Memories of a visit

Random memories, pictures stolen mostly from the pictures Oma & Opa took during their visit. They are back in Holland now. We are thankful for their visit. We are looking forward to more frequent visits once they are officially living back in the States hopefully before the end of this year!

Stopping for a snack while hiking.

Flying in a small, propeller air plane.

Working in the yard.
We are still enjoying the beautiful flowers Oma planted for us!

Being silly

Making "Peeps nests."
Great-oma Viss sent us all the ingredients for this fun and easy Easter sugar-coma inducing snack/craft. :-) It was a hit!

Chattanooga Lookouts baseball game.

5 Minute Friday - On Forgetting

Joining The Gypsy Mama for 5 minutes of writing (no editing) on a Friday. (Still can't get the button to work - so just follow this link.)
Today's topic: On Forgetting

GO

I have a horrible memory. I to this day can't remember a whole week in which a friend came and stayed with us in Amsterdam. She remembers staying in my room, hanging out with my friends, being shown around the city. We joke that I still don't remember it. Really.

I fear forgetting a lot of things. The singular smell of rain hitting dusty African soil. The crisp glimmer of spring sunshine on Amsterdam canals. The first heady moments of Aaron's arms around me. The wonderful, ethereal moments when my new born was laid on my chest. The heavy feel and sweet smell of a baby sleeping with his face buried right in that spot on my neck. Jeremiah's laugh. Nathaniel's lisp.

I also forget things on a daily basis. I forget to keep a calm and respectful tone of voice. To encourage adventure. To read more books out loud. To laugh. To play. That one thing on the grocery list that I really needed.

Then there is one thing I do want to forget. Myself. Every day I battle to forget myself in order to remember to be filled with the Spirit. Only in forgetting myself can I serve. Only in forgetting myself do I find myself again. A self infinitely different, but more real, than I ever expected to be.

STOP

Learning the value of a summer schedule

Well, I posted my goals for last week and then the week turned out completely different then I had planned. All goals and thoughts of getting back on a schedule went completely out the window and we just had to go with the flow. Our family doesn't always function well when we don't have a schedule. Not to mention the fact that I was exhausted (apparently going from doing nothing for 6 weeks to going full-force is not really a healthy thing to do). So there was a lot of eating fast food, impatience, less than thoughtful words, and a whole lot of TV watching. The boys generally play well together unsupervised, but they do get bored, irritable and attention seeking when left to their own devices for too long. I get grouchy when my kitchen is a mess, I don't have time to meal plan and budget, and I don't get a least a few minutes of rest and alone time each day. I have no idea what makes Aaron irritable. That mans patience is astonishing.

I got to thinking about the summer. We love the summer because Aaron is home! But, we tend to ditch the schedule and just go with the flow. Which is fine in some ways, but in other ways leads to a lot of frustration. In the interest of all of our sanity, we are coming up with a flexible, workable schedule that will hopefully help us all to enjoy the summer months better. There are things we love doing in the summer; swimming, blueberry picking, having friends over for dinner, tackling projects around the house, heading out to explore a new park or find some other adventure. Those things are easier to do, and more enjoyable, when we know that things are taken care of at home.

This is what we have so far:
Morning:
Sarah Up (Bible study, prayer, planning)
Boys Up (breakfast, chores)
Spend time outside (either in our own yard or an outing somewhere)
Sarah time to clean house & do chores (a few times a week)

Afternoon:
Lunch
Rest/Nap Time
Read Aloud and/or handwriting practice (Jeremiah)
Play time

Evening:
Dinner (weekend's invite friends!)
Bath & Bed

Obviously, this schedule is nothing earth shattering. However, following a rhythm to each day works well for us.

My tendency during the summer is to think that I can sleep in every morning. I learned last year that this does not work! Getting up and starting my day before the boys join me continues to be the best tool I have for maintaining stability and sanity. I hope to continue this, even with Aaron home for the summer.

We are looking forward to summer!

1000 Gifts - Emergency Room Edition

Aaron and I were busy painting the rental house when the call came. Jeremiah had a cut on his head. The result of a Nerf dart gun battle and a picture frame that strategically fell just-so off the wall. I dropped everything to rush to his side. Only to find him laying calmly on grandparents couch watching Looney Tunes. I insisted that I be the one to take him to the ER because I am his mother and every boy needs his mother at a time like this. Right?

The ER was packed. I was informed by a kind nurse that summer is the season for injuries and some people wait too long to bring their child in when they have a fever. Aaron had packed us a book, Danny the Champion of the World, thinking it would pass the time. I was informed by my oldest that he had already almost finished reading it during rest time and there was only one chapter left. So we sat in the lobby playing I spy, trying to watch the movie that was playing on the TV with the sound turned all the way down, making up stories, watching the flow of people coming in and out.

We also waited in the room we were finally assigned to. But there we could hear the TV and thankfully Toy Story 3 was on. On the other side of the curtain a pre-teen boy was waiting with his family. Something about pulling something in his arm while at a baseball game. I could hear the grouching and complaining coming from that side of the room as the minutes ticked by on the clock. Jeremiah began to get restless. I began to feel impatience gnawing at me too.

Then I remembered these words,
Just for today, I will ask for His grace, that when stress mounts, I will dismount it with gratitude. My stress coping mechanism will be verbal intervention with verbal thanks. It is impossible to simultaneously feel stress and gratitude at the same time and I choose to give thanks at all times. Fight feeling with feeling! - Ann Voskamp

I took a deep breath and began to count;
- only a cut, nothing life-threatening, Jeremiah obviously not in much pain
- access to health care, the ability to bring my son to the ER when he needs it
- kind nurses who treat my son gently, yet talk to him with respect and enthusiasm
- the rare gift of 6 uninterrupted hours with my son
- time to listen to the last sermon in the Radical series on my mp3 player

Suddenly my perspective of the way we were spending the evening changed. I fought impatience, stress, and exhaustion with gratitude and gratitude won!

Later in the evening while I had made a much needed run to the Ladies room the doctor came by to do her initial evaluation and found Jeremiah alone. She apparently had quite a conversation with him and later reported to me that he was a mature and well-spoken young man.
- Jeremiah being polite and thoughtful even in a strange situation

Even later we were moved to a trauma room (all the suture rooms were full) where we passed the time by telling knock-knock jokes.
- Jeremiah's laugh
- jokes about Jedi and stinky feet and getting hit on the head
- Jeremiah's thoughtfulness; "I hope Nathaniel isn't worried about me. I hope grandmom and grandad went to bed because it is past bedtime. I hope papa isn't anxious."
- not being in the trauma room because we needed the trauma equipment in it

The procedure was quick and painless. Despite his apprehension, "I wasn't afraid because it hurt. I just have never had stitches before so I didn't know what it would feel like." Jeremiah was a trooper and laid still while receiving his 5 stitches. Talking with the doctor and giving his approval, "That part was OK, you can keep going" as she gave a play by play of what she was doing. The gifts of the huge syringe used to clean the wound and a grape Popsicle made for a good end of a long night and Jeremiah was sound asleep before we arrived home in the dark of the night.
- Jeremiah's final thought about the whole experience, "I hope it is better by Sunday. I don't want to miss out on the battle with the other kids after church."

Note: I realize that I just painted a very idealistic view of the way the evening went. But, I really did learn the lesson that you really and truly can dismount stress with gratitude. I also learned that my attitude directly effected Jeremiah's attitude. He was able to wait with grace and patience because I was calm and patient as well. What wasn't so pretty and I didn't describe here, was how I got impatient with Aaron on the phone, was snippy and sarcastic with him, and generally treated him disrespectfully. But, that is for another post.

I join Ann Voskamp at A Holy Experience on Monday's as part of the Gratitude Community.

Science Museum

A huge dinosaur!

Jeremiah looks at the inner workings of one of the first cars.

Astronauts!

Nathaniel pans for minerals.
He found a few but was really more interested in splashing around in the water.

Paleontologist in the making!

(Lately, Jeremiah has not been able to decide between becoming a paleontologist or an archeologist so has declared he will be both.)

Thursday evening we were able to go to the Tellus Science Museum as Jeremiah's last field trip for the year. It was full of all kinds of interesting things and we had a fun time learning. We did not have to pay admission, which was a good thing, since Nathaniel would not have lasted more than the 2 hours we spent inside. This is a great museum, but definitely geared toward older children. There is one area of the museum that is more playful and hands on and Nathaniel did really enjoy that section. It was nice to have a change of pace. We enjoyed having Aaron with us and being part of the learning experience too.

A dogwood tree

We are busy this week working at our old house, cleaning and painting and generally trying to get it ready to be rented. (We never intended to become landlords, but that is a whole other story in which we are just walking forward in faith, trusting God's plan rather than our own.) I haven't been in the house since we moved out 2 years ago. So, lots of memories are bubbling up in my mind as we spend time over there. We purchased the house about 18 months after we were married. I still remember the day we got the keys, let ourselves in, kissed each other in the middle of the living room, and prayed that God would bless us as we served Him in that home. We led youth group in that home. We dreamed of children. It was to that home that we brought both Jeremiah and Nathaniel home from the hospital. I still remember the way the sun comes through the windows in the living area and warms the wood floors.
One of the things that I have always missed about that house are the 3 gorgeous dogwood trees that lined the driveway and were right outside the living/dining room windows. I loved being able to look out of my windows and see them change with the seasons. They also brought back memories of my childhood. My brothers, cousins and I used to play for hours in 1 specific dogwood tree in my cousins yard. It was perfect for climbing and pretending and story telling. It seems this dogwood is too!

Goals for the week

I'm writing down my goals for this week for 2 reasons. One, I can't really think of anything else to write. Two, I figured maybe writing them down here will give some measure of accountability so that I will actually follow through.

Goal 1: Wake up and get going (before the boys)
For a while I was really on track with this. But, my surgery and having company in the house has thrown my schedule off track. I realized the other day that our days really do go better when I am disciplined to get up and start my day before the boys wake up. I jumped at the Maximize Your Morning Challenge being run by Inspired to Action. So, I am setting my alarm for 6am every morning and making myself get out of bed. The boys wake anytime between 7 and 8, so this way I get at least one and possibly two hours to myself before the regular routine of the day begins.

Goal 2: Read my Bible and pray every day
Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is the bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. -John 15:4,5
I don't even pretend to know all it means to "abide in Christ" but I am learning more and more every day about admitting that I am powerless over my own sin. I am learning that the only way I can show fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness & self-control) is to focus on Him rather then on myself. One way to do that is to find out who He is through what He has revealed in the Bible. And to spend more focused time in prayer, conversation with Him.

Goal 3: No sweets on weekdays
I have struggled with discipline in my eating habits for a long time. I recently heard about a "diet" that was more of a life-style change. No sweets, seconds or snacks unless it is a day that starts with S (or a special day). Sweets are my downfall. So I am trying to incorporate discipline in that area.

Goal 4: Exercise of some kind, 10 minutes per day
I still am not cleared after surgery to start working out fully yet. But, I want to get in the habit of exercising every day. I need to ease in to this because I honestly hate working out and have to force myself to do it. So, 10 minutes per day should be doable. Even if it is just a walk around the block.

So, those are my goals for this week. My attempts to build some discipline back into my life. What are some of your goals?

Finished Kindergarten Year!

No last day of school is complete without Princess Leia and Boba Fett.

We finished school this past week!

Actually, we have been slowing down since March (when we finished Math and History), doing mainly handwriting and reading every day and some Science 2x a week. When spring arrived we just wanted to be outside! Also, having Oma and Opa visiting, along with my surgery just threw us all off whack and we never really recovered. So, I was thankful that the bulk of our work was done so early.

On Thursday we finished our last Science lesson and then packed up our books to send back to k12. (Because our curriculum was free through the state of Georgia we had to send back the items that can be used again.) It was fulfilling to wrap up our first official year of schooling at home. We had a sense of accomplishment and the good feeling of a job well done.

Jeremiah enjoyed this year and made good progress. He really enjoyed the lessons and was always enthusiastic for school time. Reading, Language Arts and History are his favorite subjects and they also come very naturally to him. He does enjoy Math as well and I am happy with the good start we have on the basic, foundational concepts. The area where I have seen the greatest improvement is in his handwriting! It is amazing what progress came after just 10 short minutes of practice per day. In my Mother's Day card this year he had written in such straight, neat lines with very well formed letters. We are still working on proper capitalization and punctuation, but one thing at a time right?

I saw this year as an experimental year for us. I learned a lot about being a teacher. I learned that schedule and structure are important but that being able to be flexible is key. I learned that it is more important to nurture a love of learning than to stress about "getting everything right." I learned that Nathaniel is capable of, and interested in, being much more involved in our History and Science lessons than I initially thought he would be. I learned that I actually enjoy being part of Jeremiah's learning process. I learned that no matter how hard I try. creative activities and crafty things are just not my strong suit. Smile.

We enjoyed using k12 and having the support of the Georgia Cyber Academy. It was a great program to get us on track for the first year. But there were many aspects of it that just weren't a good fit for our family. We have decided to use Sonlight curriculum next year and are really excited about that. In fact, next year's curriculum is already on it's way!

1000 Gifts - Mother's Day

- my mother: who spent 5 weeks helping because I needed her, which is what a mother does because she always loves her kids, even when they are grown
- Aaron's mother: who loves practically, humbly, sacrificially, and prayerfully
- my boys: who make every day of being a mother a fun, stretching, learning, growing, tiring, self-sacrificing, loving-to-overflowing day

Join the gratitude community over at A Holy Experience.

A quiet house

Breakfast was quiet this morning. Just me, sitting at the table with Nathaniel and Jeremiah, wondering what we were going to do today. Nathaniel's first question every morning is, "What day is it?" followed quickly by, "What are we going to do this day?"

Our five weeks with Oma and Opa here passed in a blur of activities and fun. What a treat to have them here for such a long visit!

Today we are working on getting back in our normal routine. Whatever that is...

So much gratitude

We have so much to be thankful for! As pictures and news of the destruction from the tornado's came in on Thursday morning I was in awe that our little town was safe and unharmed while areas to the east, west, and north of us suffered so much destruction. We are also so thankful that none of our friends or family were harmed. We had friends and family in all of the areas that were effected!

We are busy as it is our last week with Oma and Opa here. So, I will simply post these pictures of Nathaniel and Jeremiah greeting each other when Jeremiah returned from his 4 day trip to Florida last week. They truly did miss each other.

Nathaniel

Nathaniel's enthusiasm and zest for life oozes out of his every pore. From his over-the-top facial expressions to his spontaneous hugs to the way he runs with every muscle of his body engaged to his vivid imagination, this boy is fully engaged 100% of the time!

I am getting to spend a lot of one-on-one time with Nathaniel this week. Jeremiah is on a trip to Florida with Oma and Opa so Nathaniel has the new experience of being an only child for a few days. We are having fun! It is special for me to be able to focus my attention on him - playing the games and reading the books that he wants without having to mediate between the 2 boys. And can this boy talk! He has been chattering my ear off non-stop since Monday morning!

1000 Gifts - Easter 2011

- my 2 handsome boys, growing up so fast
- watching my husband enjoy the day
- sharing our Easter traditions with mom & dad
- the body of Christ, our family
- laughter
- sitting in the shade, chatting with friends
- Nathaniel's enthusiasm and love of life
- Jeremiah's growing maturity
- Nathaniel and Elias playing well together
- knowing that one day I will stand in a sinless body before the throne of God and be free to worship Him with no barriers

Here is love...

Thinking of this hymn on this Good Friday;

Here is love, vast as the ocean,
Lovingkindness as the flood,
When the Prince of Life, our Ransom,
Shed for us His precious blood.
Who His love will not remember?
Who can cease to sing His praise?
He can never be forgotten,
Throughout Heav’n’s eternal days.

On the mount of crucifixion,
Fountains opened deep and wide;
Through the floodgates of God’s mercy
Flowed a vast and gracious tide.
Grace and love, like mighty rivers,
Poured incessant from above,
And Heav’n’s peace and perfect justice
Kissed a guilty world in love.

-words by William Reese, music by Robert Lowery (1876)

My boys

When I see pictures like this I can't help but feel that I have the handsomest boys in the world! :-)

5 minute Friday - On Distance

Distance has always been a constant factor in my life. From the time I was 9 months old and flew to West Africa with my parents the constant, nagging ache of distance has been part of who I am. There is always someone to miss. Always something to miss. Always the vague sense that I don't exactly fit right where I am.

Now I am grown. Wife. Mother. Attempting to put down roots in this small southern town. And sometimes the distance is not physical but emotional, and spiritual. My sons finger pictures of me playing on dusty African soil, pictures of me next to ancient leaning Dutch buildings and I know that there is no way for me to truly communicate to them what this part of me is. They are so American. Speaking the language of convenience and fast-food and abundance.

So, I try to bridge the distance. I tell stories about a little girl and her monkey. I paint word pictures of thunderstorms crackling across the African plain. I explain why wasted running water and lights left on bug me so. I stock their room with books of children from all parts of the world. I curl up and read them "De koe die in het water viel" in Dutch, even though I know they can't understand the words because I hope they can understand my heart.

Playing along with The Gypsy Mama. Only 5 minutes to write, no editing. For some reason I can't get the button to work so click here, to link back.

A full week

It has been quite a week here at our house. Spring has sprung spectacularly here in Georgia and we are spending almost every waking minute outside. The bulb flowers have faded but the azaleas in our yard are ablaze with color. The dogwood trees are dressing themselves in lace. The birds twitter and chirp and dart around the yard.

I had surgery last Tuesday. Nothing is wrong with me. It was elective, but rather extensive, and so I am learning the art of resting. It's actually quite a challenge to just sit and be still while others carry out the day-to-day responsibilities of feeding, clothing, entertaining, disciplining, cleaning. I have been completely overwhelmed by the care and support our family has received. Not only are my parents here, with mom basically running the household for a few weeks, but we have received meals and phone calls and cards. Thankfully, my recovery is going better than I had anticipated, and I am hoping to be back to all my regular duties soon.

In the meantime the boys are enjoying spending days with Opa and Oma. They have been planting flowers in the yard, going on hikes, playing at the playground, practicing baseball and soccer, playing with Opa's iPad, taking walks and generally reveling in getting to spend so much time together.

1000 gifts - friends, an answer to prayer

A few years ago, in the midst of loneliness and isolation as a new stay-at-home mom, I wrote a prayer in my journal. I begged God to send me a girlfriend. I wanted someone to laugh and cry with, someone to talk to, someone to share the struggles of being a wife and a mother with, someone to pray with and just be real with.

These past few weeks I have felt absolutely astounded by the love and support and care that I have received from not just one girlfriend, but many. God has answered my prayer beyond all my expectations! As I think about the life we are living here and the roots we are putting down I think of all the women that God has brought into my life. So many women that I view as sisters. Each one of them showing me God's love in a different way. Each one of them encouraging me to seek God first in my daily tasks and responsibilities. Each one of them speaking truth to me when I need to hear it. Each one of them providing me with opportunities to laugh, or cry. Each one of them being willing to pray for me when I call.

I am grateful and counting today the women who surround me as sisters.

The visit begins

The boys were super excited to pick up Oma and Opa at the airport this past Thursday! We are enjoying having them here. Nathaniel entices Opa into sword fights in the back yard. Jeremiah is teaching them everything they ever wanted to know about Star Wars. The weather is warming and spring in Georgia is in all it's full blooming, colorful glory. We are looking forward to days spent outside. Sharing meals. Making memories.

Naming the ugly

My parents arrive on Thursday! Oma and Opa will be staying here at our house for the whole month of April! Super excited doesn't even do justice to what we feel! A lot of things have been happening around here very quickly and I have been busy the past few days trying to get things ready for them as well as a few other things.

On Sunday a dear, close friend offered to come over one day this week and help me clean the house. You want to know my first, knee-jerk reaction to such a generous offer? "Oh no! I can't let her do that! There is no way I can let her see how dirty my bathrooms are right now!" Seriously. This is a close friend who knows my stuff. She knows of my struggles and my sin. I know of her struggles and her sin.Yet, there was part of me (the recovering Pharisee part) that didn't want her to see how messy my house can get. That part of me wanted to maintain the illusion of outward order and perfection.

The truth is however, that in order for the house to be clean and orderly when my parents arrive I will need some help. I will need to acknowledge that it is dirty and disorganized and we have been busy and there is much to be done.

I do this in my spiritual life too. Here is a journal entry from a few months ago:

Jesus answered them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick, I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." -Luke 5:31,32

For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings. -Hosea 6:6

As I see more and more of the ugliness of the patterns of sin in my life I am often driven to despair. Because, at heart I am a rule follower, a Pharisee. I am practiced at maintaining the outward trappings of religion and quick to judge those who are not.
So, the inability to "fix" my own sin patterns of anger and complacency and laziness and selfishness astounds me. And the depth of hurt that these "socially acceptable" sins can cause is ugly.
Jesus words stop me cold. Someone who is a "sinner" knows they are a sinner. They can name the sin, whatever it may be. They know that they cannot be "fixed." There is no justification of rationalization. It is like an alcoholic going to an AA meeting and stating, "Hi, my name is ---, and I am an alcoholic." It's a fact. It's clear. It's owned. It's public. And for an alcoholic to begin to heal, that step - naming the condition- is the essential first part of the process.
Would healing and deep repentance come if I was able to dig beneath the trappings of my "good Christianity" and name my sin?
Hi, my name is Sarah, I am: completely selfish, abusive in my anger, lazy, complacent, disrespectful toward my husband.
Maybe the steadfast love that God requires instead of sacrifice can only come when I name and own the ugliness of my sin. Only something that is ugly and diseased can be healed. When I name the ugly and see it made clean and whole through Jesus blood, then steadfast love will flow, out of deepest gratitude.

I think it is obvious that this is a huge area of struggle for me. But I am slowly learning to name the ugly so that it can be healed.

I accepted my friends offer to come and help me clean. Then, this morning as I was standing in my bathroom I thought, "These floors are really nasty! I really should at least vacuum them so they don't look so bad when she comes to help tomorrow." Sigh. When will I ever learn?