There were moments last week that were not pretty. As we all adjusted to our change in schedules and responsibilities there were moments of impatience and unkindness. Thursday seemed to be the day we all hit a brick wall. Jeremiah was disrespectful and disobedient in ways that I thought I wouldn't have to deal with until the teenage years. Nathaniel pitched his first ever full out, scream until you almost vomit, pound your feet in the floor, rage for a full 20 minutes, fit. And I completely lost it. Ugly words came roaring out and my discipline was harsh and angry.
By nap time I felt completely defeated. I lay on my bed sobbing.
I just didn't get it. I had been able to wake early every morning to pray and read my Bible before the boys woke. I felt like I had more energy and patience and joy than I had had in a long while. So what was going on?
Then the thought floated through my mind, "Maybe Satan doesn't like the changes that are happening here. Maybe his arrows have started to fly because He could feel the difference that came in my heart from starting my day focused on Christ." I wanted to dismiss the thought because it seemed too "spiritual." It seemed too threatening, or crazy even. But the thought would not go away.
I pulled out my Bible and decided that since I was thinking about spiritual warfare I would read the passage about the armor of God in Ephesians 6. Here are some phrases that jumped out at me
Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. v10
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood. v12
Stand firm. v13
Then the list of what to put on:
truth, righteousness, readiness given by the gospel of peace, faith, salvation, the Word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit
Once I wrote those things down I realized what a powerful list that was. I realized that I have been given powerful tools to fight this battle that does rage in our house. I don't pretend to understand all the implications of this, or how to actually go about putting on these things every day. But I am learning how to trust that a verse like this does make a difference in my daily life.
On Thursday afternoon, on my knees and with many tears, I fought a battle against the feelings of inadequacy, defeat, jealousy and despair. I chose to focus on truth, righteousness, readiness, faith, salvation, and the Word of God. And even though the afternoon was still challenging the mood was palpably different.
On Friday morning I just didn't think I had the strength to make it through another day. Even before the boys woke I could feel that my patience was thin and my mind was full of defeated thoughts. I read through Ephesians 6 again trying to believe again that the armor was real and my day could be impacted in a very real way by God and His Word.
At breakfast God gave me a gift. Jeremiah read our Psalm and his voice rang clear as he read,
On the day I called, you answered me; my strength of soul you increased. Psalm 138:3
That verse contained all the truth, righteousness, readiness, faith, and salvation that I needed and I felt joy and strength flood my soul and body. What an amazing God I serve!
By nap time I felt completely defeated. I lay on my bed sobbing.
I just didn't get it. I had been able to wake early every morning to pray and read my Bible before the boys woke. I felt like I had more energy and patience and joy than I had had in a long while. So what was going on?
Then the thought floated through my mind, "Maybe Satan doesn't like the changes that are happening here. Maybe his arrows have started to fly because He could feel the difference that came in my heart from starting my day focused on Christ." I wanted to dismiss the thought because it seemed too "spiritual." It seemed too threatening, or crazy even. But the thought would not go away.
I pulled out my Bible and decided that since I was thinking about spiritual warfare I would read the passage about the armor of God in Ephesians 6. Here are some phrases that jumped out at me
Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. v10
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood. v12
Stand firm. v13
Then the list of what to put on:
truth, righteousness, readiness given by the gospel of peace, faith, salvation, the Word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit
Once I wrote those things down I realized what a powerful list that was. I realized that I have been given powerful tools to fight this battle that does rage in our house. I don't pretend to understand all the implications of this, or how to actually go about putting on these things every day. But I am learning how to trust that a verse like this does make a difference in my daily life.
On Thursday afternoon, on my knees and with many tears, I fought a battle against the feelings of inadequacy, defeat, jealousy and despair. I chose to focus on truth, righteousness, readiness, faith, salvation, and the Word of God. And even though the afternoon was still challenging the mood was palpably different.
On Friday morning I just didn't think I had the strength to make it through another day. Even before the boys woke I could feel that my patience was thin and my mind was full of defeated thoughts. I read through Ephesians 6 again trying to believe again that the armor was real and my day could be impacted in a very real way by God and His Word.
At breakfast God gave me a gift. Jeremiah read our Psalm and his voice rang clear as he read,
On the day I called, you answered me; my strength of soul you increased. Psalm 138:3
That verse contained all the truth, righteousness, readiness, faith, and salvation that I needed and I felt joy and strength flood my soul and body. What an amazing God I serve!
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