More Bullet Points

Would you believe me when I say that I have all kinds of cool blog posts rolling around in my head? I also have pictures waiting to be put on the computer, but the USB cable is missing so...
I guess that bullet point updates are just going to be the norm for a little while so here we go again.

- I cut Nathaniel's hair the other day. It is so fine and thin that every mistake I made was glaringly obvious so I decided to just do the summertime buzz cut thing. Oh how cute he looks! His gigantic blue eyes melt me. This of course would be a great place to insert a picture. But you will just have to imagine how much Nathaniel now looks my younger brother used to look every summer when he got his hair buzzed.

- The "ba" habit has been broken! The first few days were rough with Nathaniel asking for his "ba" every time he went to sleep and sometimes in between. But we are now on our 3rd day in which it has never been mentioned. He seems fine, although I think he would sleep past 6:30 in the morning if he still had it. Oh well. My biggest concern now is how he will do on our trip to Holland.

- Our trip to Holland!! Is almost here!! 10 days!!

- Some friends were cleaning out their garage and gave us a small plastic wading pool. The small size has not been a deterrent to how much fun the boys can contrive. The other day they had detached the plastic slide, put it the pool and were surfing on it. Again, a picture would be nice but your imagination will have to do.

- No word on Aaron's job yet.

- Jeremiah finally agreed to at least get his hair trimmed as long as it didn't get cut short. I took him to a real hair stylist today. His hair is now officially more beautiful than mine. Seriously.

- We got a check in the mail for exactly the cost of what the Sonlight Curriculum for Jeremiah would be next year if we decide to order it. It seems our escrow account was miscalculated. God does take care of us.

My Eeyore Syndrome (1000 Gifts 20)

We used to have this game that we played in sociology class where we identified every one we knew as one of the characters from Winnie-the-Pooh. The kicker was that we usually ended up being the character that we like the least. I've thought about this often, especially now that we read and listen to the Winnie-the-Pooh books over and over again. As much as I dislike it, I am an Eeyore. Not the cute, just slightly down Eeyore of the Disney books and movies, but the constantly negative, self-depreciating, depressed Eeyore of the original books. I am always envious of those enthusiastic, energetic Tigger's I know. The calm Pooh's who just live life and know it will all work out.

That is why I count my gifts. Because as much as I wish it did, gratitude does not come naturally for me. Even in the midst of my bountifully blessed life, in which I have more stuff and food than I know what to do with and in which I have yet to experience any deep, heart breaking loss I still grumble and gripe and complain.

Noticing the gifts and writing them down every evening before I sleep helps me combat my Eeyore syndrome by taking my eyes off of myself and seeing God at work around me.

- a good night's sleep
- listening to rain fall
- a cardinal nest in the juniper tree
- bright red amaryllis blooms, prolific in the yard
- a wood pecker
- Jeremiah's insistence on planting an apple seed so that we don't have to buy fruit from the store any more
- magnolia blossoms, pure white and lovely
- a husband who takes care of the kids so that I can indulge myself in coordinating a wedding
- the beauty of a bride on her wedding day
- the look of joy & amazement on a grooms face as he watches his bride come to him
- the bittersweet reminder that one day my son's will leave me
- the breathtaking view of the valley from Lookout Mountain
- Nathaniel asking to sit next to his friend Eli at the reception
- worship in song:
There is no one else for me, none but Jesus
Crucified to set me free, now I live to bring Him praise.

I join the gratitude community by counting my daily gifts. They number 440 in my journal, I choose some to share here.

Interrupted

Last week Friday our computer stopped working. I spent a whole week here at home without a computer. I have so much to blog about what that taught me! :-) But, that will all have to come later. For now a quick bullet point update will have to do.

- Schools around here are finally posting job openings! On Friday 3 positions were posted online that Aaron can apply for in area schools. I had already sent resume packets to all of those schools so we will be following up with phone calls and formal applications. We continue to pray and trust God's provision.

- Nathaniel fell yesterday and hurt the inside of his bottom lip. Lots of blood and a small split but I don't think stitches are necessary. However, there is no way we can let him have his "ba" (pacifier). So it could be that the whole "When do we take the ba away?" question may have been answered for us. So far nap times are really rough.

- In 2 weeks from Tuesday we leave for Holland! British Airways cabin crew are threatening strikes and there is still sporadic volcanic ash all of which could change our travel plans. Some times I feel silly praying against strikes and volcanic ash but I know that God is in control of those details too.

- Jeremiah has memorized Psalm 23, and so has Nathaniel for the most part. I love watching their little minds soak up God's Word.

- Jeremiah has been wait-listed for the Georgia Virtual Academy (GVA) . There were so many people in our state applying for Kindergarten that they had to hold a lottery to see who would get the free curriculum slots. We had decided to purchase Sonlight Curriculum if he didn't get in GVA so we will decide after our vacation what to do.

takes

I thought it was fun to see all the takes to get our Mother's Day picture. So many great expressions. Lots of laughs. Such fun boys.

1000 Gifts (19) Mother's Day

That's me and my boys on Mother's Day. Right before church and right after they had run crazy around the yard laughing hysterically as they chased a little dog we were taking care of. I was showered with love and kisses and hand made cards. During worship I could feel Jeremiah's hand tangling my hair as he sang "I am bound, I am bound, I am bound for the promised land!" at the top of his lungs. Nathaniel was in my arms his head nestled in that one spot on my shoulder that perfectly cradles his head. And my tears flowed freely as I sang,

"I am not ashamed of the Name above all Name's for it has the power to heal and to save. Strength for the weary and peace to the troubled soul. Peace to the troubled soul. It's the name of Jesus. It's the name of Jesus. Mightier than mountains he lives among the weak. Ruler eternal we kneel at your feet. Jesus name above all."

It was a day for counting:
- being a mother
- Jeremiah's excitement about presenting his Mother's Day card, just so
- spontaneous hugs during worship
- a long afternoon spent talking and visiting with friends while our kids played all around
- getting to know people better
- connectedness with friends who are also brothers and sisters in Christ
- Nathaniel's cute way of talking with that precise enunciation and little lisp all at the same time
- the hysterical joy of boys chasing (and being chased by) a dog
- a card from Aaron, a man of few words encouraging me with just the right ones
- cool air after an unseasonably hot week
- cake

I choose to be a joy finder and count my gratitude gifts, now numbering 405!, in my journal. I choose to link up with this community and share some of them here.

Spring in our yard

This post may bore everyone except my mother. However, now that we have lived in this house for a whole year (!) we feel like we are finally settling. We are beyond blessed with this place. We realized this spring just how much we truly are blessed with this yard. We spent every waking minute outside enjoying beauty. We sat on the deck to read books, ate meals in the gazebo, and laid on blankets in the changing shade.

I have never seen so many azalea bushes in one yard in my life! Every bright color imaginable. This is just the one side of our front yard. There are these many azalea bushes on the other side too! The morning sun streams through the dining room window (far right next to the carport) and we start the morning looking at all that color.

This little walkway and gate next to the house always charm me. Flanked with azaleas and rhododendron I always feel like I am being invited into a secret world or something.

Our bulb garden was bright and glorious with early crocus followed by daffodils and tulips. I was so happy with how it turned out. Now the hosta, hydrangea and ferns are filling in to make a cool green summertime bed. We moved a bird bath here so that we could watch the birds from the sun room. A certain red cardinal especially liked to bathe here in the early morning light.

The border fence between us and our neighbor is a riot of flowering shrubs. Provides privacy and beauty at the same time!

This little corner of the yard is not used much now but has 2 of my favorite trees, our weeping cherry and Japanese maple. The sandy spot in the foreground is where the koi pond used to be. It is now a big sandpit that the boys like to play in (see top very picture) but we are hoping this summer to make a little seating area so that we can enjoy the shade here.

The boys have really enjoyed their independence in the yard. They are free to come in and out of the back yard as they please. For me, a fence is worth its weight in gold! It has been amazing for me to let them go out and play while I work inside (or rest in a chair on the deck). This year already our yard has been the setting for Peter Pan play as well as jungle animal hunts, hide and seek, and great hobbit adventures.

Scary stuff

I wrote this yesterday, but now I am not sure if I should post it....

There has been so much going on in our spiritual lives that I really don't even know how to put it into words. It's just this feeling I have that the Spirit is moving and preparing us for something...but I don't know what.

It's kind of uncomfortable really.

Our worship times on Sunday morning have been so real and inspiring. Every Sunday I really feel God's presence among us as we worship. Tears of joy and conviction have come every week. Some days I know that I would be physically on my knees if I wasn't holding Nathaniel.

Then there are the conversations we have been having with our small group and other friends. Conversations that ask hard questions. What does it mean to be a disciple? What does it mean to live in intentional community with each other? What does it mean to live as if Jesus was going to return any minute? How much does God ask us to give? What should our lives look like if we are truly trying to further the Kingdom?

None of these questions have easy answers. And some of our answers feel radical and counter-cultural and just plain scary.

I am the kind of person who wants it all spelled out for me. I want rules to follow and formulas of how much time, money etc. to give. I don't like this feeling of not knowing.

Yesterday, this song started playing on our Veggie Tales Worship cd of all things. I realized that it expresses my feelings right now perfectly. I don't know exactly what God is preparing us for, but I do know that He is working in the secret, quiet places of our hearts. I also know that my spiritual heart is starting to desire to know God better and deeper more that I want anything in this world. And that is just a tad scary....

In the Secret Place (I want to know you more)
- by Andy Park
In the secret in the quiet place
In the stillness You are there
In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait only for You
'Cause I want to know You more

I want to know You, I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more
I want to touch You, I want to see Your face
I want to know You more

I am reaching for the highest goal
That I might receive the prize
Pressing onward, pushing every hindrance aside out of my way
'Cause I want to know You more.

It's a zoo around here

I loved these cool gates at the entrance to the zoo.
(I have no idea why Jeremiah looks like he is going to wet his pants...)

Nathaniel insisted on walking around with his sunglasses on and map in his hand.
"I use da map to see all da animals!"

The jaguar was pretty cool.

This beautiful fellow was just sparkling in the sun.

It seemed the highlight of the day was petting and feeding the pig. Go figure.

The carousel is fun too. Jeremiah chose to ride the turtle.

Nathaniel was crazy about this frog.

After a busy day of cooking on Tuesday (all my meals for the month of May are in my freezer, yipee!), in which the boys were banished from the kitchen and did a pretty good job of sharing their things and space with Eli, I decided this morning that we all needed a fun change of pace. I remembered that Wednesday is $1.00 day at the Chattanooga Zoo so off we went. It's not the fanciest or biggest zoo in the world, but for $1.00 each it is fun to spent a few hours walking around and seeing what there is to see. Since it is not a huge zoo I can give Jeremiah some freedom to run around a bit by himself as long as we set rules about which paths he can stay on and when he needs to return to me. He likes his independence.

Jeremiah liked the reptile house the best. He was fascinated with the snakes. We watched a gigantic yellow python climbing up a rock wall. Jeremiah also liked the huge, brightly colored macaw birds and the red panda's which I must admit are the cutest little things I have ever seen. Nathaniel seemed interested in the jaguar, which was pacing right in front of the viewing window, and the funny looking little monkeys (I can't remember what they were called). He was pretty impressed with the snakes too.

It was a nice way to spend the morning hours and a good break for all of us.

1000 Gifts (18)

- Jeremiah's prayer last night, "Thank you God that I can read my Jesus Storybook Bible. I love reading about Jesus!"
- Nathaniel knowing how to make us laugh.
- Having gray storm clouds above me, but seeing the sun shining bright on the mountains in the distance. God is speaking to me through nature.
- An encouraging email.
- Tempestuous spring weather.
- Jeremiah spotting birds in the yard so he can excitedly come in and tell me which ones he has seen "because I know you love birds!"
- Daring to pray specific prayers.
- "So that with yonder sacred throng we at his feet may fall. We'll join the everlasting song and crown him Lord of all!" sung with my brothers and sisters in Christ. A taste of heaven.
- Air conditioning.
- Jeremiah building a fort in his room.
- Card games.
- The simple goodness of bread, butter & jam.

1000 Gifts (17)

My gift journal continues to fill. Some days I scribble and scribble my hand not able to keep up with the gifts that I try to record. Some days I sit and reflect and have to dig deep because distraction or grumpiness or selfishness have blurred my vision and the gifts seem few and far between. Yet, I am starting to see a change in my consciousness. Even on hard days when I feel trial and temptation I feel the need to praise. I am learning that because God is good His gifts are in fact surrounding me even when I am prone to despair. And I am learning, to quote a friend, that "God's definition of good and my definition of good have not always been the same."

- communion with Him, early in the morning
- watching the boys be welcoming and sharing
- grocery shopping and dinner at Panera, alone (!)
- gentle spring rain
- vulnerability
- thunderstorms
- knowing I am not alone
- deeper honesty
- knowing we are being prayed for (and feeling that)
- walking home from church, Jeremiah's hand in mine, talking about what he learned in Sunday school & singing worship songs
- Nathaniel's head on my shoulder as I worship
- confession of sin
- hamburgers on the grill
- yard sale finds (God's provision)
- beautiful flowers cut from bushes in the yard, arranged in mason jars

I keep a gratitude journal with my gifts now numbering 364. I share some of them here. You can read more, or join the community yourself by clicking on the button below.

Feeling truth

It has been a rough week for me. One thing after another seems to be piling up on me. I am thankful that I have largely responded to various people and situations with grace but I have felt and underlying current of anxiety. Yesterday I was snappy and short tempered. I just wanted to be left alone. I had to ask Jeremiah's forgiveness numerous times for losing my temper with him.

I have been remembering discussions we have been having in Sunday school as we discuss the book Waking the Dead by John Eldridge. This world is not as it seems. There is a spiritual battle waging around us. We are an important part of that battle. When we are following God from our heart and seeking to bring the Kingdom the enemy will attack us. I have felt the stings of the enemy's arrows this week as he seeks to steal, kill and destroy.

This morning all I really wanted to do was stay in bed. As the sun rose and the responsibilities of the day loomed ahead I asked God to encourage me. I asked for grace and strength. I pleaded for a filling of the Spirit that I could physically feel and know. The Bible promises that we will be strengthened when we are weak and filled when we are empty. I needed those promises to be really true, not just theoretically true.

As I was making breakfast the song Days of Elijah came on the radio. Jeremiah came running into the kitchen saying, "Turn it up mama! I love this song!" Nathaniel immediately asked to be picked up so we could dance. So there we were, dancing around the kitchen and singing at the top of our lungs. Then, as we repeated, "There is no God like Jehovah!" getting louder and louder with each repetition Nathaniel looked straight at me and said, "MAMA! ALEXANDER IS OUT OF PRISON!"

(Note: Alexander is the director of the puppet ministry in India that our dear friend Ms. Linda planted this year. He was beaten and imprisoned for doing puppet shows and sharing the gospel with children. He has a wife and 3 year old daughter. We have been praying daily for him and found out yesterday that he was released on bail.)

It was in that moment that I felt grace, peace, and strength literally flood my heart. Really. In a way that I cannot explain and that would make non-believers scoff. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, as I stood in my kitchen worshiping and witnessing the faith and joy of my children, that God is real and His promises are true. His kingdom is advancing and He will return on the clouds to make everything new. Hallelujah!

There is no God like Jehovah!

Once a month cooking

Another post on mundane domestic topics. Which will undoubtedly bore most of you to death but is such an exciting epiphany for me that I just have to share.

See that picture? That is my freezer full of food! Not just random food but prepared meals for the month of April. As in, I didn't have to make a single meal plan or unwillingly spend an hour in the kitchen every night preparing a meal from scratch.

My friend and I spent 8 hours one day in the beginning of April following the instructions and cooking all of the meals that we got from the site Once a Month Mom. It was so easy. And we actually enjoyed the day together (since our kids were being cared for by their fathers) cooking and chatting. We certainly were tired by the end of the day, but the satisfaction and the payoff made a little fatigue well worth it.

I can't tell you how much this has changed my life. And I don't think I am exaggerating here. I disliked all the time and energy that went into meal planning, grocery shopping, and daily cooking. Those were just not chores that I enjoyed. So for the last 2 weeks I have felt such a freedom! With a selection of quick breakfast foods weekend mornings have been less stressful. Lunch time remains mostly the same since my boys love peanut butter and jelly. So we have been using the lunch items for dinner or snacks. Which brings me to dinner.

This is how I now prepare dinner.

On Monday I consult the check list of foods that are in the freezer to see what we have. I chose the meals we are going to have that week and take them out of the freezer to thaw in the fridge. Each day I look briefly at the completely prepared meals in the fridge and either dump one in the crock-pot to cook all day or grab the dish and stick it in the oven about 30 minutes before we want to eat. I add some fresh veggies and sometimes some rice or bread and voila! dinner is done!

I estimate that in the last 2 weeks I have already saved between 14-20 hours of time!

Not to mention the fact that I feel a huge burden off of my mind. And I don't have to do my usual large, long weekly grocery shop with 2 kids in tow. And the hour before dinner is no longer the crazy, hectic, insane hour that it used to be. And I have been able to easily invite people over for dinner because I know that I have enough food, and it's already prepared, and I can actually enjoy my guests. And I have been able to enjoy this beautiful spring weather out in the yard with my husband and kids instead of watching them play from the kitchen.

My friend and I are both so excited about this that we have another cooking day planned for early in May.

1000 Gifts (16)

- the azalea bushes surrounding the house, all in bright overwhelming riotous color
- the peace that comes with sitting on the grass, back against a strong tree, and breathing deep
- Jeremiah kindly and gently taking Jude by the hand
- honesty
- a night out with other couples, dinner shared, coffee savored, conversation flowing, laughter easy
- walking to church in brisk air and clear sunshine
- encouragement from a mature sister in Christ, "God gave you your sons. He will also give you what you need to raise them."
- Jeremiah's made up song
God is love
God is love
God is love
Because He died on the cross
(tune of "God is so good")
- tears in worship as we sing
As we all bow down, as we all come casting off our crowns
Father hear our cry, we want to see you glorified

As we join as one, as we live to let your kingdom come
Father in our lives, we want to see you glorified

Glorify your name! Glorify your name! Glorify your name! We want to see you glorified!

Seeing

I am learning to see beauty in the little things around me. On days when I feel my voice getting clipped and impatient and my shoulders tensing up I take out my camera and try to get a new perspective. I wander about the yard looking at light and color. I try, mostly in vain, to capture the way the spring sunlight is filtering through the trees. I try to capture the brilliance of the evening sun setting a bright pink azalea bush aflame.

It's not so much about the photography (which I think is ok but doesn't have that wow factor that I see on other blogs). It's about breathing and seeing. It's about noticing the detail in the creation that I usually just give a cursory glance to. I see God's love and care and creativity in every single flower. I watch the birds splash in the bird bath and feel simple joy. I lay in the grass and feel the last warming rays of the spring sun touch my face.

In taking those moments to notice I realize that I too am noticed.

A good morning

Yesterday I got a little bit overwhelmed. And I mostly left the boys to their own devices when it came to entertaining themselves. Filling out stacks of application forms and putting together resume packets tends to have that effect. So today I decided that a morning of my undivided attention and some outdoor fun was in order. We went to the Chickamauga battlefield and...

...played in a dried out stream bed

...climbed Wilder tower






...ran through the fields

...had sword fights with sticks.

We also had a picnic lunch. Laid on blankets in the shade of a maple tree and made up stories while we watched the light filter through the new leaves. Sneezed a lot from all the pollen drifting through the air. Hunted wild flowers in the grass. Laughed.

It was a great way to spend the morning.

Tuesday morning randomness

Last week was Aaron's spring break. We had a wonderful, busy week full of work and fun. I feel refreshed and ready to tackle the busy-ness of the next few weeks and months. The boys were so excited to have so much time to spend with their papa. The weather was beautiful and they probably spent every waking minute outside. They have been sleeping well!

We were not able to do a lot regarding Aaron's job situation last week as all the surrounding school systems were also on spring break. However, we were able to have a morning date together and really talk about our thoughts and feelings. We continue to both feel a total lack of panic. This is truly only by God's grace. We really do feel that God is in total control of this situation and that He has a good plan for Aaron's career and for our family. I must also say that we have felt an incredible amount of support and love from everyone around us. Our small group is praying diligently and many of our friends and family have given such loving support and encouragement.

This week is the week where we really start sending out Aaron's resume and application to various school systems around us. I have spent a lot of time on the phone making initial inquiries. This morning I was tempted to despair because everyone was telling me that they don't know if they will have any job openings or not. But I was able to take a moment to pray and feel God's love and presence around me.

We bought Jeremiah some Shel Silverstein books and he is enthralled! He loves the silly rhymes and crazy words. During rest time he sits outside in the grass reading and reading. He has also started to make up stories of his own. I really must write them down as they are quite interesting and involved and full of detail.

Spring truly has sprung here! Our yard is beautiful and we have been taking full advantage of it. Most lunches and dinners we eat out on the deck. We had small group out on the deck this past Sunday and we also had our first of hopefully many cookouts with friends this past weekend. One of our "mystery" trees turned out to be a lilac! The numerous azalea bushes are now in full bloom and the dogwood trees surrounding us are just gorgeous. We feel so blessed to be living in this house with this beautiful yard that we enjoy so much.

So, that is my randomness for today. The pictures above are of the tiny wild flowers that grow in our grass. It always makes me sad when Aaron mows and they are gone, but then a few days later I see them again. They are such beautiful little "weeds" that remind me to see grace and joy in even the most seemingly mundane moments.

1000 Gifts (15) Easter

- Christ is risen! He is risen indeed!
- trees beginning to blossom
- a red tulip among the yellow daffodils
- a day spent with my family in Christ
- the boys playing freely and enthusiastically with room to roam
- joyful, silly traditions (cascarones, the smashing of the eggs)
- sitting in the shade of a flowering tree and chatting with my lady friends
- watching my husband quietly serve, always with joy
- seeing my boys making memories alongside the children of my friends from college
- laughter
- feeling part of community, developing roots
- the truth of this song on Easter morning:
Oh to see my name written on His wounds
For through your suffering I am free
Death is crushed to death, life is mine to live
Won through your selfless love

This the power of the cross
Son of God, slain for us
What a life, what a cost
We stand forgiven at the cross

I am counting my gifts along with the gratitude community. They number 322 in my journal, some of which I choose to share here.