I was supposed to be working out. Instead, I spent this rainy afternoon in front of the computer, tears running down my cheeks as I jumped from blog to blog reading adoption stories. I started reading a blog about a family trying to get their son home from Haiti. Then I clicked a few links and was reading a family's story about adopting some children from Uganda. Then I was captivated by a family who adopted children with severe emotional disorders from the state foster care system.
I was weeping quietly.
Because my heart yearns. Conviction pulls at my consciousness.
I stumbled into the world of child social services by "accident." I was out of college and needed a job to pay the bills. The state Department of Family and Children's Services (DFCS) is always hiring. Working for DFCS is intense. I moved from crisis to crisis, making split-second important decisions that would impact the lives of children forever, learning as I went and becoming an "expert" by experience.
I was often overcome with anger when I couldn't find homes for children. I would sit in my car sobbing as I drove away after dropping off another sweet child who just needed some one-on-one attention and love in a home that was already teeming with children who needed the same thing. Every time I had to drive a teenager to a group home hours away from everything they knew I seethed inside.
I hated hearing the stereotypes of kids in the state system. I hated hearing the excuses of people as to why they couldn't possibly consider taking a child into their home. I hated sitting in church, looking around me at the body of Christ, and not seeing a single foster or adopted child in our midst. Why was it that the best foster and adoptive parents I knew were non-religious (and even gasp! homosexuals)? Shouldn't we as Christians, loved by God despite our sin, know more about unconditional love?
During the years that I worked for DFCS and helped direct a private foster care and adoption agency my heart yearned to be on the other side of the picture. I held children in my arms and in my heart that I wanted to keep but had to hand to someone else.
It breaks my heart to think that there are about 147 million orphans in the world. Children of all ages and colors, with different circumstances and needs, but ultimately with no-one to love them or care for them. Here I sit in my 1,800 square foot house, with 2 perfect kids, and a comfortable safe life.
I just can't help feeling the calling growing in my heart. That just maybe, even though I am not the best or most natural of mothers, God can use me. Maybe, even though the road may be long and emotionally trying and full of unknowns, God can use me.
We are considering fostering children in our state DFCS system. We know their needs. We know these children are in our community. We know and have compassion for the situations of many of the birth families. Could it be that our life experiences have perfectly equipped us for this?
And yet, even though I can barely write this through the tears in my eyes and the emotion in my heart, I admit I am afraid. To take this step will shake up our lives in ways we can and can't imagine.
I am afraid of failing.
I guess it comes down to faith. Do I believe God's word is true? Do I believe that if He calls us to this He will also give us the strength we need? Do I believe that obeying Him is more important than my comfort?
I don't know if, when, or how this will unfold. I ask humbly for your prayers.
I was weeping quietly.
Because my heart yearns. Conviction pulls at my consciousness.
I stumbled into the world of child social services by "accident." I was out of college and needed a job to pay the bills. The state Department of Family and Children's Services (DFCS) is always hiring. Working for DFCS is intense. I moved from crisis to crisis, making split-second important decisions that would impact the lives of children forever, learning as I went and becoming an "expert" by experience.
I was often overcome with anger when I couldn't find homes for children. I would sit in my car sobbing as I drove away after dropping off another sweet child who just needed some one-on-one attention and love in a home that was already teeming with children who needed the same thing. Every time I had to drive a teenager to a group home hours away from everything they knew I seethed inside.
I hated hearing the stereotypes of kids in the state system. I hated hearing the excuses of people as to why they couldn't possibly consider taking a child into their home. I hated sitting in church, looking around me at the body of Christ, and not seeing a single foster or adopted child in our midst. Why was it that the best foster and adoptive parents I knew were non-religious (and even gasp! homosexuals)? Shouldn't we as Christians, loved by God despite our sin, know more about unconditional love?
During the years that I worked for DFCS and helped direct a private foster care and adoption agency my heart yearned to be on the other side of the picture. I held children in my arms and in my heart that I wanted to keep but had to hand to someone else.
It breaks my heart to think that there are about 147 million orphans in the world. Children of all ages and colors, with different circumstances and needs, but ultimately with no-one to love them or care for them. Here I sit in my 1,800 square foot house, with 2 perfect kids, and a comfortable safe life.
I just can't help feeling the calling growing in my heart. That just maybe, even though I am not the best or most natural of mothers, God can use me. Maybe, even though the road may be long and emotionally trying and full of unknowns, God can use me.
We are considering fostering children in our state DFCS system. We know their needs. We know these children are in our community. We know and have compassion for the situations of many of the birth families. Could it be that our life experiences have perfectly equipped us for this?
And yet, even though I can barely write this through the tears in my eyes and the emotion in my heart, I admit I am afraid. To take this step will shake up our lives in ways we can and can't imagine.
I am afraid of failing.
I guess it comes down to faith. Do I believe God's word is true? Do I believe that if He calls us to this He will also give us the strength we need? Do I believe that obeying Him is more important than my comfort?
I don't know if, when, or how this will unfold. I ask humbly for your prayers.
3 comments:
we're considering foster care too. i don't know if we're ready to do that kind of situation with the challenges that our current kids face......... but we're considering it.
Definitely praying for you guys. Can't wait to see how all of this unfolds and to watch how the Lord will fulfill your hearts' desires and then sustain you while you do it!
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