Encouragement

There are some days when I wonder if we made the right decision to home school our children for now. Like this morning when it just seemed like no one was listening and I stormed out of the room frustrated.  Or the morning when we were supposed to be writing a compare/contrast paragraph and I realized that I had never taught Jeremiah the basics of paragraph writing. Mornings when the chaos in the house just seems to be too much and I wonder if anyone really is learning anything. Days when we take breaks and it seems as if we are just being lazy. 

Our family and friends are incredibly supportive and I rarely encounter negativity from others. My struggle is within myself. I think that I am not doing this right. I convince myself that someone else could do this better.

Then there are some days when I get thrilled down to my toes and I know that this is right. Like the day when Jeremiah insisted we by him a "Fiber Optics Lab" that he found on the sale table at The School Box. I wanted to put it back. Christmas was barely over and already all the new toys had been retired to a box in the corner. I felt like we didn't need more stuff. But Aaron and Jeremiah insisted and boy, was I proven wrong! Jeremiah spent the rest of that rainy Saturday afternoon building burglar alarms and light meters and an alarm clock. It has been the most played with "toy" in our house. I watched him read, comprehend, and follow complex directions. I watched him problem solve when something didn't work quite right. I watched him learn.

And last night I got a thrill when Jeremiah got close to beating Aaron in chess. He is getting much better. He is learning to think strategically and plan ahead. He is learning to concentrate. Then there is the life lesson of being gracious in defeat.

Or when Nathaniel walks up to a map and points out the countries we have been learning about. I get a thrill when I see him confidently showing off where Greece and Egypt and Mesopotamia are. (Yes, I know Mesopotamia is not a modern day country, but we are learning about ancient civilizations this year.) I realize in those moments that he is picking up on much more than I think he is during our shared learning times.

So, we keep at it. We read. We play. We write. We observe. We work. And I think we learn, even on the days that it looks like we are being lazy. Learning isn't confined to classroom hours. It happens as we live and explore this life together. For right now, this home schooling thing is right for us.

Caramel Apple Layer Cake with Apple Cider Frosting

Have you discovered Pinterest? If not, you should. It is basically a virtual bulletin board where you can "pin" things you want to remember when you run across them on-line. Since all the boards are public you can also see what other people are pinning. It is prettier that the bookmark folders and actually for me better organized since I can make up a bulletin board for various topics. There are beautiful and inspiring and helpful things on there. There are also crazy, ridiculous things on there.  It can also be a time-suck.

But...I have tried some new recipes that I found on Pinterest. I like to try a new dessert every Christmas. I usually prefer a dessert that contains chocolate. However, when I ran across this Caramel Apple Layer Cake with Apple Cider Frosting on A Hint of Honey I just had to try it. It was delicious! A very moist and tasty cake that is not too rich. One thing I would change next time is to make a cream cheese frosting. I am not a fan of super-sweet icing and this one was just a tad to sweet for me.

Caramel Apple Layer Cake with Apple Cider Frosting

3 3/4 cups all purpose flour
1 Tb baking powder
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups light brown sugar
3/4 cups canola oil (I use coconut oil for all my baking now which gives a better flavor I think!)
3/4 unsweetened apple sauce
3/4 cup caramel sauce
2 tsp vanilla
3 eggs
1 1/2 cups butter milk

for frosting:
7 1/2 - 8 cups confectioners sugar
3/4 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup apple cider
3/4 tsp ground cinnamon

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour 2 (8 or 9 inch) round cake pans.
2. In a large bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon and salt. In a 2nd large bowl beat sugar and oil with electric mixer until combined. Add applesauce, caramel, and vanilla, beat for 30 seconds. Then add eggs 1 at a time. Add flour mixture in 3 parts alternating with buttermilk and beat until combined.
3. Pour batter into pans and bake 35-40 minutes.Let cool 10 minutes then remove from pans. Cool completely.
4. Frosting: Put sugar, butter, cider, cinnamon and salt into a large bowl and beat with an electric mixer for about 5 minutes. Frost cake and allow to sit one hour before serving. (I drizzled some of the extra caramel sauce on top!)

The Tooth Fairy Visits (finally)

The gap you can hardly see because his permanent teeth are already right there.

 

Ick! 

We've reached a milestone. On Sunday night Aaron yanked Jeremiah's bottom front baby teeth out. I couldn't watch. I have already declared this part of parenting Aaron's responsibility. Jeremiah was so excited! He immediately wanted to call people to tell them all about it so he called Oma & Opa, Grandmom & Grandad ,Uncle Ben & Aunt Ramona, and Uncle Will. He called his friend Carter the next day. 

There has been some confusion as to what the Tooth Fairy is supposed to do. We have never really discussed the Tooth Fairy so there hasn't been any real clarity about her role in this whole situation. At first Jeremiah read in a book somewhere that when he lost a tooth he got to put it under his pillow and make a wish. Then he was informed by someone else that the Tooth Fairy would bring him a dollar for each tooth. He was pretty excited about that. Then he decided that a wish was better and started to wish for all kinds of elaborate toys. So we decided to set a realistic expectation so that I wasn't dealing with a disappointed kid first thing on a Monday morning. We said that the Tooth Fairy brings a small treat the first time you loose a tooth and after that a dollar per tooth. So Jeremiah was pretty stoked when he woke up on Monday morning to find the Tooth Fairy had left him a deck of Star Wars playing cards and two dollars! 

It is so funny to hear a lisp in Jeremiah's normally clear and well enunciated speech. He sounds a bit like Daffy Duck any time he says a word with an "s" in it. De-th-pickable.

1000 Gifts - The 2012Joy Dare

The boys have wanted a pet for a long time. We keep putting it off for various reasons. This past week they "adopted" the stray cat that frequents our yard. They named it "Della" and play with it and want us to feed it. Nathaniel even let it in the house last week and was going to hide it from me. Yikes. 

Last week was rough. We dove straight back into school, keeping Jude, and also added another 5 year old boy to our household 3 days a week. I was wiped out by 4pm every day and in bed asleep before 9 most nights. Some things went well, and some things didn't go so well. There were moments when I was able to breathe deep and keep my cool and there were moments when I let impatience rule. 

I took up the 1000 Gifts count again. It is always in the back of my mind, but I find when I don't keep out a journal and physically write down the blessings I see they flit through my mind and are quickly forgotten. And here is a confession, the tone in our home has been a bit off lately. We are too quick to complain, whine, raise our voices, or speak impatiently. All of us. 

"A nail is driven out by another nail; a habit is overcome by habit." -Erasmus

So I take up the Joy Dare given by Ann Voskamp. The dare to count 1000 gifts in 2012. The dare to capture 3 gifts every day. Each gift a nail of grace driving out the nails of discontent, anger, and selfishness.  

January's Joy Dare:

5. something you're reading - Study on Galations by Tim Keller for my discipleship group, you're making - clean bathrooms, you're seeing - boys playing wild in the back yard, 65degree temps in december!

6. one thing in your bag- Burt's Bees chapstick, your fridge - the ingredients for weekly movie & pizza night, your heart - repentance, imperfect but learning

7. 3 graces from people you love - a hug from Aaron right in the middle of Costco, Nathaniel grabbing my hand and lisping "I love you mama!", forgiveness freely given by Jeremiah 

8. light that caught you - soft, gray, filtering light through bedroom windows on a rainy Sunday afternoon perfect for napping, a reflection that surprised you - me looking good in my dress pants that had been a tad snug but now fit well, a shadow that fell lovely - Aaron with me

5 Minute Friday - Roar

 

Joining 5 Minute Friday at The Gypsy Mama.

The Rules:

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – don’t edit; don’t second-guess.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Must: leave a comment for the person who linked up before you – encouraging them in their writing!

Today's Prompt: Roar

GO 

I often roar, loud and ugly. I watch my kids shrink back as I roar red and mean. I want what I want. I want quiet and control and good behavior. I want a few minutes to myself. I want to roar. In that moment the roaring feels right and wrong. 

When did I become this person? This person who bullies with her roaring? This person willing to stomp all over the soft souls entrusted me in order to get my way? 

I do value words. I truly believe that "a soft answer turns away wrath" and that the words we speak imprint themselves and can either build up or tear down.  I see the damage my roaring does. I beg grace to cover my sin.

I fight the roaring, button my lips, swallow the loud. I breathe quiet desperate prayers begging for help. I wrestle with the roaring beast that threatens to erupt. When I wrestle it down and pin it hard I know that it is all grace. Only by resting in the love and security of the gentle Lion can I overcome my harsh roar. 

STOP

Consistency

"Just for today I will ask for his grace to be consistently consistent. I will create safe rhythms that our children can find security in. I will create daily ceremonies because every day we are CELEBRATING the gift of now."

(from 10 Grace Prayers for Joyful Parenting by Ann Voskamp.You can get a copy by clicking on the link.)

This quote by Ann Voskamp is posted in my kitchen. It's in a place where I spend so much time and find myself retreating to when I need a moment to breathe. Yesterday I stood in tears in my kitchen and just looked at it. Desperately needing for the grace to somehow transfer from the paper and seep into my soul, even more, to change my actions. 

We had gone from a quiet, restful Christmas week to a whirlwind of activity. Add to that the fact that we had basically not been back into our normal structure and routine since Thanksgiving and you have a recipe for disaster. Nathaniel had not had a nap in more days than I cared to count. Jeremiah was beside himself with excitement that we had another friend staying with us. Both boys were out of control and after a day of constant disciplining, time outs and reminders I was out of control too. I had lost it. I mean that in the most literal sense, I had yelled and slammed doors and thrown toys into boxes in a fit of anger. It was not pretty. I am exceedingly thankful for the grace and forgiveness my children showed me yesterday!

These words gracefully calmed my troubled spirit yesterday afternoon. It was obvious that the tone in our home was a direct result of our lack of structure the past month. If I keep my kids out past their bed time, spend our days running around and skipping naps, entertain them by sticking them in front of a screen, let them eat mostly sugar and other treats then how do I expect them to behave? If I keep myself up past my bedtime, spend the day running around with little rest, and eat mostly sugar and other treats then how do I expect myself to behave? 

We have been dealing with issues of whining, complaining, anger, and lack of self-control. While I do believe that these behaviors need to be addressed I can also see that these behaviors are a direct result of the way we have let our home and life become un-structured in the past month. So it is time for us to settle back in and focus on our daily rhythm. It is time to set up the structure that makes my kids feel secure. It is time for all of us to get enough sleep and eat nourishing food. It is time to use our brains and play games and read good books. 

When I first became a parent I inwardly chafed at the idea of being "stuck at home." But now I find myself craving the grace that comes from consistency and structure. I find joy in the routines that we establish to celebrate this life that is uniquely ours.

Christmas Catch-Up Part 1

 The blog was quiet around Christmas time. So it is time to play catch up. Here are some pictures from our Christmas week with Oma & Opa here.

A painting project in the works

Special breakfast on Christmas Eve morning

This year we had each boy choose a gift for the other brother. Jeremiah remembered going on a treasure hunt to find his presents last year and really wanted to do that for Nathaniel this year.  He and Aaron worked on this map.

 Nathaniel was super excited with the gifts that Jeremiah picked for him. Actually, the most played-with gifts of the year so far are the gifts that the boys picked for each other.

 

You never know what is going to show up in our Nativity scene.

The above 4 pictures are my favorite pictures from our Christmas Eve day. We chose to open presents on Christmas Eve day so that we could dedicate Christmas Day to the celebration of Christs birth. I love how these pictures accurately capture the essence of our day; restful, cozy, relationship building.

College friends

I graduated from Covenant College in 1998. That is 13 years and a lifetime ago. For 2 1/2 out of the 4 years I was at Covenant I shared a 4 person room with these 2 girls. They could tell you some stories! I didn't have sisters growing up so this college rooming experience was in a sense my introduction to sisterhood. I learned so much! As you can imagine our room was the scene of many crazy, fun, exciting moments as well as many dramatic, hurtful, growing moments. 

On Saturday night the 3 of us sat on a porch and chatted. The time was too short to fully catch up on each others lives but we made a valiant attempt. The last time we saw each other was 9 years ago at the wedding of another college roommate. Since then we have all had many life changes. And yet, we are in some ways unchanged. We spoke with the same mannerisms and shared the same laughter. As we talked it seemed unreal that 13 years had passed since we shared our daily lives. No matter how much time passes between our meetings there are things that these girls know about me that no one else can never fully know or understand.

I am really bad at maintaining long distance relationships. Life as a missionary kid with people constantly coming and going from my life has made me focus on the relationships that are right in front of me and present. Even though many years have passed since our last meeting the experiences I had with these ladies forms a constant bond because we played such a major role in each others lives during a very formative time of life. These are relationships worth maintaining. Let's not wait 9 years to meet again!

A New Year

After a quiet Christmas week we hit the ground running. Late nights. Lots of sugar. No structure. A recipe for disaster in this family. We spent yesterday in Athens, Georgia. A college roommate of mine was getting married and what a joy it was to celebrate with her! We stayed with friends (another roommate of mine from post-college years) and talked away the hours while our two boys played with their three girls. We caught up with another college roommate of mine. We laughed and reminisced and passed along news of college buddies and traded parenting war stories. We actually rang in the new year at a pub in downtown Athens with these old friends from two very different era's of my life, joined together by this mutual friend's wedding. A small world indeed.

Today my blog reader and Facebook feed are full of people setting goals or picking an inspirational word for the year or looking ahead to big things they have in store. Which is all great. But honestly, I am tired. I have no word for 2012. No inspiration. No new goals even. Right now just looking at my calendar for the week ahead and seeing it full of obligations is a tad overwhelming. I am hoping a good 10 hour night of sleep will help my perspective a bit.

I feel like 2011 was full of introspection and self-evaluation. I feel like God was pulling back layers of my heart and life and revealing what was beneath. I slowly but consistently worked on some areas in my life that needed improvement and discipline. So I don't feel the need to use January 1st as a day to start something new. Rather, I hope to quietly continue and build on the progress that I made in the year passed:

- To continue to wake before the kids to have communion with God.

- To continue to take care of my body through regular exercise and healthy, nutritious food.

- To continue to serve and love others selflessly. (How is that for a vague goal that can never be completely achieved or measured?!)

I am trusting the words of Philippians 1:6 & 9-11 to be true:

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus...And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

I haven't thought much about what this year will hold for us. We don't have any big plans. We know that God is in control and we can rest in His faithfulness and goodness for whatever 2012 may bring.

5 Minute Friday - Open

So many thoughts and emotions have been swirling around in my head. So much so that I can't write. So the blog was quiet over Christmas even though my thoughts were not always as quiet. Five Minute Friday at The Gypsy Mama provides the perfect opportunity to just get something out without worrying about perfection (or even sense?).

Today's Prompt: Open

GO

I have struggled to be open. It does not come easy for me to open my heart, open my emotions, open my fingers that are clenched tight around the illusion of control.

But as I think on this year past I realize that I am slowly being cracked open. Lovingly and gently in some ways. Quickly and painfully in others. I think of friendships that are deep and nourished with the food of real struggles and real prayers in the midst of the real messy and glory of life. I think of ways I have opened my heart to redemption and healing. I think of ways that God has quietly opened my heart to His Spirit. And I see ever so slowly my fingers loosening their grip and my hands slowly opening to what is and what will be.

STOP

Quiet Christmas

It has been a quiet Christmas. Relaxing days at home enjoying our Christmas decorations and some of our own holiday traditions. What a treat it was to have my mom and dad here! It was so special to have them in our home for this holiday. Unfortunately we all got some form of a stomach virus, so that made our Christmas week even more relaxed and quiet. We are ending this week with a trip out of town for a wedding so we are spending this week taking down the Christmas decorations and getting ourselves organized before the crazy, full, routine of real life begins again. We are ready for our normal schedule to resume, it seems like we have been on the go, sick, or out of sync since before Thanksgiving.

Shark Teeth

We interupt Christmas and Advent traditions to bring you this developmental update:

Jeremiah finally has a lose tooth! 

To fully understand the excitement of this you need to understand that Jeremiah will be 7 in February and is the last of his friends to lose a tooth. All of his friends, many who are younger than him, have already been losing teeth and Jeremiah has been waiting and waiting. Last night I noticed that his teeth were looking a little plaque-y and so I asked Aaron to give them a good brushing. Aaron discovered a permanent tooth poking up behind Jeremiah's baby teeth! But none of his baby teeth were the least bit loose. A quick Google search (after a slight freak-out by me) revealed that this is a fairly common condition called "shark teeth" and that as long as his baby teeth fall out within the next 3 months there is no real problem and no need for pulling teeth.

Today at lunch I asked Jeremiah to start wiggling his teeth to see if he could get them loosened up. That's when he discovered that one of his teeth is now in fact loose! He is so excited and wants to call all of his friends to inform them of this event. This Christmas all Jeremiah wants is to lose a tooth. :-)

Making Ornaments

 Both boys hard at work.

 Little fingers...

Nathaniel with his finished ornaments. 

He said, "Look mama! Now I am a REAL artist!"

 Jeremiah with his finished ornaments.

 All the ornaments.

Jeremiah's hand print. Proudly displayed front and center on the tree.

 

Nathaniel's hand print. Also front and center, but near the top. 

I've said it before, I dislike doing crafts with my kids. Patience is not one of my virtues, and it takes a lot of patience to do crafts with kids. But, I really wanted them to make ornaments this year. And I am trying to do better about doing things that they enjoy even though it isn't enjoyable for me (example: hours and hours of playing Uno). I ran across a salt dough recipe that was easy and decided to just go for it. Really, this was a simple craft and the boys LOVED it. This seemed like a good week to get creative since we have severely limited screen time in an attempt to get control of a beast that we have allowed to get out of control. We made the salt dough ornaments on one day, then painted them the next day. Some of these are gifts and some are for our tree. I am glad that I took the time to do this with the boys. It was a fun and easy way to get some creative juices flowing.

A simple task

 Yesterday my only goal was to go from this:

to this!

 

I am not a perfectionist when it comes to house keeping. But there are certain areas that once they get cluttered cause me stress, which causes me to feel over whelmed, which causes me to be grouchy and irritable. This little counter space in my kitchen is one of those areas. It is in a high traffic zone and stuff just collects there. When it gets cluttered it causes me a lot of stress because I see it all the time; when I walk in the back door, when I am walking through the kitchen, when I am sitting in the dining room trying to enjoy a meal. 

I love it when one simple, de-cluttered area can change my mood so drastically!

Our Christmas Card

Photo Card

View the entire collection of cards.

Our Christmas cards are ordered and will hopefully be in the mail soon!
I think it accurately reflects life in our house, no? 
I love getting real mail and Christmas cards are some of my favorite mail to send and receive. Our refrigerator gets covered with photo cards in December and I leave them up all year long to remind myself to pray for those we love. This year I went with Shutterfly because I had a few other projects I was working on and they had some great deals.

Christmas Traditions

 We have a couple of things that have become tradition for our little family. Because I was so sick last week and completely lacking in any kind of energy we really have taken a step back and simplified this Advent season. Our number one priority is to do our Jesse Tree readings in the evening. Any thing besides that is nice, and fun, but not necessary to us having a "good" Christmas (whatever that means). However, there are 2 things that have become tradition for us that we were able to quietly and calmly do last week.

 The Christmas Parade

We live one block off of  Main Street, so attending the Christmas parade has become a fun tradition. This year the boys and Aaron went without me because I was just too worn out to go. But they had a good time.

Decorating Our Christmas Tree

We have evolved to the tradition of doing this on an evening with hot chocolate and Christmas music on. This year I was able to totally let go and let the boys do all the decorating while I enjoyed the scene from the couch.

Aaron explains to Nathaniel what one of his ornaments is.

Every year the boys get an ornament from their Rapier grandparents. This is tradition in the Rapier family. It is so fun to look through the ornaments and explain to the boys why they are significant and what memories are attached to them.

 Jeremiah gets some helping reaching a top branch.

 Nathaniel gets to help put on the star.

The finished product!

 Look at these handsome boys!

Jeremiah with his favorite ornament:

Baby's 1st Christmas (which for him was December 2005)

 

Nathaniel with his favorite ornament: a monkey!

5 Minute Friday: Tired

Joining The Gypsy Mama again for 5 Minute Friday.  Five minutes of flat out writing. No editing.
Today's prompt: Tired

GO

It hits me on Wednesday morning. Exhaustion. Sick. I spend the day in bed while boys watch tv and play video games and generally make mayhem around me. 

Husband stays home from work on Thursday so that I can visit the doctor and try to rest some more. I take my second round of antibiotics in less than a month. I stay cocooned in bed while husband tends to house and boys. I cancel upcoming weekend plans that were made. I ignore the unrestrained wrestling that is happening in the living room. I watch a chick flick. I drink copious amounts of tea. I sleep long and deep as afternoon sun streams through the windows.

I am too tired even to battle against the piles of laundry. Too tired to worry about grimy bathrooms. Too tired to worry about my ideals and plans for the holiday season that is here and me still unprepared. I blissfully ignore blogs with titles proclaiming how I can be prepared and stress-free and creative and frugal this holiday season. We can still have a lovely, meaningful Advent and Christmas if I just ignore all of that and do what I can do in the weeks ahead. Let go of expectation and just live in each moment.

I realize suddenly that it took tired to bring me to surrender.

STOP