Grace Based Parenting

I have been thinking a lot about parenting lately. I wonder why…..
One of my favorite parenting books is “Grace Based Parenting” by Dr. Tim Kimmel. I love it because it is not a how to manual in the sense that it lays out precise things of what to do and what not to do. Rather it talks in broad strokes about our parenting mirroring God’s love and grace in our lives to our children.
Here are some of the excerpts I have read (and re-read) recently. They are kind of long but hang in there. I think they are genius….

“ You may not want to hear this, but raising safe Christian kids is a spiritual disaster in the making. Your effort will produce shallow faith and wimpy believers. Kids raised in an environment that stresses safety are on the track to be evangelical pushovers. They will tend to end up either overly critical of the world system to the point where they won’t want anything to do with the people in the world system... Or, they will become naïve about the world system, which ultimately makes them putty in Satan’s hands.
Safe Christianity is an oxymoron, like ‘jumbo shrimp.’ Living your life sold out for Jesus Christ has never been a way to enjoy a safe life…. On the inside of His goodness (read grace), He offers a safe haven or a dangerous life to be lived out. That’s what a grace-based home can offer, too- a safe set of parents and siblings around whom a child can make life-changing decision such as who’s going to be the master of his life.
There are risks. We must put our confidence in a God who would not bring anything unpleasant into our children’s lives except for those things He deliberately desires to use to mold them into His image.
Those who think that the wisest way to groom a child for spiritual maturity is to isolate him from the evil, corrupted world system or airbrush his childhood environment so much that it exposes only him to the good and never teaches him how to process the bad (or the counterfeit) will set a child up for a life of mediocrity at best and spiritual annihilation at worst.
We must remember, however, that there is nothing graceful or kind about letting the fears that challenge us as parents determine our agenda- especially when it comes to our children. Often, as I discuss with parents why they are raising their children in such a hermetically sealed Christian environments, I hear an explanation that usually goes something like this, ‘My child is very vulnerable and fragile [which is true, they are], and the world is very corrupted and evil [also true], and Satan is sinister and destructive [equally true], so therefore we’re making these decisions to protect our child and keep him safe’
As I listen to this standard trilogy of reasons, I always think the same thing: You’ve forgotten something extremely important to your child’s ability to develop a strong hope and confidence in the Lord. It’s true that your child is vulnerable, the world is evil, and Satan is destructive, but there is one other point that trumps all of these concerns. God is mighty! He is powerful!
Making safety a priority tells our children that we think God is incapable of doing what He said He would do for His children. Obviously, God wants us to shrewdly bring our children up within a corrupted world system, careful to make sure that they don’t have to process issues that are to big for them. Many parents assume that all pressures from a corrupted world are too big for their children. The fact is that without God’s power working in us, no one- whether a child or an adult- is any match for the world system. But when we put our confidence in God’s power rather that the safety nets we place around our children, we find that even children can learn to rely on God’s overwhelming presence to protect them as well as to enable them to flourish in the world system.”

I encourage every parent to read this book. I have learned so much from it (and I am on my 3rd reading).

I would also like to say that I think my parents raised me this way and I am so thankful they did.