Learning to "wing it"

It seems as if we are finally emerging from our sickness. Jeremiah slept the whole night through last night without a coughing fit. That seems like such a simple sentence, but his coughing fits were so bad and frequent that I knew he wasn't getting good rest at night. I still get exhausted pretty quickly, but I can tell that my antibiotics are finally kicking in. We are looking forward to packing up the van and heading north on Sunday. 

But oh.my.goodness this is the most unprepared I have been for a trip ever.

Usually I start preparing for a trip weeks in advance. I make lists and start gathering things I think we will need. If we are traveling by car I usually bake healthy snacks for the road. I usually clean the house from top to bottom because I hate coming home from vacation to a cluttered, dirty house. 

This time we are going to wing it. Which goes absolutely against my nature.

This week I ditched the lists and the plans because my priority was rest. We needed to all get better if we are going to actually enjoy our trip. So I am digging up enough clean clothes to pack today. We got some coupons for Chick-fil-A and I think I have enough granola bars in the pantry to fill in for snack time. We will definitely be closing the door on a messy house when we head out.

Thankfully the boys are older so winging it comes a bit easier. Some friends have let us borrow a portable DVD player for the van and we have a few new books and toys. They are better at sitting still and entertaining themselves. As for eating, thankfully we are past the feed every 2 hours stage so as long as we know where Chick-fil-A is along the way I think we will manage just fine. And honestly, if we forget something important we can pick it up at a store because Philadelphia has stores too! Imagine!

I realized this week that in the past, every time we have gone on a trip I stress and obsess but it always ends up being ok. Most of the time it ends up being better than ok, it ends up being great! So we will rest more today, do some last minute things tomorrow, and then hit the road! Our family is waiting at the other end and getting there to spend time with them is truly all that matters!

How they see me

After finishing my workout Nathaniel looked at me and exclaimed, "Mama! You are so sparkly!" 

For my birthday Nathaniel gave me a Cinderella birthday card complete with glitter and lights and "Bibbity-Bobbety-Boo" playing at the press of a button. He told me he picked it because it played my favorite song and because "I thought you needed a princess card."

I told Jeremiah I was going to get my haircut. He said, "Why don't you wait until we get to Philadelphia?" I replied, "Because I want to get it done before we go to Philadelphia so that I will look pretty for our trip."
"I think you look pretty just the way you are now."

Aaron takes me shopping. All I see in the 3-way dressing room mirror are my imperfections, a body that doesn't match my idea of beautiful. He sees beauty and says so. 

Why can't I learn to see myself the way the most important men in my life do? 

Letting go

The week unfolds differently than I had planned. Bathrooms stay dirty, laundry stays piled, and healthy snacks for the road remain uncooked as we give in to rest. A weekend of fevers and deep coughs for Jeremiah, 10 days of low-grade sick and lack of energy for me, a snotty nose for Nathaniel have us going to the doctor this afternoon. We are hoping for antibiotics to get us feeling like ourselves again.

And the lesson I am learning is to let go. To let go of my expectations and just be patiently present for what is. The fun and joy of our visit to Philly for Thanksgiving depends not on what I can check off of my to-do list but on the attitude of my heart. Sure, it is not ideal to come back from vacation to dirty bathrooms and piles of laundry, but the attitude of my heart not the condition of my house will determine my joy. I can grouch and worry and whine through this week as I think of all the things I would ideally like to do. Or I can purpose to create a peaceful, restful environment (despite the dirty dishes and the dusty shelves) for us all to heal. 

So we stay in our pj's and drink lots of juice and snuggle on the couch and watch lots of movies and read lots of books and take long afternoon naps. And I feel so much grace as brothers call me with offers of help (not even knowing how sick we are) and emails encourage me to rest and remind me to just show up so we can be loved on. I watch the falling leaves pile high on the back deck littered with toys that really should be put away. But I breathe deep and turn away. Letting it go.

Practicing gentleness

I am tired this morning. We have all been fighting off some kind of bug and while I am not sick enough to crawl into bed and ignore the world I feel generally tired, scratchy throat, and on the cusp of really getting sick. Last night I intended to go to bed early and get some good sleep. But Jeremiah was coughing, and then some drunk guy called our home phone, and then my brain was going with everything I need to get done, and then at 3:30am Jeremiah was coughing again and Nathaniel's sheets needed to be changed and I pretty  much never got back to sleep after that. 

The thing is that I have too much to do. I really can't afford to be sick right now. My to-do list for our trip to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving is a whole page long and so far nothing is crossed off. There are busy days scheduled between now and the time we leave. My house is in a constant state of disorder, and while I am not a perfectionist and can overlook disorder for periods of time, eventually the disorder gets to me and makes me anxious and irritable.

On Wednesday morning I canceled our weekly women's Bible study because it seemed like the right thing to do. I was looking forward to a day in my pajamas to rest and maybe try to bring some order to the house. Aaron called early. He had accidentally locked his keys in the car with the radio going. I would need to load up the kids to bring the spare key right away so the battery wouldn't die. I brewed some tea, grabbed some granola bars and loaded the kids into the car. This was not my plan for the morning and the irritation was on the tip of my tongue. As I drove through the beautiful fall colored back roads of North Georgia I pondered the verses from our Bible study this past week.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. No not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:4-7

I tend to read through these familiar verses quickly. I have heard them so much in my life that they don't really mean anything. My brain, busy with the business of myself and my day, skims these words and blithely moves on. Of course I will always rejoice, I think. Of course if I was like Paul and in prison for my faith I would rejoice, I am a good Christian after all.

On Wednesday morning as our van wound its way under trees aflame with fall the Spirit whispered to me. Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all.  Gentleness as a sign of rejoicing?! What does that mean? I have definitely not been gentle the past few days as I grouch through housework and berate through discipline and bark impatiently through instruction.

The Lord is near.  Again, my perspective is so skewed. I go about my day with my needs and plans in mind. I push others aside in order to "get stuff done." How often do I look around my home and consciously think, The Lord is near? Would the laundry piled on the couch waiting to be folded really matter that much if I acted like The Lord is near? Would the way I speak to my kids or spend time with my husband or spend my few precious minutes of "alone time" change if I knew in my heart of hearts that The Lord is near?

Do not be anxious about anything...I assume that means the big things like poverty and persecution. But what if it means the little things like what will actually get done before we hit the road for our Thanksgiving vacation? What if it means the little things that I dismiss as petty, but that still make me anxious? The unwashed dishes and the disorganized closets and the looming empty suitcases and the boys who run outside without their jackets even though they are sniffling and coughing and the bills that have to be paid and the never ending grocery list and the dirty bathrooms?

As I drive and ponder I hear from the back of the van, "Please don't be angry mama, but I spilled some of my juice." My heart cracks wide at the first words out of my son's mouth, "Please don't be angry mama...." and the Spirit speaks again, Let your gentleness be evident to all. The lecturing words that were on the tip of my tongue fly away as I breathe deep. This is the practice of rejoicing in all things. The daily, disciplining work of actually being gentle and bringing peace. "It's o.k. sweetie." I smile to him in the rear view mirror, "It's just juice, we can clean it up together when we get home." And the tears well in my eyes because in that moment of my heart change I can feel that The Lord is near.

Perspective

In our morning prayer time (using Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals) the daily readings have been from Revelation. I used to avoid the book of Revelation because I honestly have no idea what it means, and I am not one to sit and talk hours of theology over the end times because it seems kind of pointless. But our pastor recently reminded us that the point of the book of Revelation is really quite simple: 

God wins. 

And to read it from that perspective has been refreshing. 

With that perspective in mind I share these beautiful verses that we read on Monday morning:

The second woe has passed; the third woe is coming soon.

The seventh angel sounded his trumpet, and there were loud voices in heaven which said:

"The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ, and he will reign for ever and ever."

And the twenty four elders, who were seated on their thrones before God, fell on their faces and worshiped God, saying:

"We give thanks to you; Lord God Almighty, the One who is and who was, because you have taken your great power and begun to reign.

The nations were angry; and your wrath has come.

The time has come for judging the dead, and for rewarding your servants the prophets and your saints and those who reverence your name, both small and great --

and for destroying those who destroy the earth."

Then God's temple in heaven was opened, and within his temple was seen the ark of his covenant. And there came flashes of lightning, rumblings, peals of thunder, an earthquake and a great hailstorm.

- Revelation 11:14-19

As I read this passage the boys were wide-eyes and completely still. Can you picture it? The angel sounding his trumpet and the loud voices in heaven and the elders falling on their faces proclaiming God's glory and truth and righteousness, and the heavens ripping open and the holiness of God flashing and thundering and shaking the earth? I get goosebumps when I read these reminders of the holiness and power of my God. Tears come to my eyes because I know that even though I stumble sinfully through this life, and I grieve over war and famine and death and injustice, God will win.

We were recently introduced to a new song that has quickly become a favorite for our family, The Earth Is Yours by Gungor.We turn it up loud and dance crazy around the house because we serve the God who created this earth and who will return to make all things that are wrong right again. God will win.

The Earth Is Yours by Gungor from the album Beautiful Things

Your voice it thunders
The oaks start twisting
The forest sounds with cedars breaking
The waters see You and start their writhing
From the depths a song is rising

Now it’s rising from the ground

Holy, Holy
Holy, Holy Lord
The earth is Yours and singing
Holy, Holy
Holy, Holy Lord
The earth is Yours
The earth is Yours

Your voice it thunders
The ground is shaking
The mighty mountains now are trembling
Creation sees You
And starts composing
The fields and trees they start rejoicing.

Now it's rising from the ground
It’s rising from the ground
Hear us crying out
Hear us crying out

Holy, Holy
Holy, Holy Lord
The earth is Yours and singing
Holy, Holy
Holy, Holy Lord
The earth is Yours
The earth is Yours

Highlands Retreat 2011

 

 

 I have a confession to make: I secretly wish I lived on a commune, surrounded by people, sharing work and life and responsibility. This desire sometimes makes life in independent-minded America very difficult. Because I don't want to be busy with activities and play dates and coordinating schedules in order to build relationships and community. I want to share every day life with people. 

 

The weekend of the Highlands retreat is one of my favorite weekends of the year because for the whole weekend we truly live in community. We share meals. We worship daily. We pray. We sleep (or don't sleep). We play games. We talk. We cry. We get on each others nerves. We watch kids roam and run. We laugh.We share. It's a slight foretaste of heaven and it leaves me longing for more.

It's a beautiful thing.

A favorite recipe: Taco Loaf

 

 

One of my biggest challenges as a mother is feeding my family healthy, tasty, inexpensive food that they enjoy. This recipe was always a favorite when I was growing up and it has become a staple in our house now too. It is easy, inexpensive, and easy to customize depending on what you have on hand. If I want to stretch my meat I use less meat and add black beans. One time I made the filling out of chicken, feta cheese and spinach. When I serve the "regular" recipe I like to add traditional taco sides like lettuce, avocado, salsa and sour cream to make it a very filling meal.

Taco Loaf

Bread:

1 Tb sugar

1 tsp salt

1 Tb yeast

1 cup warm water

1 Tb oil 

3 1/4 cup flour

Filling:

1 lb ground beef

1 pkg taco seasoning

2 tomatoes, diced

1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

Mix sugar, salt, yeast, water & oil in large bowl. Add flour one cup at a time (may not need all). Knead dough until smooth. Let rest 10-15 minutes.

Brown beef and add taco seasoning according to package directions. Remove, drain, add tomatoes and cheese.

Roll dough to 9x16 rectangle. Spread filling on left and center 2/3's of dough. Fold 9 inch side without filling over middle section with filling. Then fold 9 inch side with filling over middle section to layer. Seal edges and place on cookie sheet. Make slits 1 inch apart on dough.

Bake at 400F for 25 minutes.

1000 Gifts - Harvest Party 2011

 - friends, who share costumes

 - imaginations
- Nathaniel's Peter Pan face (see above, because that is what we were told he was doing. "Making my Peter Pan face of course!")
- boys who don't want to grow up

- hay rides
- laughing kids
- too much sugar
- a roaring bonfire
- crisp fall air and bright stars
- honest conversations with girl friends
- little babies everywhere!
- Adele reaching for me
- Claire smiling at me
- annual traditions that are anticipated and celebrated and savored as our roots get just a bit deeper here

1/3 school year complete!

Every Friday while Jeremiah is doing his spelling test for the week (which he actually says is his favorite part of school) I start to plan for the next week. Today I took off the front page of our Math schedule because we have completed 12 weeks of school! We are 1/3 of the way through our total school year!

I feel like we are really in a good groove now. We have a rhythm to our school time that works really well for us. Jeremiah completes his Math and Language Arts first thing. Those are the most focused and writing intensive so he sets up on the left side of the dining room table while I sit at the head of the table and work with Nathaniel on basic letter and number recognition on the my right side. After this we take our books for History/Geography/Core and sit in the sunroom. Jeremiah works in his handwriting workbook on his own during nap time. Reading happens all day long.

I realized this week that we can add more Science now that we have established this basic routine. These basic subjects take less than 2 hours each morning. So next week I am going to add Science two times a week. The weekly science lessons are divided between Activity Sheets that guide Jeremiah through his animal books and then one practical experiment (right now focusing on magnets). So I figure we can do one day of Animal Activity sheets and one day of experiment.

People keep asking me how it is going. And I am surprised to find myself answering that it is going well and we are all actually enjoying it. I enjoy this Sonlight curriculum which in turn helps the boys to enjoy it too. My job is made much easier by the fact that Jeremiah is a motivated, self-directed learner who grasps new concepts very quickly. I asked Jeremiah this week what his favorite parts of school were and he answered; spelling, maps and reading. I asked him what his least favorite parts of school were; he thought for a minute then replied, "Nothing really. I like it all."

the Fireballs final game of 2011

 Warming up

Jeremiah and Carter fighting for a goal during warm ups.

Jeremiah's game face

 Jeremiah's other game face

 Jeremiah on defense. 

He didn't let the big kids intimidate him and turned the ball!

 The battle for the ball. 

Aaron in the background in coaching action. 

 

 Pizza party!

 Coach Aaron & Coach Jason

Jason's son has been on the same team as Jeremiah for all 3 soccer seasons. 

 The trophy!

 Go Fireballs!

It has been quite a season for the Fireballs. They have improved so much since their first game! They have all worked so hard and fought so hard to win a game. Unfortunately they did not win any games this season. But this group of kids learned a lot about the game of soccer, and they worked as a team, and they were all delightful. Their last game (this past Tuesday) was so exciting! They did terrific and I am convinced would have at least tied, or possibly won, but for some goals that were taken away for technical reasons. 

Jeremiah has shown this year that he is really good in the defensive positions. He understands the purpose and knows how to play in position. He is very good at turning the ball and passing it up the field to teammates. Aaron put Jeremiah in goal for the final half of the game when the score was 2-1 (Fireballs down). I was so incredibly nervous! But oh my goodness! Jeremiah rocked in the goal! Honestly. He made about 6 absolutely amazing stops. Once, it was just him with the forward coming toward him. The forward kicked the ball, Jeremiah got down to grab it but somehow it slipped past him so he threw his body around backwards and grabbed the ball with the tips of his fingers just before it crossed the goal line. I cheered myself hoarse! 

We have really enjoyed this season. We enjoy getting to know new kids and families as well as continuing to build relationships with kids and families that we already know. Aaron has loved coaching and is planning on doing it again next year.

1000 Gifts - 11th Anniversary Edition

- 11 years married to this amazing man
- a beautiful fall day with crisp blue skies, warming sun, changing leaves and time to play

 - tag
- an awesome playground
- sitting on a bench, drinking good coffee and listening to my boys play
- him sitting beside me
- knowing that he will still be sitting beside me when we are old and grey and these days will be our cherished memories

 
Last Friday officially marked our 11 year wedding anniversary. We had already had a dinner date earlier this month, I had been sick a few days last week with a stomach bug, we had our first free Saturday since soccer season started, so we decided to take the boys and spend a day together. We spent a beautiful morning at the playground, had some lunch together at Steak'n Shake, and went to see Cars 2 at the cheap movie theater.
I realize that celebrating our anniversary by spending the day with our children is not the typical thing to do. But this year it just felt right.

Apple Picking

 On the last day of September we went apple picking with some friends of ours. They all home school their kids as well so our kids see a lot of each other and are becoming great friends. It was a gorgeous, early fall day with crisp blue skies and a warming sun. We drove through the north Georgia mountains to the small town of Elijay where we had a blast picking apples and enjoying other goodies like fried apple pies.

The Crew

Pictured here are the kids from 2 families that we have gotten to know. It is so fun to see the boys interacting with kids their age. I am blessed to also have great friendships with their moms. So getting together is fun for us and the kids!

 Jeremiah on the hunt

Nathaniel taste testing

Jeremiah and Skylar, hatching plans and enjoying each others company.

Nathaniel enjoying another apple as he rests in the tree.

Lucy, Skylar & Jeremiah coming up with some kind of plan. 

 The favorite activity was climbing and old ladder we found propped against a tree. 

The kids all lined up and waited (mostly patiently) for their turns.

What is it about kids and ladders?

Miss Lucy

Climbing the old farm equipment. 

Nathaniel thought they were cannons and kept yelling loudly for everyone to hear, "I won the Civil War!"

5 Minute Friday - Ordinary

Linking up with The Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday. Taking 5 minutes on a Friday to just write.
This weeks prompt: Ordinary

GO

Not too long ago we watched a movie called "One Week." It was a good, thoughtful, clean movie with the basic premise: what would you do if you knew you only had one week left to live? The main character of the movie took off on a journey of self-discovery on a motorcycle across Canada. Realizing along the way that he wanted to quit teaching to write a book, and that he wasn't really in love with the woman he was engaged to. After the movie was over Aaron asked me, "What would you do if you only had one week to live?" 

I sat. And thought. And nothing spectacular came to mind. I did not think of draining my savings to take a trip around the world. I did not think of some awesome event that I have always wanted to participate in. I did not think of some lost love that was a real love (aren't you glad for that Aaron?). I did not think of some place I wanted to see. 

I realized that I would spend my last week reveling in ordinary things. I would revel in the hugs and kisses and games of my boys. I would laugh more. I would stay up late talking to Aaron. I would hug and kiss him more. I would take walks and tell jokes and gather those I love around me and just BE. 

At first I was bothered by that. How could it be that all I would desire during my imaginary last week of life was ordinary, boring even? Then I realized the obvious and the cliche, that the ordinary of my life is truly extra-ordinary.

STOP 

Archeology

A few days ago the boys spent an entire afternoon digging in the back yard. This may just look like boys digging in dirt. What they were actually doing was "practicing archeology." As we have studied history as part of our Sonlight Core Curriculum we have been learning about archeology. Asking the question, "How do we know how other people used to live?" Along with the Sonlight books I checked out a few books on Archeology from the library. The boys were fascinated and promptly decided to see what they could discover in our own back yard. Every few minutes the boys would come running inside excitedly yelling, "Mama come quick! Come see what we found!" And I dutifully went outside to ooh and aah over their discoveries.

Hours of digging turned up some old caution tape, bits of glass, and some rocks that Nathaniel was convinced were fossils. They were a tad disappointed that they didn't find a ticket to Disney World. Still not quite sure where they got that idea from.

Jeremiah is now not sure whether he will become an Archeologist or a Paleontologist.

end of September musings

September has flown by in it's usual way. Fickle in it's temperatures, fall-like and cool one day hot and humid the next. Finally giving us some rain after an August with absolutely no rain at all, or was that July? Bringing soccer and birthdays and apples at the Farmer's Market. See those big, beautiful gourds I got at the Farmer's Market last week? I usually resist getting "fall decor" until October has officially started, but I just couldn't pass up those beauties. $3 a piece. They are edible (taste like pumpkin) and they are on some kind of endangered heirloom seed list, so I need to save the seeds. I love them. I also love that I finally got out the black paint and painted the bricks around the fireplace. They used to be that dark brick red and it just didn't work in our living room. The black looks crisp and modern. I didn't do a perfect job, and they could use another coat, but it is good enough for now and a hundred times better than the red.

I have felt a bit scattered this past month. I have been working on building discipline into certain areas of my life (eating, exercising, sleeping & waking patterns) and so I feel like other areas are suffering. But I think we are finding a rhythm to our days and weeks. I am learning to say "no" to invitations and events in order for our days at home to be more ordered and productive since we are gone so many evenings and our weekends are packed. I am learning more what it means practically for me to prioritize: God, husband, kids - in that order.

A few weeks ago I came up with a simple weekly schedule that I post on the fridge. It has our schedule, meal plan, and to-do list all in one place. It keeps Aaron and I on the same page and gives me some peace of mind.  It's not fancy, and is definitely not Pinterest worthy, but it works for me.

Jeremiah has entered some kind of writing growth spurt. He has been writing stories and letters and making castle plans and posting signs all over the house. A few weeks ago Aaron had promised to play Lego Star Wars on the Wii with him after his chores were done. We found this not so subtle sign hanging in the kitchen. Love it!

I am so thankful that we implemented the "cash envelope" system in our budget last year. For some reason we had some extra expenses in September that really messed with our budget. We didn't save as much as we usually do but we were ok because we knew that we had cash in our envelopes for the other big expenses that are coming up. It really relieves a lot of stress.

 As the weather cools I am starting to actually let myself start thinking about our Thanksgiving trip up to Philadelphia! My parents are moving back to the United States for good in November, so we are going up to Philly to be with all my family for Thanksgiving. I haven't been on any road trips this year and I feel the excitement of getting out of our house and routine. The call of the open road must be in my blood. Smile. And the anticipation of a whole week with my family is almost more than I can bear!

I feel like I spent September in some kind of a daze, but I am slowly getting myself back together. I am ready to savor each moment of fall!