the youngest brother, but you are always in a hurry to grow up. This year you are insisting that on your birthday you will be turning 6. You try everything your brother tries. You skipped Veggie Tales, Elmo, Thomas, and Sesame Street and went straight to Spider Man and Star Wars. You participate eagerly in the foam weapon battles after church even though you are the smallest one on the field.
Yet even though you exhibit all the classic signs of "typical boy" (constantly dirty, pockets full of random treasure, running, jumping, squirming, weapons loving, loud talking, fearless) you have such a sweet, soft, loving spirit. You still need snuggles first thing in the morning. You still insist on sitting in my lap during Bible reading time after dinner. You still need countless hugs and kisses at bedtime. You still ask me to pick you up and hold you just because you want a hug. You give generously and forgive freely. Your heart is tender and your feelings easily wounded. You have a well developed sense of humor and love being the center of attention.
We love you son! Life with you is always exciting and full of fun. We can't wait to see how God will use all of your passion and enthusiasm to serve Him.

Nathaniel is learning his letters!

August 2007

When oma and opa were here 4 years ago, right before Nathaniel's birth, they bought this book for Jeremiah because they saw how interested he was in learning his letters. At 2 1/2 he was already recognizing letters and trying to sound out words. The book has little magnetic letters that a child is to use to match the words in the book. It is great for early letter recognition and spelling. I have almost gotten rid of it a number of times in our regular book purges, but it just seemed so useful that I hung on to it. Plus, opa and oma bought it so it has some sentimental value.

August 2011

This week Nathaniel has suddenly shown a great interest in learning to recognize letters so I decided to pull the book out during school time. Just look at this proud boy! Up until now my attempts at getting him to recognize letters have been met with joking around and calling every letter "C". Then, this week, something clicked. He was ready and has been on a roll ever since. I would say that now he is consistently recognizing and naming about 1/2 the letters in the alphabet. And while we work on recognition we work on the phonetic sounds as well. Might as well kill two birds with one stone right? So our Dr. Seuss' ABC's & Hop on Pop books which were so well loved by Jeremiah are being put to good use once again. Go, Nathaniel! Go!

A change from Pb&j

Yummy lunch of Lime-Cilantro Quinoa Salad & fresh green beans

I have struggled with my weight ever since I graduated from college. I have constantly fluctuated between 15-40lbs over my "ideal" weight. Controlling my eating habits and exercising on a regular basis are two areas in which I lack self-discipline. Recently I have realized that in order to make long lasting changes in both of these areas I need to just get started and take baby steps.

Thankfully this summer the eating part has gone better since we have started to really focus on eating whole, local foods. I enjoy eating fresh vegetables and fruit and they are both easy to find this time of year. I have also discovered some great recipes that I use for my lunches. One of my favorites is from 100 Days of Real Food (a terrific blog with lots of resources if you are trying to cut processed food out of your diet). The Lime-Cilantro Quinoa salad is fresh, nutritious and filling. A perfect summer time lunch. I have also made a Quinoa salad with cinnamon and dried cranberries which is also super yummy!

I am encouraged. In the past 2 weeks I have lost 4 pounds!

Lime-Cilantro Quinoa Salad
From 100 Days of Real Food, adapted from Joy of Cooking
Ingredients

Salad

• 3 cups cooked quinoa (1 cup dry)
• ¾ cup dried fruit (I usually have cranberries and raisins in the house so that is what I use)
  
• ¼ pine nuts, toasted (I usually have cashews in the house, but I add them to the salad right before I eat it so that they don't get soggy in the fridge.)
  
• ¼ cup cilantro, chopped
• 1 bell pepper of any color, diced

Dressing

• ¼ cup lime juice
• ¼ cup olive oil
• 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• Pinch of salt

Directions

1. Mix all salad ingredients together in a large bowl.
2. In a separate, smaller bowl whisk together all dressing ingredients.
3. Pour the dressing over the salad and mix thoroughly.
4. Can be stored in an air tight container in the fridge.

Yield: 6 – 8 servings

It doesn't have to be perfect...

When we spend a lot of time at home I suddenly get itchy to "beautify" things. I start cleaning and moving stuff around and generally trying to create a homey environment. Yesterday as Aaron was getting stuff for his classroom out of a closet he unearthed a piece of art that we have always loved but haven't hung up in this house because we were waiting for money to frame it. And because we weren't sure exactly where to put it. It's a big piece. A large, black and white woodcut print that reminds us of Lookout Mountain. We got it from a hippy guy we used to know in exchange for helping him move some stuff.

Today, I just decided to use thumbtacks and stick it up on the large, blank wall in our living room. I'm still not sure how I feel about it there. I think I like it. It is very large. And it is definitely the first thing the eye is drawn to when you come in the door. But, I don't really know what else we would do on that gigantic wall. I like how the black and white of the print tones down some of the brightness and busy-ness of the rug, even though the print itself is very busy. I don't know. We will live with it for a little while and see how we feel.
But, the moral is, don't wait for perfect to do something in your home that will make you happy. We would love to have this framed one day, but for right now, thumbtacks will do just fine.

1000 Gifts - 1st day of school

This day has been marked on my Google calendar for weeks: "First day of school." Even though learning has been happening all summer in various ways, for us there has to be a day when our structured school time returns. When asked by strangers, Jeremiah doesn't know what grade he is in, but we are working mostly on 1st grade material. Nathaniel is eager to learn his ABC's and numbers.
The day starts slow. Nathaniel rises early and Jeremiah sleeps late. The storms of the night before have ushered in the coolest morning we have had in weeks and I can't resist sending the boys out to play before the heat returns. Breakfast is fried eggs and homemade granola. Around 9am we take out the school things and Jeremiah decides he wants to do Math first. Nathaniel has a hard time doing some coloring on his own when I need to focus on Jeremiah. We move between the dining room table and the sunroom trying find a new rhythm with the new curriculum. We do a lot of reading snuggled up on the sunroom couch looking at bright, engaging books.
I manage to stay patient and calm, which is really my biggest goal for the morning. I breath deep and tell myself to stay present. Be fully here. Notice these moments that feel endless but really are fleeting.
Around 11am we are finished with the bulk of our work. We will do our "read-alouds" before nap time. I make a snack and send the boys to play again. Jeremiah dresses like a cowboy while Nathaniel puts on his Transformer costume. Some kind of battle is happening throughout the house as they attack a "super evil fly guy." I smile and start to think about preparing lunch. Home schooling is something I never planned on doing, but turns out it works pretty good for us right now.

Swimming!

I thought it notable that today is the day that Jeremiah swam on his own for the first time!

His biggest disappointment at soccer camp was that he had a red bracelet (to show the life guard that he couldn't swim) instead of a green bracelet. Yet, he has been reluctant to practice swimming with me. But we figured it out - goggles. Yep, turns out Jeremiah doesn't like getting water in his eyes (takes after his mother there) so we got him goggles and today he was eager to try. Aaron worked with him and in no time at all he was swimming short distances on his own!

I am so proud of him!

1000 Gifts - It takes discipline

Admission: This weekend I found it very hard to practice the numbering of gifts even in the midst of disappointment and emotional turmoil. I forgot at times to fight feeling with feeling and push back the anxiety with thanks. And I learned again why practicing thankfulness on a daily basis is not just a "nice" thing to do. It is the building of a discipline. To practice thankfulness on good days is what makes it second nature to practice thankfulness on bad days. The daily practice of stopping in a moment and counting it a gift builds the "knee jerk" reaction of counting gifts even when I feel tired, drained, and unhappy.
So tonight I took a deep breath and decided again to see and feel and number these moments here. To fight back against anxiety and unmet expectations and whirling churning thoughts. With these:
- Jeremiah praying for patience, evidence of the Spirit working
- Nathaniel's hugs
- Aaron's comforting arms
- friends who help and pray and ask good questions
- friends (and family) who call to check up
- people who really listen
- my mom
- prayer
- how Aaron still reaches to hold my hand in the car, even after all these years
- a chocolate milkshake
- a game of animal safari
- morning and evening prayers, a new ritual that grounds us
- planning Nathaniel's birthday party
- Nathaniel's joy and enthusiasm at being celebrated, his desire to just invite everyone he can think of
- two boys, clean from the shower, snuggled next to me while I read aloud

5 Minute Friday - Still

Joining The Gypsy Mama (who is actually at In-Courage today) for 5 Minute Friday. Five minutes to just write. Today's topic: Still

GO
I am in my car, sitting in disappointment while tears fall. I have an anxiety so deep that my stomach literally feels sick and I am emotionally off-kilter. I am wondering over the difference between my expectations and reality. Were my expectations that unrealistic?

I want to be still. Take time to process.

But the chaos of a normal life continues. I come home and am tackled by 2 little boys. Their needs immediate. Dinner must be made. Clothes must be folded. Boys still need showers and books at bedtime.

Finally when the house is still I crawl into bed. I lie still while tears leak. I ask my husband to hold me. Because I know he will. He is still and calm and the very presence of him brings peace. He doesn't try to fix, he just waits and loves, still.
STOP

1000 Gifts

- him, who dances with the boys despite the heat just because they want to
- Jeremiah with the camera strapped around his neck, framing shots
- Nathaniel's "cool pose"
- good music
- heat
- boys sweaty from fun and dancing
- large cup of coke brimming with ice
- enjoying an evening of fun and entertainment as a family
- enjoying each others company
- ice cream with the kids at Mr. T's - the same place I used to go for ice cream in college (over 13 years ago now! gasp!)
- listening to the boys sing along to Adele as we drive home through the dark
- holding hands

5 Minute Friday - Full

Joining The Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday - five minutes to write, no editing, no worrying about perfection.

Today's prompt: Full

GO

I know that I am supposed to feel full. But I feel empty.

This morning the first thing I saw on my computer, after a nourishing breakfast, were pictures of people starving in Somalia. Another famine.

I look around my home and know that I should feel full. But how am I supposed to feel full when others are empty?

How is it that all the good things I have today only serve as a reminder of what others don't have? How can I feel full when there are mothers today in Somalia who are watching their children waste away?

Yesterday I read a blog with a picture of a girl, 5 years old, who after just a few weeks of being transferred from an orphanage to a institution in an Eastern European country looks shorn and abused. Her eyes in the "before" picture bright and full of life. In the "after" picture her eyes gaze listlessly from my computer screen. How can I feel full when I think of all the children who will do not have families?

I don't know.

These are not the questions that have trite, quick answers. I wrestle and pray and forget and get reminded and try to seek God's will out of love not out of guilt.

Fill me God. My lasting fullness can only come from you.

STOP

Gearing up for 1st Grade

On Monday morning as I was doing my planning for the week I realized that our first day of school was in 3 weeks! The summer had flown by and it was time for me to start organizing and thinking about how we were going to put the Sonlight Curriculum into use on a daily basis. I also realized that I needed to get the right paper work from our Department of Education in order to "register" Jeremiah as schooling at home. In Georgia, once a child is 6 you have to officially register your intent to home school as well as keep attendance records that are submitted monthly.

Wednesday night I was up late coordinating Aaron's calendar, with the Sonlight curriculum (our calendar), and making sure that we would be getting the 180 school days required by Georgia. This was such a helpful exercise! I was able to map out everything on my handy Google Calendar and see our school year shape up.

I then began to think through what our "typical" day would look like. In our house everyone does better with a structure and routine in place. Especially when we are doing school. We usually do the more structured school time after breakfast and some play time. If they have had some time to play then the boys are ready to sit down and concentrate. We do the more intensive, instructor oriented subjects first and leave the things that can be worked on independently for quiet time or later in the day.

I give Jeremiah a 3x5 card with a list of what we need to get done that day, that way can see how we are progressing, and hopefully we are laying the foundation for him to work more and more independently as he grows. So far the flow of our day looks like this:
- History/Geography
- Language Arts
- Math
- Readers (Jeremiah reading aloud to me)
- Handwriting (during quiet time)
- Read-Alouds (before naps & bed)

I feel more ready to tackle the new school year now. At first I was a bit overwhelmed because the Sonlight curriculum will require more direct instruction from me (last year Jeremiah did many of his k12 lessons on the computer without my help). But I realized as I started to look through the Instructor's Guide that the subjects are broken down into manageable pieces and I am pretty sure that we will still be able to get the bulk of school done in the morning hours before lunch.

A few notes:
- We are not going to follow the Bible curriculum outlined by Sonlight. We are happy with what we do as a family for Bible so are going to stick with that. (More on that later!)
- We are not going to do Science every day. After much conversation with veteran home schoolers, public school teachers, and some research we have decided that doing Science every day is just too much. Most kids in public elementary school do Science lessons about 2x a week and many home schooling families don't start a formal Science curriculum until about the 3rd grade. So, we will do Science 1 day a week, completing 2 lessons a week. This will stretch our curriculum to 2 years. We also have the option of continuing to do Science during the summer when we have finished all of our other courses.
- I still have no idea what I am going to do with Nathaniel. He is super excited about school and has begun to show lots of interest in learning his letters. Today when I was talking to Jeremiah about what Language Arts was Nathaniel excitedly asked me, "Mama, are you going to teach me to write my own stories too! Please?!" So, I may have to work in the next few weeks on a simple schedule/curriculum to at least start with letter and number recognition. He does love doing read-alouds with us and I imagine he will be hanging around as we do History/Geography.

First Nightfall concert

The picture Jeremiah took
(Which is actually the right way around, Blogger is just giving me a fit tonight.)

The picture Nathaniel took
He has been fascinated with instruments lately so he wanted to take a picture of the band.

Chattanooga has a wonderful, free, concert series in the summer called Nightfall. Every Friday night people gather around an outdoor theater stage and listen to music. Sometimes the music is really good, sometimes it is only so-so, but the people watching and fun atmosphere are always great. This is the first time that we have ventured to take the boys. Well, that may not be entirely true, we may have taken Jeremiah when he was an infant, but that doesn't count. They seemed to enjoy it and even danced a little bit. But after awhile they were only interested in going to get the icecream we had promised them. All in all a good and inexpensive way to spend some time together as a family.

Book Review: Love & War Devotional for Couples

I have read a few of John Eldredge's books and have found them to be inspirational and helpful. This book Love & War Devotional for Couples was encouraging to me. John & Stasi Eldredge created this 8 week devotional to encourage couples to find joy and beauty in marriage through transformation of the heart in every day moments.

Practically laid out in 8 weeks, consisting of 5 days each, the brief individual devotionals begin with a Bible verse, have a short application, and end with a prayer and a more in-depth Bible verse. Each week ends with an exercise intended to help the couple dig deeper and apply what they have been learning during the week in real ways.

What I liked about this book was that it was easy to pick up and include in what I was already reading for my daily devotion times. While I didn't find any of the information to be new or earth-shattering it was encouraging to be reminded of Biblical truths about marriage. For me, most importantly the reminder that Satan wants to wage a war on my marriage and make me and my husband into enemies in order to tear us apart. I also found the exercises at the end of the week to be a good tool for learning how to relate more practically with my husband.

The idea behind this book is that it is possible (through the Spirit and God's grace) to have not just a good marriage, but a marriage that is rich and satisfying and full of joy.

I would recommend this book to a couple who desires to be reminded of Biblical truths for marriage, and who wants to put those truths into action. I would recommend this book for couples who have lost some joy and intimacy in their relationship. I would not recommend this book to couples who are struggling with deep and serious issues that need professional help.

Disclaimer: I received this book for free in order to review from the Blogging for Books program of WaterBrook Multnomah publishing company.

Learning to embrace neutrals

I never used to be a big fan of neutral colored paint on walls. I loved to express my personality with bright, colorful paint. I didn't quite get the whole "make walls and furnishings neutral and personalize with pops of color" decorating thing. But this house is changing my mind on that. After 2 years of living with a horribly ugly and busy wall paper in my kitchen I just couldn't take it anymore. On Thursday of the week I was sick I just started tearing out the wall paper. I spend so much time in the kitchen and the wall paper made the room feel cluttered and claustrophobic. I realized that the kitchen would need to be painted a neutral color because it connects to 4 rooms and there isn't that much wall space. So I was going for a color that was warm, yet neutral.

Before:

The wall paper, board across the top, and shelves in the alcoves made for a very busy and cluttered space. Not restful at all. And no matter what I did the kitchen always felt messy and untidy.

In process:

Just taking off that wall paper made such a huge difference! It already felt better in there even without paint on the walls. (The walls were nicotine stained, hence the brownish/yellow color. Yuck!)

After:

Ahh! So light and bright and uncluttered! This picture makes the paint look much yellower than it is. It is really a very neutral, creamy color (Gold Coast White by Glidden).
I took the opportunity to clear the clutter from off of my counters. I am lucky to have so much cabinet space that I can easily stash stuff out of sight.

I still have a few things that bring some color and personality into the room. This wall (where I cook and bake) has some colorful artwork as well as the inspiring reminders that I print and post on the cabinets. I also like to put pictures in cheap plastic frames so I can easily change them out and move them around. I like to pray for people I love while I am working. The stove is ancient (and cream colored) but still works fine, when it stops working it will be replaced with a white stove.

This little alcove area has the tendency to get very cluttered very fast because it is a convenient place to just drop stuff. My goal is to keep the counter top area cleared off.

The "turtle room" (our mudroom) which is visible through the door is always in a state of chaos no matter how hard we try to keep it clean and organized. Having the kitchen uncluttered keeps me from panicking and feeling overwhelmed with clutter in every room. Plus, we have a curtain on the door that I can close and block the view of the mess.

Late last year we took the shelves out of the alcoves and painted them with chalk board paint. I love it! I regularly change out the verses or inspirational quotes. It helps me keep some personal, yet inspiring touches in the room that I spend to much time it.

The kitchen is definitely not perfect. I really dislike the brass hardware on the cabinets, the counter tops are a strange fake marble laminate, and I am not particularly crazy about the finish of the cabinets. But for right now the simple change of color on the walls has made a big difference and transformed a room that used to leave me feeling anxious and overwhelmed into a room that feels bright, airy and calm. Now, if I could just get the kids to quit leaving their random Star War figures, Lego's and art projects on the counters...

What a difference a year makes

The picture on the left is Jeremiah 1 year ago, the picture on the right is Jeremiah today. The difference takes my breath away. In one year we have gone from having a cute cuddly little boy to a maturing young man. He is gaining a new independence and maturity. This summer I have glimpsed in his face and actions the man that Jeremiah is becoming. It's a beautiful, yet slightly heart wrenching, thing.

Soccer Camp Day 1: A mother's thoughts

Do you know what I see when I look at these pictures?
I see myself.
In the slight embarrassment of a boy whose parents insist on snapping pictures. In the excitement of embarking on a new adventure and another step toward independence. In the barely concealed anxiousness of the unknown-ness of the adventure.

This boy of mine is the same age that I was when I started boarding school. I don't have any memories of my first day of boarding school, but I know that I actually loved it. I loved the independence and being surrounded by kids of all ages. I loved living with my friends. Sure, there were moments of homesickness but in general I thrived at boarding school.

Today, I actually kept thinking about my mom and dad. As we drove away from Jeremiah my mind was racing, wondering if he would have fun, if the other kids would realize what a cool kid he was, if the camp counselors realized that I was leaving my treasure under their supervision? I was only leaving him for a day and I still felt like I was leaving a part of myself behind. And it hit me, my parents did this multiple times a year. Leaving me to be cared for by others, to develop my own independence. I had no idea of the pain they must have been in as I blithely and excitedly headed off to school to be separated from them for weeks at a time. I had no idea of the amount of faith it took for them to entrust me to the care of my houseparents but more importantly to God's care.

I breathed deep as we wound our way down country roads and back home. All day long I would breathe a quick prayer as I looked over and had to do a quick double take because I only saw one blond head instead of two. Because loosening the apron strings requires much faith and my hands and heart just want to grab tight.

Listen, I realize this is a tad melodramatic for a simple drop off at summer soccer camp. I get that. But, we home school, so this is my first experience of Jeremiah being gone all day, multiple days in a row, with a bunch of people I don't know so give me a break right? Smile.

time with nathaniel

I am gearing up for the coming week. Aaron is going to be gone all week helping to chaperon the annual youth group retreat. Jeremiah will be at soccer day camp, so I will be dropping him off in the morning and picking him up in the evening. That means that I will be spending a lot of one-on-one time with my little monkey. He is used to always having his brother as a playmate, so I am trying to plan some fun things for us to do together. I want him to feel like he had a special week too.

5 Minute Friday - Grateful

It's been a week of sick, and rest. I'm joining The Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday again. Five minutes to write, no editing, no perfection. :-)
Today's topic: Grateful

GO

I am rediscovering gratefulness this week. Re-learning how to give thanks and have joy in every moment.

Grateful for a summer cold that has slowed me down and made me rest. Grateful for a man who lets me sleep while he cares for children and home. Grateful for sleep and tea and vitamins and a comfy bed to cocoon in.

Grateful for re-reading books that are reminding me of my priorities. Grateful for the Spirit who speaks to my soul in the wee hours of the night, pulling me back to prayer and His Word and reliance on Him.

Grateful for new patience and self-control. Grateful for silly conversations and good fun with my oldest. Grateful for restful, individual time with my youngest.

Grateful for the summer afternoon thunderstorms that encourage us to keep cozy in our home with books and games and plain old togetherness.

Grateful for renewal.

STOP

Tubing

We have some very dear and generous friends who have been trying to get us out on their boat since last summer. Finally, this past Saturday the weather was right and our schedules aligned so we headed out for a day on the lake. The boys were so excited!
Nathaniel is our little dare-devil and in no time he was jumping off the back of the boat (while it was anchored and we were swimming), even falling backwards. He loves swimming! But to our utter amazement it was Jeremiah who just couldn't get enough of tubing. He wanted to go over and over again and his loud, contagious laugh could be heard over the roar of the engine.