Handmade Valentines

The week before Valentine's Day I put out stamps, stickers, paper and crayons and let Jeremiah go to town. He worked hard for 3 hours and made special Valentine cards for all his aunts & uncles and grandparents. He did such a great job and showed so much creativity!

My Valentine cards from my boys. Jeremiah's says:
To:mama
From: Jeremiah and papa/we/love/you/just/the/way/you/are/but/we/like/you/much/better/than/you/are/i/love/you/
Jeremiah

Today Jeremiah made me a Valentine that he said was for next year. It says:
Dear mom
I:love:you:more:tehn:a:baer:loves:honey:to:
Love:Jeremiah

Isn't crazy how pieces of construction paper and penned letters can convey so much love?

Letter to Jeremiah on his 5th Birthday

Our Dearest Jeremiah,
How can 5 years have passed so quickly? Before you were born other mothers would tell me to savor every moment because before I knew it you would be grown up. Now I know what they meant. I sit here and wonder at how quickly 5 years have flown by and changed you from a tiny, helpless baby into and energetic, independent, and intelligent 5 year old.

I will say that 4 had been a fun year! You have had so many new experiences and grown in so many ways!

We watched your creativity blossom this year. You have created more paintings and colored more pictures than I can keep track of! Sometimes you would sit for hours coloring and cutting, painting or stamping. You especially enjoyed making art for other people and often wanted me to mail one of your pictures to somebody.

It seems as if your imagination has also really grown this year. One of your favorite things to do was to make believe stories with papa and Nathaniel. I would often smile when I heard you playing "Horton Hears A Who" or "Ice Age" or tearing around the house being "Speedy Gonzales." You liked dressing like a pirate, pretending to be a wolf, roaring like a dinosaur, or going on jungle walks.

Your love of books continued this year. You started to read a loud to Nathaniel and I would often see you boys sitting together, you reading while Nathaniel listened. Such sweet moments. You also discovered chapter books this year. You enjoyed starting the Narnia series and you and papa had fun reading "The Mouse and the Motorcycle" together. You also loved the Winnie the Pooh books (and liked to act out all the characters).

This past fall you played soccer with the local recreational league! Your papa and I had so much fun watching you run around the field with all your energy, chasing and kicking the ball. You loved to run! You would bob your head from side to side and let your arms fly out beside you, obviously glorying in the feel of the air against your body and in your hair. You didn't care much about winning, you just enjoyed playing.

How we have enjoyed watching you learn and grow this year. We have had so many interesting and thoughtful conversations with you. You have asked thoughtful questions about God, the Bible, and the world around you. You became interested in maps and started learning about different countries. You wanted to give generously and pray often for people in other countries who do not have as much as we do.

We have watched you learn to share, play, and interact with Nathaniel and other children. We have seen you take leadership, be protective, be generous, be kind.

Son, how silly you have been this year! You have told riddles, and made up silly rhymes with words - your cheerful laughter ringing bright.

You are loved more than you know. Every day with you is full of joy, laughter, thought, and energy. You are a special gift from God.

We love you so much!
Mama & Papa

Edit: I had this saved as a draft and then accidentally just hit "post" when I finished it today. I have no idea how to fix it - but it was supposed to be posted on Jeremiah's birthday February 25th.

Sufficiency

Sufficiency =

noun

1. the state or fact of being sufficient; adequacy.

2. a sufficient number or amount; enough.

3. adequate provision or supply, esp. of wealth.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. - 2 Corinthians 11:8

God flashed this verse in front of my eyes last week. Again, grace is at the core. I don't gain grace after I have loved my husband well, parented my children with patience, maintained a cheerful and inviting home, or reached out to someone in need. I am granted grace first.

Grace truly is enough.

Grace will give me patience in that moment when I want to rush the boys through a task or snap at them.
Grace will give me energy to do that 100th load of laundry, or finish the sink full of dirty dishes, or pick up one.more.toy when all I really want to do is sit on the couch with a book.
Grace will provide for our physical needs.
Grace will enable me to sacrificially love my husband.
Grace will give me wisdom in discipline situations.
Grace will guard my tongue when I want to yell.
Grace will help me to practically love someone who irritates me, or wronged me, or constantly seems to need something from me.
Grace will minister to my spirit when I am tired, or lonely, or burdened and feel like I just can't do it anymore.

The question now becomes, if I have been given everything I need why do I continue to live as if I haven't?

1000 Gifts (11)

- new growth, literally (above pictures) and figuratively
- long lunch with friends, laughter
- feeling the reality of grace during worship
- making warm cinnamon rolls for breakfast, a special treat to show my love
- hand made valentines from all 3 of my favorite boys
- witnessing Nathaniel's excitement to go to church
- being challenged to consider how well I follow Jesus, am I a disciple?
- lengthening days
- my first Cadbury cream egg of the year - a gift from my husband who knows me so well
- God's provision - staying way under grocery budget for the week!
- a bright blue bird in the front yard (some kind of finch?)
- receiving forgiveness from Jeremiah
- dinner with friends - helping with wedding details, witnessing their excitement
- a truly gloriously sunny day
- watching Jeremiah give generously
- the certain glimmer of early spring sunshine
- a restored relationship, conflict resolved, friendship renewed - grace in action
- laughter
- community of women
- time without the distraction of kids and home for conversation that goes deep

I am counting my gifts in my journal (up to 268), I choose some to share here.

What a difference a week makes

Last Friday we were playing in beautiful snow. Today we played out in the brilliant warming sunshine. There are so many signs of spring. We have the biggest, fattest robins I have ever seen hopping around the yard. I have glimpsed some kind of blue finch. But the biggest excitement came when we went to check on our bulb patch and were surprised by two bright yellow blooms! Jeremiah was so thrilled! He has been waiting all winter to see the fruits of his labor. The little area we planted has shoots of new growth everywhere. I think there will be quite a show in the next weeks.

What an amazing God we serve that He would give us so much beauty in so many forms.

the Theatre...

We had some time to kill before the show so we braved the cold and I let the boys run around a bit down by the river. They thought it was really cool. My toes were freezing.
(Incidentally, that spot up there on there on the walking bridge is where Aaron proposed to me 10 years ago!)

Meeting the girl who played the mouse.
Nathaniel had just run straight up to her and given her a hug, my camera was still in my bag...sigh...I'm not sure why Jeremiah looks so forlorn. He was pretty excited by the whole thing.

Jeremiah talking to the actors.
The actors were so sweet to come out and take pictures with the kids and let the kids ask them questions. (Most of the actors were home schooled kids who have the time and flexibility to do cool stuff like this.)

On Wednesday morning the boys got to see their first play. At the Chattanooga Theatre Centre they saw a youth production of "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie." So fun! A perfect introduction to theatre for little ones. Jeremiah sat in rapt attention for the whole thing, I could see the gears in his head turning. Nathaniel was watching but didn't seem to quite get the concept, "Where's the boy? Where's the mouse?" he kept asking.

The friend who told us about this has brought her daughter to a few of these productions all ready and says that all of them have been really good. So I am sure we will go again!

Sometimes...

Sometimes, in the midst of our loud, crazy, energetic days there are these quiet moments that I want to soak up and treasure.

Usually when the boys are quiet I have to investigate because there is some mischief in the making. On this day I peeked through the cracked door and witnessed this beautiful moment. The brothers sitting in the sunny spot. Each reading books. Content in each others company.

Small Town Politics

I added a new link to our list of "Interesting Links."
If you want a taste of small town politics and discussion check it out.

The LaFayette Underground

1000 Gifts (10)

- reading the Word before the dawn and the work of the day begins
- watching the pink color the sky, we may see some sun today!
- a great visit with a cousin I haven't seen in a long time
- 2 phone calls from ladies in our church with invitations to get together - feeling connected
- figuring out how to sew curtains
- knowing that my mom is coming to visit!
- beautiful snowfall
- listening to Aaron and the boys playing in the snow, Jeremiah's hysterical laughter
- watching Jeremiah make Valentine's
- a bright red cardinal perched in a snow-laden tree
- knowing that the homemade granola is satisfying the little tummies - will they remember cozy, nourishing breakfasts?
- a yard that looks like Narnia
- Nathaniel dancing in the kitchen and belting out "Oh no, You never let go, through the calm and through the storm, Lord You never let go of me!!"

How blessed I felt last week! God's gifts were everywhere, surrounding me, sustaining me, encouraging me! I am up to 240 in my journal.

Valentine

...I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go. - Song of Songs 3:4

More snow

What a winter!
This is the 2nd significant snowfall here in 2 weeks. And this being north Georgia we normally see so little snow that any accumulation of snow brings wonder.

New perspective

There are two things about myself that I can admit. First, I can easily become a legalistic Christian. I constantly fight the tendency to turn faith into rule keeping and to be judgmental of myself and others when the rules aren't kept as well as I think they should be. Second, I care way too much about what other people think of me. I used to try and be all "zen" and say that I didn't care. But the truth is that I do. I constantly fight basing my self worth and the decisions I make off of what others will think.

You can imagine that these two character traits don't always make for good parenting moments.

One of the things I have to do is constantly evaluate my discipline and rule setting. I always have to ask myself the questions, "Am I disciplining this behavior because I am worried about what others will think? Am I being legalistic in my manner of discipline?"

Whether it is because they are boys, or just their personality my boys are pretty energetic. They can be really loud. They like to run and sing and make messes. Jeremiah's brain is always working and so he is always questioning and always has ideas, compromises, discussions. We try to give them the freedom to be themselves while at the same time setting boundaries for how to behave in public places.

One day someone saw me struggling a bit with Jeremiah. He was doing something fun that he didn't want to stop. He wasn't being disrespectful or disobedient but he was jumping around and talking really loudly as we gathered up his coat and shoes. I had to ask him more than once to come over to me and put on his things. This well meaning person looked at me and asked, "Can't you just get him to do what you want him to do?"

That one sentence, and the way I felt when it was uttered to me about my son, defines the way I feel about most Christian parenting books. It seems like most of the Christian parenting books I have read are telling me, "If you are a Christian parent, and disciplining in way xy or z, your children should end up being good and well behaved (read "quiet and controlled)." It seemed to me that most Christian parenting books were trying to get me to break my kids (strong)will and prove myself as the ultimate authority - starting from infancy (sleep habits) to adolescence (clothing). They seemed to be all about control.

I was never comfortable with this approach. It never seemed to feel right to me. Many methods of discipline that I tried from Christian parenting books set me up in horrible power struggles with Jeremiah which I felt were ultimately hurting our relationship. Not to mention the fact that I felt that since God had created Jeremiah He was the one who had gifted him with his intelligence, energy, and even his strong will. Who was I to try and crush that?

This is why the book Families Where Grace Is In Place by Jeff VanVonderen has been such a breath of fresh air. He talks about grace-filled families being a place where children are enjoyed for who they are, discipline is not punishment but teaching, and where being real is more important than how things look.

You can't imagine how freed I felt when I read this last night,

Then there is what is called a strong-willed child. Children are usually slapped with this label because they are stubborn about doing their jobs. [He had just been outlining what behavior is normal for certain developmental ages.] ...a strong-willed child is simply a four-year-old who has figured out what most kids don't figure out until they are in their teens. That is, "Mom and Dad, you can't control me as much as you thought you could." (Can we say, "Jeremiah"?)

Jesi is this type of person in our family. She wants to know "why?" She pushes, questions, tests, and pushes some more. In fact, Jesi wants to take control of things. Trying to control her most often ends in an ugly power struggle. Sometimes it's actually a good strategy to give her control, and less tiring as well. (Again, Jeremiah described.)

He then describes and incident in which instead of simply trying to control Jesi's behavior she is given choices in which she is in control of the outcome and consequences.

There are some who wish we would fix Jesi and make her be more compliant. Jesi isn't bad or in need of fixing, she's just tenacious. Our job is not to control her and turn her into a more pliable person. Our job is to create and environment in which Jesi can be the best, tenacious, strong-willed person Jesus ever had working for Him!

I wanted to jump up and sing "hallelujah!" I know it sounds silly, but to see this written down in a Christian parenting book has totally freed me. I feel judgment and legalism slipping from my shoulders. I feel like I have been given permission to continue parenting our children in the way that we have chosen. The way that we feel the Spirit is leading us.

Today in the grocery store Jeremiah was talking a mile a minute at the TOP OF HIS LUNGS and running enthusiastically down the aisle to find the next thing I needed on the list and asking to ride like an airplane on the bottom of the cart and insisting on an buying flowers for his grand mommy and crying when he was told he couldn't get chocolate. I was starting to get "the look" from some of the elderly patrons of the store. But I chose to ignore the looks. Because he was not being rude, or disrespectful, or disobedient. He was being a bright, tenacious, inquisitive, energetic four-year-old. I personally can't wait to see how God uses Jeremiah's intelligence and strong-will to glorify Him.

1000 Gifts (9)

- sunshine, bright and brilliant
- hearing new, distinct bird calls (can spring really be coming soon?)
- Amazon box waiting in the car port, new books to dive into
- waking early enough to be dressed and ready before the boys wake
- having the house full of ladies and their kids for the morning; chatting, playing, and general fun chaos
- being encouraged to pray specifically and with faith
- a friend expecting a baby!
- reading the Bible to Jeremiah while he is snuggled next to me in the early morning hours
- listening to Jeremiah sing "My soul thirsts for the living God" as he colors (may it be true!)
- a clean bathroom
- watching the boys revel in wild play with each other
- feeling God's presence this week granting me patience and helping me curb my tongue
- a call from a cousin, just to chat
- watching the boys enjoy having people in our home
- Nathaniel's excitement, "We at Ms. Linda's house. I so EXCITED!"
- being brought to my feet in worship, standing next to my husband, arms lifted high and knowing:
The joy of the Lord will be my strength
I will not falter I will not faint
He is my shepherd I am not afraid
The joy of the Lord is my strength

The joy of the Lord
The joy of the Lord
The joy of the Lord is my strength

The joy of the Lord will be my strength
He will uphold me all of my days
I am surrounded by mercy and grace
And the joy of the Lord is my strength

The joy of the Lord will be my strength
I will not waiver walking by faith
He will be strong to deliver me safe
The joy of the Lord is my strength.
(Twila Paris)

I am counting my gifts with the gratitude community. In my journal I am up to 205 (!) and I choose to share some here.

I was supposed to be working out. Instead, I spent this rainy afternoon in front of the computer, tears running down my cheeks as I jumped from blog to blog reading adoption stories. I started reading a blog about a family trying to get their son home from Haiti. Then I clicked a few links and was reading a family's story about adopting some children from Uganda. Then I was captivated by a family who adopted children with severe emotional disorders from the state foster care system.

I was weeping quietly.

Because my heart yearns. Conviction pulls at my consciousness.

I stumbled into the world of child social services by "accident." I was out of college and needed a job to pay the bills. The state Department of Family and Children's Services (DFCS) is always hiring. Working for DFCS is intense. I moved from crisis to crisis, making split-second important decisions that would impact the lives of children forever, learning as I went and becoming an "expert" by experience.

I was often overcome with anger when I couldn't find homes for children. I would sit in my car sobbing as I drove away after dropping off another sweet child who just needed some one-on-one attention and love in a home that was already teeming with children who needed the same thing. Every time I had to drive a teenager to a group home hours away from everything they knew I seethed inside.

I hated hearing the stereotypes of kids in the state system. I hated hearing the excuses of people as to why they couldn't possibly consider taking a child into their home. I hated sitting in church, looking around me at the body of Christ, and not seeing a single foster or adopted child in our midst. Why was it that the best foster and adoptive parents I knew were non-religious (and even gasp! homosexuals)? Shouldn't we as Christians, loved by God despite our sin, know more about unconditional love?

During the years that I worked for DFCS and helped direct a private foster care and adoption agency my heart yearned to be on the other side of the picture. I held children in my arms and in my heart that I wanted to keep but had to hand to someone else.

It breaks my heart to think that there are about 147 million orphans in the world. Children of all ages and colors, with different circumstances and needs, but ultimately with no-one to love them or care for them. Here I sit in my 1,800 square foot house, with 2 perfect kids, and a comfortable safe life.

I just can't help feeling the calling growing in my heart. That just maybe, even though I am not the best or most natural of mothers, God can use me. Maybe, even though the road may be long and emotionally trying and full of unknowns, God can use me.

We are considering fostering children in our state DFCS system. We know their needs. We know these children are in our community. We know and have compassion for the situations of many of the birth families. Could it be that our life experiences have perfectly equipped us for this?

And yet, even though I can barely write this through the tears in my eyes and the emotion in my heart, I admit I am afraid. To take this step will shake up our lives in ways we can and can't imagine.

I am afraid of failing.

I guess it comes down to faith. Do I believe God's word is true? Do I believe that if He calls us to this He will also give us the strength we need? Do I believe that obeying Him is more important than my comfort?

I don't know if, when, or how this will unfold. I ask humbly for your prayers.

What I'm Reading

This is my current reading pile. I am slowly working through a combination of novels and practical parenting books. Here's my run down in case you are looking for something good to read.

The Jesus Storybook Bible
We have just started this storybook Bible for our family devotion time after dinner. There is a lot about it that I really like and I do recommend it. I will save my complete run-down for a separate post though because I think it deserves it.

The Princes of Ireland, by Edward Rutherford
I like historical novels if they are done well. I accidentally stumbled on this author when I saw this book in the sale bin at our Goodwill for 39cents. I picked it up because there was a recommendation on it from Maeve Binchy who is an author that I really love. This guy's historical fiction is really in depth and detailed while still remaining entertaining. He also doesn't see the need for over-sexualizing things which is something that I run across often in other historical fiction. I picked up his book Russka from the library but haven't gotten a chance to start it yet.

Songs of the Humpback Whale, by Jodi Picoult
I admit that I haven't actually started reading this yet. That is because I know when I pick up a book by Jodi Picoult I will forget everything else and stay up all night to finish it. Her books are that interesting and compelling. I think this is the only book of hers that I haven't read yet. Even though her books are fiction I always find myself chewing over moral, spiritual, and societal issues after I put them down. Read her!

Steady Days, by Jamie C. Martin
Jamie has a blog that I have been reading for quite a while now. Her purpose is to be a professional, intentional parent to her children and to encourage other mothers to do the same. I really relate to her practical ideas as well as her general world view. This book doesn't have any new and earth shattering information for me but is more of a confirmation of things that I have learned and implemented as I tried to figure out this whole parenting thing. I like that the book is practical, broken up into short chapters, and nonjudgmental. I think this is a book that I will include as a baby shower gift for new mothers.

Families Where Grace is in Place, by Jeff van Vonderen
I remember seeing this book on our bookshelf when I was a kid as well as on the bookshelves of families we visited. It has been sitting on my bookshelf for a while and I haven't picked it up until recently because I was being judgmental. I figured that it would be a pretty black and white, preachy, Focus on the Family type book and I just didn't want to go there right now.
I was wrong!
This book is completely changing my attitude toward being a wife and mother. There is so much to say about this that I will have to make a separate post. But let me just briefly say that I would give this book and Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel to all new couples & parents as the best "manuals" - because they aren't really manuals at all but an encouragement to let grace influence all we do.

Free Range Kids, by Lenore Skenazy
I have so far only thumbed through this book but I can't wait to dig into it more. It is funny and easy to read and yet really challenges many of the societal norms that we have in America for how we raise our kids. How much influence does media hype, fear, or even information from "experts" have over how we raise our kids and how much freedom we give and encourage them to have. Very, very interesting.

So that's what I am reading right now. I'm sure once I work through this pile I will be looking for more. Suggestions are always welcome!

Writing

It has been challenging for me to find "workbooks" that Jeremiah enjoys doing. I knew that I wanted him to work on his hand writing this year but I wasn't sure how to make that happen. Most of the workbooks that have printing practice are pretty simplistic with just single letters over and over again. That is boring for Jeremiah. He would half halfheartedly copy a few letters and then announce that he was ready for something else.

One day the problem solved itself. After reading our morning Psalm Jeremiah announced that he wanted to look at the Psalm and write down the words that he wanted to know the meaning of. His plan was that when papa got home in the evening they would get out the dictionary and look at the words together. And that has in fact been his almost daily ritual. While I clean up the kitchen after breakfast he sits at the table with the Bible open and copies out the words he wants to know on a 3x5 card (we are loving those things around here!). Some days it is just 1 or 2 words some days it is much more.

I realized the other day that this is the beauty of homeschooling. If he was in a traditional classroom Jeremiah would probably be very bored doing robotic copying on worksheets. Here at home we have the freedom for him to work at his own pace on things that keep his interest. Jeremiah loves words, their sound, rhyming, and meaning. He has a very extensive and advanced vocabulary simply because he loves words.

I am learning to let Jeremiah lead me in his educational experience. I think it's pretty cool that he is learning to practice his handwriting by reading the Bible. Seems like a pretty good educational experience to me.

Multitude Monday confession

Confession:

I did not write down a single blessing last week. I started to feel guilty. But then I stopped. Because I am enough of a recovering Pharisee to know that the surest way for me to spoil something good is to turn it into a chore, something I have to check off of my to-do list. I'm pretty sure that is not what Multitude Monday's is about.
Last week was a hard week in many ways.
It was also a good week in many ways. I saw a lot of my sin, but I also felt deep grace.
As I was downloading pictures from my camera I realized that there was so much goodness in the midst of the challenges. Which is of course what counting my gifts is supposed to be about. So, while they are not numbered in my journal, here are some of the good gifts of last week.

Snow: Lots of it.

Icecream sundaes: A special Friday night treat

Cozy candle light in the living room.

A perfect way to spend a snowy evening,
curled up on the couch with a blanket and a good book.

Uncles who have birthdays and take time to wrestle.

Sweet little girl cousin (niece).

This man who shares my life, loves me unconditionally,
and looks pretty darn hot with a baby! :-)