Soccer Camp Day 1: A mother's thoughts

Do you know what I see when I look at these pictures?
I see myself.
In the slight embarrassment of a boy whose parents insist on snapping pictures. In the excitement of embarking on a new adventure and another step toward independence. In the barely concealed anxiousness of the unknown-ness of the adventure.

This boy of mine is the same age that I was when I started boarding school. I don't have any memories of my first day of boarding school, but I know that I actually loved it. I loved the independence and being surrounded by kids of all ages. I loved living with my friends. Sure, there were moments of homesickness but in general I thrived at boarding school.

Today, I actually kept thinking about my mom and dad. As we drove away from Jeremiah my mind was racing, wondering if he would have fun, if the other kids would realize what a cool kid he was, if the camp counselors realized that I was leaving my treasure under their supervision? I was only leaving him for a day and I still felt like I was leaving a part of myself behind. And it hit me, my parents did this multiple times a year. Leaving me to be cared for by others, to develop my own independence. I had no idea of the pain they must have been in as I blithely and excitedly headed off to school to be separated from them for weeks at a time. I had no idea of the amount of faith it took for them to entrust me to the care of my houseparents but more importantly to God's care.

I breathed deep as we wound our way down country roads and back home. All day long I would breathe a quick prayer as I looked over and had to do a quick double take because I only saw one blond head instead of two. Because loosening the apron strings requires much faith and my hands and heart just want to grab tight.

Listen, I realize this is a tad melodramatic for a simple drop off at summer soccer camp. I get that. But, we home school, so this is my first experience of Jeremiah being gone all day, multiple days in a row, with a bunch of people I don't know so give me a break right? Smile.

time with nathaniel

I am gearing up for the coming week. Aaron is going to be gone all week helping to chaperon the annual youth group retreat. Jeremiah will be at soccer day camp, so I will be dropping him off in the morning and picking him up in the evening. That means that I will be spending a lot of one-on-one time with my little monkey. He is used to always having his brother as a playmate, so I am trying to plan some fun things for us to do together. I want him to feel like he had a special week too.

5 Minute Friday - Grateful

It's been a week of sick, and rest. I'm joining The Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday again. Five minutes to write, no editing, no perfection. :-)
Today's topic: Grateful

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I am rediscovering gratefulness this week. Re-learning how to give thanks and have joy in every moment.

Grateful for a summer cold that has slowed me down and made me rest. Grateful for a man who lets me sleep while he cares for children and home. Grateful for sleep and tea and vitamins and a comfy bed to cocoon in.

Grateful for re-reading books that are reminding me of my priorities. Grateful for the Spirit who speaks to my soul in the wee hours of the night, pulling me back to prayer and His Word and reliance on Him.

Grateful for new patience and self-control. Grateful for silly conversations and good fun with my oldest. Grateful for restful, individual time with my youngest.

Grateful for the summer afternoon thunderstorms that encourage us to keep cozy in our home with books and games and plain old togetherness.

Grateful for renewal.

STOP

Tubing

We have some very dear and generous friends who have been trying to get us out on their boat since last summer. Finally, this past Saturday the weather was right and our schedules aligned so we headed out for a day on the lake. The boys were so excited!
Nathaniel is our little dare-devil and in no time he was jumping off the back of the boat (while it was anchored and we were swimming), even falling backwards. He loves swimming! But to our utter amazement it was Jeremiah who just couldn't get enough of tubing. He wanted to go over and over again and his loud, contagious laugh could be heard over the roar of the engine.

Our annual berry picking day

The Blueberry Farm had been posting on Facebook that the berries were starting to ripen. For days we have been itching to go, but one thing after another kept coming up. This morning dawned cool (for June) and clear so we packed up our snacks and headed out. It ended up being a perfect morning for picking! Not too hot, a slight cooling breeze, lots of little ones underfoot, and so many berries on the bushes that we were picking them by the handful! We got 2 gallons in less than an hour. Jeremiah has turned into quite a picker, getting 1/2 a gallon all by himself! Nathaniel mostly just eats the berries as he goes and had about 10 in his bucket by the time we left. Cherise and Lilly joined us! It was fun to introduce them to our tradition. Other friends from church were there as well.
It was so hard to stop picking when we could see the bushes loaded down with fruit. But the boys were tired and ready to go so maybe we can return again next week. This is one of our favorite summer outings and spending a morning at the Blueberry Farm has definitely become a tradition in our family.

(Cherise took lots of cute pictures, and I downloaded them, but something isn't working. So this 1 picture I took will have to suffice.)

Minimizing Clothes

I am not a fashionista, a shopper, or a clothes horse. Yet, I tend to feel frustrated when I look in my closet (I actually have a wardrobe so I feel extremely European). It is stuffed full of clothes, but very few actually fit me right, look good on me, and are a pleasure to wear. After doing some reading on various blogs and having conversations with like-minded friends about minimizing my wardrobe, I spontaneously decided to take the plunge today. I got most of my inspiration from Project 333 and this checklist.
Here is my process:

I laid everything out on my bed in 3 sections:
1. I love, I enjoy wearing, definitely keep
2. I wear, I think I want to keep but I don't know why
3. Give/Throw away
Pile #1 was actually the smallest pile. It looks like the most because it is spread across the bed, but it has fewer items than pile #2 (which are the 2 piles on the left, back corner of the bed).

I then decided to take the plunge and only put back items from pile #1 in my closet. What better time than now to try this out?

To the left is my give away pile. In the storage bin are the clothes from pile #2. I am keeping them in the bin in our guest room.

This is what my closet looks like with the items from pile #1, my pj's, my "unmentionables", and my workout clothes (which are not allowed to be part of my regular wardrobe).

This is what my closet looks like with only the clothes from pile #1.

A few notes:
- In the past few years my weight has fluctuated a lot. I have this same amount of stuff of clothes I love in one and two sizes smaller. I am also rediscovering my body type and how clothes fit since my recent surgery. I have a few months before the weather cools to either get my rear in gear and loose weight or resign myself to this weight.
- Looking at these clothes I realize that I like neutral, comfortable clothes. I also like to layer.
- This picture is missing 1 wine colored shirt and 1 pair of jeans.
- I haven't limited myself to 33 items. I think right now there are 28 items of clothing in the closet. However, I am not a big accessory person either, so I think I am pretty close to the 33 item mark. Ugh, except I forgot to count shoes! I generally choose between 3 pairs of shoes in the summer.

I am excited about this experiment! I have wanted to do this for a long time, but have never really been brave enough. I wonder what I will learn?

Pursuing the idea of a simplified and/or minimalist lifestyle

I have been thinking about "minimalism" lately. For lots of reasons.

- Sometimes I feel chained down by our stuff. I feel like it owns me instead of me owning it. Sometimes the work of cleaning, organizing, and caring for our stuff just seems so overwhelming. How much more time and less stress would I have if I didn't have so much stuff to take care of? What kinds of things might we do? What kinds of experiences are we missing out on by having so much stuff to maintain?

- Sometimes I feel like consuming stuff is an addiction. That no matter how hard I try to not buy more stuff as soon as I walk into a store something else takes over and I have to get more stuff.

- I feel like our kids are learning to be consumers, and learning to be entitled to stuff. They already know more about eating at restaurants, buying stuff in stores, and name brand things than I ever did as a kid. I don't like this at all. And don't even get me started on all the cheap crappy toys that somehow make their way into our house!

- I am learning more and more about how our things are made, the impact our consumerism has on the environment and others (sweat shops really exist!). I feel more and more convicted that as Christians we should consider this issue more carefully. Does what I choose to consume show love for others or wise stewardship of the earth?

- The more that I think about it the more I realize that my attachment to my stuff and my desire for more stuff is pure and simple idolatry. If I claim that my treasure is in heaven, that God is faithful to supply my needs, that what the Bible says about caring for the poor is really true, then my stuff reveals something about my heart and my priorities.

So far I haven't made any radical changes. I regularly go through our things and get rid of excess books, toys, clothes etc. But none of it is really sacrificial or radical. And we keep replacing what we get rid of with more or new things. But the thought process continues as I read more blogs and talk to like-minded friends. I find myself wanting to make a more radical lifestyle change. (Aaron and I haven't talked about this in depth, and he is a bit more of a "pack rat" than I am. So he may freak out when he reads this.)

Here are some of the blogs I have been reading lately that are giving me much food for thought.

Becoming Minimalist - This post "What is Minimalism" really distills the thoughts I have been having.

A Guy Named Dave - This guy pared all his things down to 100 possessions. While I definitely can't fathom doing that yet, his blog has lots of good conversation about our attachment to possessions.

One Dress Protest - One girl, wearing one dress, for one year. Lots of good stuff here. Definitely worth a read and a scroll through the archives. This post "Minimalism, Fashion & Idolatry" really gave me much to think about as did "The Image of God and Our Earthly Dominion"

I am not sure where this will end up. Any one else thinking about these issues have anything they can share with me?

Summer SeaQuest VBS

The boys are chattering excitedly. They are trying to decide what to wear. Which shirt looks the most like the shirt a pirate would wear? They keep asking me if it is time to leave yet. How many more minutes?
I look at the two of them and my heart constricts a little. It seems like just yesterday that Jeremiah participated in his first VBS at 2 1/2 years old. Sure, he was in the nursery, but still. He loved the songs, and the decorations, and the puppets. And now, time has moved in fast forward, and I see them standing there. Jeremiah suddenly tall and looking more like a young man than a little boy. Nathaniel so full of excitement and enthusiasm. So excited that he got to meet "real pirates" and that he can wear his pirate pj's.
This year they clutch their "Log Books." Jeremiah does the extra work sheets and asks for extra chores in order to get extra points. He reads the songs they are learning and I hear their two voices enthusiastically singing together. Nathaniel doesn't completely understand it, but he knows that the book is important. They work together on saying their memory verses. Nathaniel's come complete with hand motions. I love hearing God's Word on their lips, "For this God is our God, forever and ever, He will be our guide even to the end." Truth proclaimed.
I run around the church organizing and trouble shooting every evening this week. Kids swirl around me. Their eyes light up when they come in the entryway and see the giant mouth of a whale ready to swallow them up. Fish hang from the ceiling. In the sanctuary they set sail on a ship, complete with a mast and a crew of pirates. I see youth group kids helping out. I see adults showing love and patience in the midst of chaos and noise.
I get a glimpse of Nathaniel, proudly leading the line of his class, flag held high. I see Jeremiah in a sea of wiggly 6 year olds, singing and laughing. My boys fly high on the special attention of the teenage boys.
And even though I am exhausted and part of me wants this week to be over already so I can rest, there is another part of me that wants to stop time and enjoy these whirlwind days.

Missing Aaron

Tuesday morning we waved Aaron off. He is spending the week on my brother's 27 foot sailboat, while I co-captain our Summer SeaQuest VBS. I am still wondering what possessed me to suggest that he go on this trip.

The truth is that usually when Aaron is gone for a few days I miss him, but I also kind of enjoy having the evenings to myself. I enjoy being able to be totally selfish with how I spend my time. I even enjoy having the bed all to myself.

This time feels completely different. I feel like I am missing my right arm. And he has only been gone now for a little less than 2 full days. I guess I am coming to see more and more how much I rely on his patience and calm.

This morning I was tired and impatient. I really yelled at the boys in a totally inappropriate way. I scared them. I scared myself. I took a few minutes in the bathroom to pray. Then we had a "family meeting" in which I asked the boys for forgiveness. I asked them if we could all pray that God would send His Spirit so that we could all be kind and loving to each other over the next few days. Jeremiah prayed the most beautiful prayer that went something like this,
"Jesus, Please forgive me for not being self-controlled toward my brother. Please help me not to be angry with him. Show me how I can love him. Please change my heart. Amen."
What a blessing and encouragement to my heart!

1000 Gifts - Father's Day

Jeremiah picked this card out all by himself. Seriously.
And signed the inside all by himself.
I think he gets his sense of humor from his father.

I totally screwed up Father's Day. Really.
Last week I was actually thinking ahead and stopped at the store to have the boys pick out a card for Aaron. We were so busy this weekend with so many things that it never crossed my mind again until we were sitting in church and Travis said something about kids coming up to get a small gift to give to their fathers. Doh. We drove to Atlanta to spend the day and I kept reminding myself to have the boys give Aaron his card when we got home. But, I forgot that too.
The irony in this is that I usually love holidays like this and try to make them special. And I usually get all upset at Aaron when he doesn't do Mother's Day or our anniversary or my birthday like I think he should.
I think however that it should be noted that Aaron is going to be gone all next week, sailing with Will on his sailboat in Maryland. Pretty spectacular Father's Day gift if you ask me!

Since I did such a horrible job remembering to make Aaron feel special on Father's Day I thought I would list the ways he is a great dad
- patient
- encouraging us all to gather in the evenings and memorize scripture
- loving
- playful
- gentle
- humorous
- hard worker
- never complains
- disciplines with love and grace
- encourages the boys to think their own thoughts and find their own way

5 Minute Fridays - Home

Joining The Gypsy Mama again for 5 Minute Friday. A quick 5 minutes to write in the midst of life. No editing (well, I do run a spell check because my spelling is horrendous). Tonight I grab 5 minutes while Star Wars - The Clone Wars plays and little boys are entranced.

Prompt: Home

GO

I never know how to answer when someone innocently asks, "You're not from around here are you? Where are you from?" Because you see, my accent betrays me. I stop and stammer. Do they want the long version or the short version. And really, where am I from anyway?

I am not really from anywhere. Raised in the dusty bush of West Africa, with a stop-over in suburban Philadelphia, coming of age in bustling efficient Netherlands, landing by complete chance on a mountaintop in Georgia, settling in this small southern town where roots are beginning to form.

I feel a fish out of water no matter where I am these days. Where is home? I struggle to let roots run deep. I fight the urge to run before people know too much. I simultaneously desire for my children to experience wide cultures yet grow up with lifelong friends.

Home is wherever my love is. Wherever we nest with these boys that have been given us. Whether that be here where southern accents are thick and life is quietly full, or somewhere we don't know yet. Home is where we are together.

STOP

Read Alouds - Getting a head start on school

We love to read in this house. As a child I always had my nose in a book. Even now my two addictions are reading and sleep. If I could find a way to do both of those at the same time I would have it made! We have read to both boys since they were newborns. Our outing to the library is a highlight of the week. No matter how hard I try to limit the number of books we bring home, we always end up with a huge stack of books just waiting to be read. Jeremiah started reading himself when he was 2 1/2 years old! Even though Nathaniel (at 4 years) is just now showing an interest in learning his letters, he has always loved to sit quietly and listen to me read. Which is amazing since this child rarely sits still and quiet for anything!

When I received our Sonlight Curriculum and started reading through my Instructor's Guide I realized that we could easily start doing the "Read-Aloud" portion of the curriculum this summer. We have a time for reading aloud every day anyway, why not just get a jump start on what we need to get done for the school year? Especially since the books look like so much fun!

This afternoon, after a busy and tiring morning, we snuggled on the couch and started in on Charlotte's Web by E.B. White. Even though my Instructor's guide only had the first 2 chapters scheduled the boys begged for more. I was happy to comply.

(Scheduled Read-Alouds for 2011-2012 school year: Charlotte's Web, Detectives in Toga's, Favorite Poems of Childhood, Follow My Leader, Greek Myths, Henry Huggins, Homer Price, Little Pear, Mountain Born, Mr. Popper's Penguins, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, Understood Betsy, The Year of Miss Agnes)

the Zoo

Nathaniel's favorite animals are the monkeys. Wonder why?

He thinks he's pretty cool stuff.

Jeremiah trying to see if he can jump as far as a cougar.

No fear Nathaniel walks right up to a peacock and was about to try and get a "pretty feh-ver."

Explorers searching for the dinosaurs.

Nathaniel showing his t-rex drawing to the t-rex.

We are not really zoo people. It kind of makes us sad to see animals penned up in cages for our entertainment. But Groupon was offering a year long, family membership to the Chattanooga Zoo for $27.00 and I just couldn't pass up that deal. We went on Friday morning, while it was still cool and not too busy. It was nice to know that we could stay for just as long as was interesting to the boys, because we could always come back another day. I'm pretty sure we will get our money's worth. It's a nice, small zoo so I don't feel worried when the boys run ahead of me. We will return for field trips I am sure. The boys were asking, "Do you have a scavenger hunt for us?" because they had really enjoyed the scavenger hunt at the Tellus museum. So I will try and do something creative for one of our visits. A big plus is that membership to this zoo gets us free admission to a lot of other zoo's around the country, including the Philadelphia Zoo!
The boys favorite thing at the zoo? The carousel.

1000 Gifts

We are finding our summer normal. We took time last week to enjoy each other, get things done, and hang out with friends before our days become busy with some summer responsibilities.

- boys covered in watermelon juice
- enjoying a cooler evening on the back deck
- exercise
- fireflies
- ice cream cones
- conversation with friends, catching up
- staying up late, sleeping in
- time together
- projects getting done
- the boys voices memorizing Psalm 103
- small group gathering at our house again and discussing questions like
Why do Christians not seem to talk about faith and the Bible when we gather for meals?
"Out of the overflow of the heart a man speaks." What does our conversation say about our hearts?
Can I say that I have an abundant life in Christ?
Can I say that Christ truly is my life? He is now who I am. I do not belong to myself any more.

Joining Ann Voskamp at A Holy Experience and continuing to count...

Changing the way we shop for food

Our Saturday morning shopping: cage-free eggs ($2.50/dozen), raspberries ($2.00/box), fresh made (as in yesterday) blackberry jelly ($4.00), cucumbers ($3.00 for all), corn ($1.00/3), peaches ($3.00), potatoes, zucchini & broccoli from our CSA. Everything in this picture is local and fresh picked.

Over the past few years we have slowly evolved our eating habits to include as much locally grown, whole foods as we can. I grew up this way (living Africa without super-markets just led to more self-sustainability and European shops and neighborhood markets foster this idea a lot more) but as an adult in America I initially didn't think much about where my food came from or what was in it. I shopped at big box stores, bought lots of processed foods and the main factor in my purchasing decisions came down to what foods were the least expensive.

In the past few years we have watched documentaries and read books about the food industry. We have slowly become convicted that the decisions we make about the food we eat are important. The way we eat and purchase food has evolved over the past years. We continue to search for local sources and try to eat food that is in season. We buy our grass fed beef from local farmers. We buy honey from a store right down the street, the honey "farmed" just a few miles away. We joined a CSA group (Community Supported Agriculture) that gives us a variety of locally grown veggies once a week from May through October. Our Saturday mornings are spent at the Farmer's Market and the Fruit Stand in our town, chatting with the farmers, listening to the live music, and checking out the produce and goods. The boys usually end up with a free sample of something (this morning it was a small bag of homemade chocolate chip cookies).

We certainly have more room to grow in this area. We still make a trip to Costco every few weeks for our bulk and some organic goods. And we still order pizza or eat out at restaurants when I just don't feel like cooking.

There has been a learning curve. And sometimes eating whole, local foods has been more labor intensive. But when I get home on a Saturday morning and load up my counter with yummy, fresh foods like what you see above I feel so satisfied that I can feed my family healthy food and support local farmers. Plus, everything just tastes better! I had one of those peaches for a snack this morning, the taste was amazing! I just couldn't stop smiling as the juice dripped down my chin.

5 Minute Friday - Backwards

Joining The Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday again. Five minutes of writing, no editing.
Today's prompt: Backwards

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Most days this motherhood thing seems backwards. It seems I should know who I am, be more spiritually and emotionally mature before I have the responsibility of guiding children. Shouldn't I have it together before undertaking a task of this magnitude? What was God thinking?

Of course. The other backward part is that I didn't really realize how big this responsibility was. Which is probably for the best. If I had known then what I know now I would have been scared out of my mind. God knew.

The beauty of this backward-ness is that through this parenting thing I am finding out who I am. This person who I never expected to be. I am gaining more spiritual and emotional maturity than I could ever have dreamed as I rely daily on wisdom that is not my own to guide these children.

It is so backwards: but I am being raised through raising them.

STOP

Unraveled

I'm tired this week. And a little frustrated with myself. My plans for staying structured and disciplined this summer unraveled before they even got started. I've been staying up late and sleeping late. Working on a few little projects but not really having the energy to finish anything. Coming up with dinner at the last minute with whatever we have laying around. I hate doing that. Letting the boys watch so much TV that is has become their go-to idea of something to do.

I think that is ok. It's going to take time to find our "normal" for the summer. We need time to find the balance between what Aaron needs and wants to accomplish, what I need and want to accomplish, and what the boys need to feel loved and cared for.

We have a completely free day tomorrow. I think we should schedule something fun!

(By the way. I have started to learn to knit. It's something I have always wanted to do, and now there is someone to teach me. My first project is a hat for Aaron.)

School plans for 2011-2012 year

As we continue this home school journey it is clear that in order for the kids to learn something, and me not to lose my mind, I need to be honest about my own strengths and weaknesses. The simple truth is that I am not the kind of person who enjoys creating my own curriculum or cobbling our curriculum together from all kinds of sources. I get impatient and easily frustrated. The last thing I want to do is transfer that impatience and frustration into our learning. Especially when the number one reason we are schooling at home for these early years is that we want to encourage a love of learning. Somehow I am pretty sure that my impatience and frustration would not accomplish that goal.

So, I knew that I needed a complete curriculum program that has everything I need to teach my kids. I was willing to pay money for it.

Sonlight Curriculum has been recommended to me by various home schooling families since Jeremiah was 3 years old and reading. I have seen friends use it. I have read about it on various blogs. The more I learned about Sonlight, the more it just seemed to be a good fit for our family. Reading about the books and curriculum excited me, and I figure if I am excited by something my kids will catch that excitement too. Last month I took the plunge and ordered everything I needed from Sonlight for our 2011-2012, 1st grade, school year.

We will be doing:
Core B: Intro to World History (creation through the fall of Rome)
The Core program provides History, Geography, Literature and more.
Language Arts with Grade 2 Readers
Technically Jeremiah is reading on a 6th grade level, but since his grammar, spelling etc. are on target this seemed like the best level to start with. We can always supplement his reading material with things that interest him.
Reason for Handwriting
Science B: Animals, Astronomy and Physics
Horizons 1 Math

We haven't added any formal electives. Jeremiah plays soccer in the fall and we like to go to plays and do other fun things through out the school year.

I haven't ordered any special curriculum for Nathaniel. He loves listening to books and enjoys being part of our History and Science lessons. My goal for him next year is that he learn to recognize his letters and numbers. And I will admit, I have not been working with him very much. I will probably do some kind of "Letter of the Week" program with him.

We will coordinate our school schedule with Aaron's schedule. That makes it easy for us to keep track of.

Our boxes arrived a few weeks ago and as you can see the boys were very excited. We have everything stored away on our school shelves and already the boys like to take out the new books and look at them. Now we can enjoy our summer knowing that everything we need is ready and waiting for us to get started on another fun year of learning.

1000 Gifts - Summer Begins

- Our gorgeous, blossoming hydrangea. The boys take turns clipping blooms, we load up a basket, and put the flowers everywhere we can think of. It is and extravagance of beauty.

- Aaron home for the summer at 10:30 am on Thursday with donuts as a special surprise.

- Our other house rented! Just when I began to get anxious, and doubt, and start to worry. A couple, retiring down here from Indiana (he a pastor, she a school teacher) liked the house and like yard work. A perfect fit!

- A date. Good food at a new favorite place. Ice cold drinks on a warm summer evening, listening to music and people watching. Delicious cake and good conversation.

- Tucking sleeping boys into their beds. Worn out from a day of fun.

- Late, lazy mornings. Even though we had intended to keep a summer schedule. Hey, we should enjoy our first few days of summer right?!

5 Minute Friday - Every Day

I am joining The Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday again. Writing for 5 minutes, no editing.
Today's topic, Every Day

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Every day requires a cup of coffee. Every day I wonder just what I am doing. Every day I feel slightly, uncomfortably foreign, no matter where I am. Every day I struggle to keep my temper. Every day I struggle to be disciplined over food and exercise and the things that need to be done. Every day I think of all the things I have done wrong, the ways I have failed.

Every day I marvel at the beauty of my children. Their joy, abandon, generosity, ability to forgive. Every day I snuggle each of them a little bit. Every day I grieve a few seconds for moments that are flowing away. Every day I see my husbands patience and perseverance. His quiet strength and comfort. Every day I marvel at his desire for me and this life that we are building together. Every day I see glimpses of grace.

His mercies truly are new every morning.

Stop

Again for some reason I can't get the whole button code to work. Join the 5 Minute Friday here.

Being ready

You shall teach them (commandments) diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down. -Deuteronomy 6:7

...preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. -2 Timothy. 4:2

...always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you... -1 Peter 3:15

We are sitting at the breakfast table. The summer sun streams through the window and I can already tell the day is going to be hot. My mind is racing with to-do lists, worries, thoughts of what needs to get done this week. Jeremiah suddenly speaks, "Mama, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure sweetie." I answer. Expecting something mundane about what we are going to do today or if he can have seconds. I am looking over our grocery list and am giving him just the edge of my attention.

"I was just wondering how it is that when Jesus died on the cross he took away our sins?"

These are the moments of mothering that terrify me the most. These questions, asked seriously, and out of the blue, in the midst of daily life. These questions whose answers are eternal. I tremble when I think of my responsibility to teach my children about the grace that most days I still struggle to understand myself.

I have shared the message of grace, the reason for the "hope that is within me" on public squares in Amsterdam, on stages at Bible school and youth concerts in Northern Ireland, after puppet shows in North Georgia, to friends who were skeptical and dismissive. But never with as much fear and trembling as I did on this sunny summer morning over our own breakfast table.