Kids in the kitchen

Jeremiah reads the recipe and instructions.

Mashing the banana's

Nathaniel really just wanted to eat.

Working together. Two sweet boys on their tip-toes.

Stirring it all up.

Oooooh...watching it bake.

The finished product! Smile and say "banana bread!!"

Honestly, I don't like having my kids help me in the kitchen. I know that in order to be a good mom, etc. I am supposed to let them help in the kitchen. But I know the limits of my patience and they do not extended to having boys under my feet while I am cooking, making big messes that I have to clean up. But the origins of that are for another time.

Yesterday Jeremiah found a recipe for Big Bird's Banana Bread in a library book and he insisted that we make it. We actually had fun doing this. (I measured everything in advance and put it in little bowls like on a cooking show.) It was an easy, nutritious, and good. I am sure this will get made again.

(Yes I know, Jeremiah's hair has not been combed. And yes, he wears his pirate t-shirt almost every day.)

Big Bird's Banana Bread
3 peeled, ripe banana's
3/4 cup honey
1/4 cup melted butter
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour

1. Put peeled bananas in a bowl and mash with the back of a fork.
2. Add melted butter.
4. Add rest of ingredients and stir until mixed together.
5. Pour into oiled bread pan.
5. Bake at 350 for 1 hour.

Embarassing my past teenage self

I was not the kind of teenager who was secure in my own skin and content to be an individual. I was convinced that everyone was watching me and judging my every move. Maybe the fact that my childhood was so radically different from anyone I knew made me desperately want to be your average Gap clothed teenager who you couldn't pick out in a crowd.

So you can image that I hated shopping at thrift stores. I would get embarrassed and frustrated and just wish that we could go to the mall like everyone else. I would pick through the racks as quickly as I could, throw what I wanted into a bag and jet out of there before anyone I knew could see me. (Never mind that many of my friends shopped at thrift stores.)

Fast forward 20 years and now that I am in charge of my own household and finances I love shopping at thrift stores. As I learn to stretch Aaron's teaching salary I am constantly amazed at the name-brand, good quality things that I can find for a fraction of the price if I just take the time to look.

Yet, aside from all the practical reasons for shopping at thrift stores the main reason I enjoy it is the surprise factor. Sometimes I find little fun things that just make me happy and that I wouldn't normally buy (especially at retail price). What do you think my teenage self would have thought of my 33 year old self getting all excited and squealing with glee in the Goodwill when I saw this Dr. Seuss step stool for only $3.99?! I'm sure she would have rolled her eyes, shrugged her shoulders, and gone to the other end of the store - which is probably what my boys will do in a few years.

Asking for joy

Ask and you shall receive, that your joy may be full. - John 16:24

"Jesus wants me to be a happy, joyous disciple. He revealed the Good News of my redemption and the promise of eternal life to fill me with a joy which this world cannot give.
As he himself said: 'All this I tell you that my joy may be yours, and your joy may be complete.' (John 15:11)
Today, Jesus, I do come to 'ask' and 'receive' what you promised. In my prayer I ask that I may be filled with a deep, quiet, interior joy and become a channel of joy to everyone along the path I travel.
'Rejoice in the Lord always! I say it again. Rejoice!' (Phillipians 4:4)"
- from Follow Me: A Daily Guide to Scriptural Prayer by David E. Rosage

I will admit that my personality tends toward legalism. I turn grace into religion, a list of rules I can try to keep and a checklist of things that I need to do. My heart is never satisfied with this but sometimes it seems easier.

After a difficult day yesterday I woke with a sigh. My mind was already running through the things I wanted to do today. My heart was already dreading the sacrifices I knew I would have to make in order to parent my boys and love my husband. I knew that I was supposed to see blessings in all, to keep counting the gifts even in the midst of sickness and mess and weariness. But honestly, trying to dredge up joy just seemed like something else I had to do in order to be a good Christian.

Then I read the above devotional. I felt tears well behind my eyelids as this wonderful truth flooded my spirit. I can ask God for joy! He loves me so deeply His Son died to cover all my dirty sin, even the ugly sins I committed just yesterday evening. Then I start to smile and feel irrational joy start to quietly push aside my attitude of tired resignation because, oh joy!, I know the dark ugliness of my sin and I marvel at the depth of love to completely cover it.

And just like that showing love and grace to my family becomes a delight and joy for me, not because I have to do it but because I want them to experience the love and grace that I feel.

Love is not easy

Before I became a mother no one told me I would have days in which:

- My 2 year old has horrible diarrhea, continues to eat like normal, and then vomits up everything he ate that day in the middle of nap time.

- My best laid plans of cleaning and working out fall by the wayside so that I can keep up with said diapers and vomit.

- All I want is to take a shower and make myself presentable before my husband gets home but I don't want to leave said 2 year old alone (for obvious reasons).

- My 4 year old desperately needs some one-on-one attention and I (selfishly) just can't seem to summon the energy.

- I speak ungraciously ("just wait one minute!") to said 4 year old when he asks for my help on his spelling work sheet causing his eyes to well with tears and him to leave the room with bowed head and resulting in heart stabbing grief for me.

So today my lesson in learning to love involved gently caring for a sick child without complaining about the dirty messes I had to clean up and putting aside my wants in order to give another child what he needed. There is nothing in the famous love verses of 1 Corinthians 13 that promise that love is easy.

1000 Gifts (8)

Last week was quiet. We stayed home all week just hanging out. In the past I may have been bored or anxious for life to be more exciting. But taking a minute at the end of each day to count my gifts made my heart overflow with thankfulness for all the goodness and beauty there is in the daily, simple moments of this life.

- warm sun, being outside!
- Nathaniel's spontaneous, "I wuv u mama!"
- the boys enjoying the food I made
- a chat with mom
- exercise
- yoga class, a stretched invigorated body
- knowing that dinner tomorrow is being prepared by someone else
- an organized linen closet
- lego's
- Jeremiah's sweet and immediate desire to comfort his brother when he fell
- grace-filled encouragement from a wise woman
- an impromptu dinner with friends, practicing hospitality
- watching Jeremiah take joy in entertaining a younger child
- Aaron and the boys dancing crazy together
- the boys excitement for Sunday school to resume
- watching Nathaniel give out many hugs at church, he is full of love
- tears during worship

I am numbering my gifts in my private journal. I choose some to share here. In my journal I am up to 172.

Who is this for anyway?

I continue to struggle in the area of consistent, loving, heart oriented discipline of my children. Some days go really well and some days just unravel and I feel completely out of control and out of my depth.

"Outward behaviors are only the manifestation of the real problem, which lies in the heart."
- Ginger Plowman

I have been challenged to use the Bible more and more in the correction and training of the boys. I believe that God's Word is powerful and effective and will speak much better to the hearts of my children than my words will. And yet in the middle of a discipline situation my mind goes blank and I sputter out lectures and arguments.

This week I copied verses from Ginger Plowman's Wise Words for Moms onto 3x5 cards. Each category of verses is in a different color (disobedience is blue, whining is orange, selfishness is pink etc.) with the verse written on one side of the card and the category on the other. I then put all the cards in a bowl in the middle of dining room table. Now, when I need to step in and use discipline in a situation the verses are right at my fingertips. They keep me focused on the goal of discipline (the heart, not authoritarian control). I am also able to give Jeremiah the cards so he can sit and read and think about his behavior himself. We are also working on memorizing one verse per week.

I started this "project" with visions of productive discipline solutions and compassionate, well-behaved children. But you know what? The same Word that I am praying will speak the heart of my children is speaking to my heart. Verses like:

Honor one another above yourself. - Romans 12:10
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths. - Galatians 4:29
Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control. - Proverbs 25:28

As I continue this journey of learning to discipline my children I find my own heart being disciplined and convicted. This parenting thing is turning out to be much more than I bargained for.

who needs tv?

I will admit that we have been using TV as a crutch the past month or so. Before Christmas the weather was so cold and there was so much to get done that the boys watched at least 1 (and most of the time 2) videos per day. While we were in Philadelphia they watched a few PBSkids shows every morning while Aaron and I got ready and cleaned up. When we got back I was so sick and tired (and it was so cold) that the boys watched many videos so that I could rest.

I am not against my kids watching TV. I think that there are times in life when TV has its place. However, I want to guard against it becoming a crutch for me and a given for the boys. So I knew that this week it was going to be time to cut back on the TV watching. And I will admit that I was a bit worried about that process. I prayed for extra grace, patience, and creativity.

God is so good in answering even the smallest and most selfish of prayers! The boys have not watched any movies since Friday and yet we have still managed to fill the days with things to do. The greatest blessing has been the warming temperatures. With their new found independence and creative play together the boys have been able to go out into the back yard and happily play without my constant supervision. They have been going on expeditions, finding dragons, feeding lions, hiding from wolves, and filling their treasure boxes. Who needs TV when there is all of that to do in our own back yard?

1000 Gifts (7)

- energy to tackle household chores and responsibilities again after 10 days of sick (Nathaniel sorts his toys into new storage bins.)

- friends for my boys (Eli's 3rd birthday!)

- friends of ours who love our kids
- worship, real and soul feeding back at the church we call home
- clean kitchen counters
- the kindness of the librarians to the boys
- realizing my life is here, in this small southern town, and it is good
- homemade granola
- a made bed
- skype
- making Lilly smile
- knowing Aaron is locking up the house and on his way to bed
- thinking
- a quiet moment on a rainy saturday afternoon to read, sip tea, and journal
- our morning Psalm, read together and giving us proper focus for our day.
Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.
Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. - Psalm 32:1-2
- sermon reminding me of God's grace which is bigger than my big, big sin

I've been absent from this for a few weeks with holiday traveling and then all the sickness we have had. But I have been slowly continuing to count my gifts in my journal and I am up to 138! God is good.
I strongly encourage you to check out the link to Ann Voskamp's blog. Beautiful photography and timeless truths. You will be encouraged.

The irony

The irony is that on the morning when I feel my energy surge back, the weather warms, and I want to leave the house for the first time in 2 weeks, my little boys instead play together for 2 hours (!). They run around half clothed making up little games that only they know the rules to. I hear chattering. Jeremiah bosses Nathaniel because that is what big brothers do. Nathaniel, who is grateful to be given so much attention, goes along with all of Jeremiah's instructions. Matchbox cars are involved as are constructed potato heads and random zoo animals.
Even though I am itching to get out of this house I sit quietly and let them play. The tears well briefly in my eyes because the moment is beautiful. I am thankful for their growing bond - boys becoming brothers.

My goal for 2010

On new year's eve my mom asked us if we had any goals or resolutions for the coming year. I didn't answer because I always have so many goals floating around in my head it was hard to sort through them. Believe me, I am more than aware of my many shortcomings and areas that need improvement.

I know that I need to practically serve my husband better. I know that I need to be more disciplined about rising early and making the most of my days. I know that I need to be more involved and present with my children. I know that I need to stop yelling so much. I know that I need to serve others more. I know that I need to manage my finances better. I know that I need to exercise and loose weight. I know that I need to spend more time in communion with God.

Then I realized the other day that it all boils down to this:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - I Corinthians 13:4-6

This year I want to learn to love better.

If I have a clean and most beautifully decorated house but have not love...
If I have well behaved and intelligent children but have not love...
If I have a healthy, skinny body but have not love...
If I live debt free, have a full savings account, and give my extra money to the poor but have not love...
If I rise early, complete my daily tasks and accomplish much but have not love...

So that's it for me. Love.

I know that this is not really a measurable goal and that the practicalities of it will look different every day. I know too that it is a goal that will take a lifetime, not just one year.

People we love!

Back...sort of...

We did actually make it back from Philly. We drove last Saturday and actually made really good time. But since then I have been sick in bed with a horrible sinus infection, Jeremiah had bronchitis, and Nathaniel the remnants of allergy/infection stuff. Thankfully Aaron has been well and taking care of us.
I have many pictures to download and things to post, but I haven't even had the energy to change my clothes, so all that will have to wait.
We had a good time though. Despite various people being sick and not all things happening as planned it was good to be together. The boys got lots of love and attention. What a blessing it was to get to spend the holidays together!

On the road again...

Well, I said I was signing off until the new year.
Lucky for you we got a new camera.
Smile.
Seriously, the past few days have been a whirlwind of activity. Our weekend was full of parties, visiting and shopping. The past 2 days have been full of cleaning, laundering, wrapping and packing. For better or for worse we are poised to leave at 5am tomorrow morning. This morning Nathaniel kept insisting that he wanted to "Go Will and Mar-ana's house right NOW!"

Signing off for Christmas!

We have a busy few days ahead before we head to Philadelphia on Wednesday. We are so excited to be spending Christmas with my siblings and then welcoming oma & opa a few days later! We will not be back until 2010!
In order to keep our sanity I am going to be stepping away from the computer for awhile. There will be plenty of time to comb through photo's and make blog updates when we get back. I want to really savor our time away and make the most of every minute with family that we so rarely get to see. (Plus, keeping the kids on schedule, happy, and occupied will take some time.)
In the meantime, I have re-discovered this hymn. I heard it this week and was struck by the incredible truth in it's words. Jesus coming to earth was just part of the redeeming story!
We hope you have a Merry Christmas enjoying food, fun, and family and also reflecting on the depth and joy of our salvation! The Light has come!

As with gladness, men of old
Did the guiding star behold
As with joy they hailed its light
Leading onward, beaming, bright
So, most glorious Lord, may we
Evermore be led to thee.

As with joyful steps they sped
To that lowly manger bed
There to bend the knee before
Him Whom heaven and earth adore;
So may we with willing feet
Ever seek Thy mercy seat.

As they offered gifts most rare
At that manger rude and bare;
So may we with holy joy,
Pure and free from sin's alloy,
All our costliest treasures bring,
Christ, to Thee, our heavenly King.

Holy Jesus, every day
Keep us in the narrow way;
And, when earthly things are past,
Bring our ransomed souls at last
Where they need no star to guide,
Where no clouds Thy glory hide.

In the heavenly country bright,
Need they no created light;
Thou its Light, its Joy, its Crown,
Thou its Sun which goes not down;
There forever may we sing
Alleluias to our King!
-William C. Dix, 1867

Keeping it simple

Cookie decorating...

It is no secret that I am not really a perfectionist. But, there are some areas of life in which I put a lot of pressure on myself, mostly because I care too much about what others will think or say about me if I am not perfect in those areas.
This year, Aaron and I decided early (before Thanksgiving) that we did not want the whole holiday season to get hectic, stressful, or cost more than we could afford. We realized that having 2 young children who get slightly crazy when their schedules are changed too much means that we as their parents have to be intentional about slowing down. We had to limit activities and be able to say "no" to things.
I also had realized that I had to let go of perfection. I had to be willing to let people see the real us (laundry waiting to be folded and dishes in the sink included).
So we prioritized. We tried to plan to be home most weeknight evenings. We made time for down-time and alone time as well as fun, family, friend time.
I realized that if I was going to have people over I had to let go of my "Better Homes & Gardens" visions of the house and focus on clean bathrooms and made beds. If we were going to host a holiday party I was going to have to relax and let people bring food, trusting that there will always be more than enough.
Today I am so thankful that we prepared ourselves in this way because this week, after not being sick all Fall, we have been sick. The boys have both had random (and thankfully short lived) fevers and I have had a cold. And the last rush to Christmas is about to begin. We have a party here on Friday night, Saturday spent in Atlanta with extended family, and leaving for Philly on Wednesday.
I know there is a lot to do. But I am inexplicably not really stressed about it. I feel kind of like when the boys decorate cookies - it may be messy, it may not be perfect, but it sure is good!

Our Advent - the Jesse Tree

We started doing Advent readings as a family last year. We found it such a great way to as a family carve out quiet time in which we could focus on the coming of Christ. We knew we wanted to continue the tradition but I wanted to find some way to do Advent readings that would be more interactive for the boys.
I had heard and read about the concept of a Jesse tree and after finding out that one of my favorite blog authors had written a Jesse tree devotional I decided we should try it. I must say, it has been a blessing to us.

What is a Jesse Tree?
There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse, and a branch from his roots shall bear fruit. And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him, and the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord. - Isaiah 11:1-2
The name comes from the verse, the idea being that Jesus is the fulfillment of the prophecy. As we walk through the waiting of Advent we read stories from the Old Testament that point to the coming of Christ. Following the history of the Bible shows us the need for the Savior. The world's need for redemption as well as our own.

How we do our Jesse Tree.
There are many ways to do a Jesse tree. There are many different devotionals. I chose The Glorious Coming: A Jesse Tree Advent Celebration by Ann Voskamp because I liked the writing style (reminds me of Walter Wangerin & Frederick Buechner, favorites from my growing years) and because the e-book came with print outs for the tree ornaments. Some families make and/or collect ornaments to match the stories but I liked the idea of the boys having an ornament to color while we read the devotional. You don't even actually have to have a real tree - you can use paper on the wall or even a dead branch from outside.

Our devotional time is simple and relatively short. The light in the dining room is already dimmed because we eat mostly by candle light and the light from the tree. The boys each color an ornament while Aaron reads the scripture and short devotional. They then hang the ornament on the tree and get their piece of candy out of our Advent calendar. As they munch we look at the ornaments already hung and talk about the stories. We try to finish with a Christmas hymn (Jeremiah likes O Come, O Come Emmanuel and Nathaniel likes Angels We Have Heard On High for the "glo-o-o-o-ria, in excelcies deo" part).

What I like
The scope of Biblical redemptive history- I love that we are reading the familiar stories in the Bible with our eyes on Jesus. God had a plan for the world's salvation and glimpses of promises and grace shine throughout the Bible. To be considering this faithfulness and love during Advent is amazing. I think this walk through the Bible can help the boys string together the stories they learn in Sunday school and is another tool for teaching that the Bible is not just a book of tall tales or moral fables but it is the true story of God's redemptive work.

The physical & visual reminder - I love that there is a separate tree in our house designated for this remembering. Throughout the day we see with our eyes the reminders of God's love and faithfulness. I can talk about different ornaments with the boys throughout the day. They can walk up to the tree and finger and marvel. I kept this tree simple with hand strung cranberry garland. I added nativity ornaments that I found and more ornaments are added every night. My idea is that this is a tree the boys can touch.
The other part of the physical and visual reminder that I did not consider initially was that others coming into our home will see it and question us about it. This gives the boys (and us) an opportunity to give a brief explanation and even presentation of the gospel. It is like a small "altar" in our home. It's very presence speaks to what we want to remember as the truth of Christmas.

Creativity & Interaction - Right now the creativity is simple crayons and printed ornaments. But I can see possibilities for more creativity as the boys grow. I like that we interact over the ornaments, tree, and stories. We color and hang. We talk and ponder.

The Jesse Tree is a good way for our family to mark Advent. It works for us with small children (no fire, smile) and provides a good way for us as a family to focus on Christ in a very thoughtful way during this season that can so easily become busy, stressful, materialistic, and self-centered.

New Christmas Music

One of the reasons I love Christmas music is because I only listen to it for 6 weeks out of the year. I wait for Thanksgiving weekend to pull out the favorite cd's and after playing them over and over again I am ready to put them away by New Year's.
I haven't bought new Christmas music in a long time. Mostly because I am becoming more selective of what I want to listen to. After a while all the renditions of "Holly Jolly Christmas" or "Jingle Bells" all start sounding the same. And the sappy songs about Christmas shoes and other such sentimentality just don't do it for me. Those are not things I want to spend my money on.
For me, music is key to helping focus my mind, heart, and thoughts in this season of Advent I want music that inspires meditation, worship and joy.
The other day in McKay's I took some time to peruse the Christmas music. Aaron told me that I should try and find more for our collection (maybe he was getting tired of Harry Connick, Jr. Amy Grant and Michael Card?). I was excited to run across a few cd's to add to the collection.

A Lion King Christmas: featuring the International Companies of The Lion King
This one was a complete surprise! The title caught my eye because of Nathaniel's recent obsession. As I read the back cover I saw mostly religious titles done by companies from all over the world. I was hoping that since the songs were done by the companies of The Lion King it would have some more African rhythms and flair. And it does! Good drums, great harmonies, awesome energy. This one is my very favorite this year. Two new songs have really helped me in my Advent meditations (while doing the dishes, smile); "Our Shepherd Boy" speaks of our need for rescuing and "Precious Boy" is sung from the perspective of Joseph and Mary as parents of the Christ Child. Beautiful! My all time favorite Christmas hymn is "O Holy Night" and let me just tell you that the energy and beauty in this rendition make me literally want to fall on my knees in worship.

Sarah McLachlan, Wintersong
I love her voice! So mellow and calm and inspiring. This cd has a great mix of secular and religious songs with different arrangements that make the old favorites sound new (but not silly). I especially love "River" which was originally done by Joni Mitchell.

Jewel, Joy: A Holiday Collection
I was actually pleasantly surprised by this. All of the songs but 2 are religious and really well done. Reverent and peaceful. The song "Face of Love" written by Jewel speaks simply and eloquently of the beauty of the incarnation.

Johnny Cash: The Christmas Spirit
If you know us at all you know what a "fan" Aaron is of Johnny Cash. I had no idea he had made a Christmas album. It is a beautiful mix of songs, story telling, and thoughts but Mr. Cash. This is not one to just have on in the background, you want to really take time to listen intently.

So, that is what we are listening to this year. What are your Christmas favorites?

1000 Gifts (6)

- Late night conversation with my cousin. Encouragement, laughter, understanding.
- Watching Jeremiah put his arm protectively around Nathaniel to help him cross the library parking lot.
- Good food and interesting conversation with new friends around our dining room table.
- Christmas shopping with Aaron.
- Being able to let go of the stress and busy-ness that usually comes this time of year.
- Nathaniel's fascination with painstakingly setting up the nativity scene.
- Sounds of roaring and shrieking laughter as the boys play together in their room.
- Rainy weather that magnifies our twinkling lights and keeps us quietly indoors enjoying each other.
- Aaron's patience as he colors another picture with Jeremiah and plays another game of "kings and dragons" with Nathaniel.

Christmas Parade

Friday night was cold. We walked one block from our house up to Main Street to watch the annual Christmas parade. I love that I live in a town that actually has a "Main Street."

The boys were excited but not sure exactly what to expect.

Look at that boy!! I LOVE his facial expressions.

And this boy, at the ripe old age of 4 years old doesn't want his mama to show public displays of affection toward him. I thought that didn't happen until 13?! But check out those eyes and that hair, they are going to make a lot of girls hearts go pitter-patter one day.

Anyway - the parade this year was about getting candy. Jeremiah ignored the floats, antique cars, and herd of horses in his pursuit of the candy that was tossed.

Nathaniel was a minimalist and happily held on to his one candy cane and lolly pop,
afraid to drop them if he tried to pick up more.

This boy has mad candy gathering skills. This bag is 1/4 full.

We went home to sort the stash.
Next year I am not buying candy for the Advent calendar. I will wait until after the parade.

Wardrobe

This is a completely random post. I'm sure most of you are going to roll your eyes and wonder again at this crazy (boring?) life I am living. But, it is possible that this may inspire someone out there to think outside the box...

When we moved into this house our entertainment center (that I had searched high and low for a few years ago - the perfect size, enough storage, the right style, the right price) just didn't work in our new living room. I was a bit unnaturally attached to it and was unable to just set it out by the street. So we slid it off into the turtle room (the mudroom) until we could decide what to do with it. I posted it on Craigslist (for a crazy cheap price), showed it to friends and basically did everything I could possibly think of to give it a new home. But no one wanted it!

This wasn't really a problem in the summer. But as the weather started cooling and we were getting out more coats, hats, scarves and such I started to get frustrated. This thing was in the way of where I wanted to put wardrobes not to mention the fact that we were using it to collect everything that didn't have a place yet. It was a mess and stressed me out every time I walked in the door.

Then one day it hit me. By removing the glass door and a few shelves and adding a shower curtain rod I could transform the entertainment center into a wardrobe! Perfect! I saved us a ton of money and helped the environment. Not bad.