Trust

In my continuing meditation on Proverbs 31 I have recently been thinking about the phrase in verse 11, "the heart of her husband trusts in her." What does it mean to trust? What does it mean to be trustworthy? Here is what the dictionary says in italics with my notes next to it:

---

Trust:

1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc. of a person or thing

Do I have these qualities and display them in every day life so that Aaron can rely on me?

2. confident expectation of something; hope

Am I the kind of woman who instills hope and expectation in the heart of my husband?

3. confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods, credit

4. a person on whom or thing on which one relies

Am I reliable? How do I show I am reliable? Do I follow through on promises I make? Do I do the little things every day that build the foundation of Aaron's being able to rely on me no matter what?

5. the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted

Do I care for Aaron (his heart, life, emotions, and children) as a precious thing that has been entrusted to me? Do I see him as something to cherish, care for, and protect or do I begrudge the tasks I am given to care for him?

6. the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed

Being someone Aaron can trust is not just something nice I should do for him. It is a Biblical charge that I have been given. When I took my marriage vows before God I promised to care for him. Do I fulfill those vows on a daily basis?

7. charge, custody, or care

If Aaron truly trusts me then he should be able to put his heart in my care. Do I prove worthy of that in my daily actions?

8. something committed to or entrusted to one's care of safe keeping, as an office, duty, or the like; responsibility

---

In his book As for Me and My House Walter Wangerin talks about dependability as the first task of marriage. Here are some quotes that I come back to time and time again.

* "Dependability is truthfulness in action - in your action. It regards your promises, whether spoken or unspoken, and your spouse's reasonable expectations, that you will in fact do what you pledge to do, that you will fulfill anticipations. Is secures, now, the future in deed." p. 124

* Dependability requires a careful work:

- to make your promises wisely, realistically, according to your true abilities, according to your spouses real needs;

- to remember the specific promises and your general marital duties in a hectic world;

- to make these promises a fixed priority in a world that will entice you persistently to other interests;

- and to accomplish all the little pledges ungrudgingly, gracefully. p. 124-125

* Do you see then that dependability is, first of all, a personal and spiritual labor? It is a struggle, in fact, against self-centeredness, against thinking you have the right to follow your own immediate moods, to satisfy your own feelings...Now your previous pledges must shape your activities, your schedules, your priorities, and your labor.

---

So I have been working hard and more intentionally at being trustworthy and dependable. It is hard! It is hard to put my own selfishness aside and completely serve my husband. I confess that I do not do this well because I am a very very selfish person. But, I want my husband to trust in me and the only way to achieve that is to actually be trustworthy. It sounds silly but when I started this process I started small - I pledged to have dinner on the table for him every evening when he got home. It isn't always a fancy dinner, but it is there. I pledged to greet him with a cheerful and loving spirit when he returned home regardless of how tired, hormonal, or stressed out I was. Then I moved on to other things like having the house (especially our bedroom) in some sense of order when he gets home so it is a peaceful environment for him. These are small things and things that you are probably thinking, "Sarah, you should have been doing all that already." You are right, I should have.

Like Wangerin says this labor of dependability changes my schedule and day. I get up in the morning and over my first cup of coffee I sit and make a list of what needs to be accomplished that day so that my husband can depend on me.

The world would probably view this as old-fashioned, being a door mat, giving up my freedoms. But the world is wrong. Just like the Bible promises, my joy comes from serving my husband. I feel contentment and peace as I fulfill this charge that I have been given. And the reward - the growth in my relationship with my husband as he sees that his heart truly can trust in me.